took one of the most wretched shits of my life inside a Chinese toilet in the Forbidden City in the center of Beijing, where the only toilet paper to be found within four square miles was in my treacherous memory and the air was thick with the scent of dodged death and heavy with a Marlboro Reds haze. ...

Hurricane Ike was still over 150 miles away from Galveston this afternoon and already generating surges 8-feet-tall and rising. The Category 2 hurricane, which has an unusually large footprint, is still expected to escalate to a level 3 status before it makes landfall sometime Saturday morning....

Steve, the father of my young, hot boyfriend Warren, lives in Houston. Warren asked Steve if he was going to come up here to avoid Hurricane Ike , which looks to be heading straight for the Texas coast, prompting major evacuation. Steve told Warren he’s not going anywhere, that we should come to Houston. Warren explained he’s got his hands full with Hurricane Spike, so we’re staying put, too. So, okay, I guess the comparison is fair—at times. Let’s see, Hurricane Spike has been known to blow into a room at gusts of up to 120 mph. And sometimes massive downpours fall from her eyes, since she’s a sensitive artist and all that. Plus, having been raised in hurricanes her first eighteen years probably had more than a little influence....

Surfside Beach's last offer of escape before Ike hits land. Some Galveston residents linger as storm nears. 13 shelters open as evacuees continue to flow into Austin area. Resource Center opens Friday in Austin to train Ike volunteers. Houston to stare down Ike instead of evacuating. Current satellite image of Ike. Here is your weather for the weekend.......

It seems that the projected path for Hurricane Ike moved eastward overnight. Now instead of being smack in the middle of the path (as was projected yesterday), Austin appears to be on the farthest west edge of the path as Ike aims for Galveston. The hurricane is still expected to hit the Texas coast late Friday night and leave Austin residents with, at the least, a rainy weekend....

Texas prepares for Ike. The lipstick controversy continues.... So, Bin Laden wasn't the mastermind of 9/11? White House can't decide. 7th anniversary of 9/11 Excuse me, sir - what did you say? Woohoo! Party at the Interior Department, y'all! Good things come in small packages......

Hurricane Ike Satellite Photo. Courtesy The Weather Channel With the eye of the storm now out of Cuba and into the Gulf of Mexico, Hurricane Ike has the potential to strengthen severely before hitting somewhere along the Texas coast. The Weather Channel's lead meteorologist, Chris Dolce, predicts that Ike "will become a major hurricane." The director of meteorology at Weather Underground, Jeff Masters, put it in terms that were considerably more ominous. "[There's] a significant......

Ike Projected Path, courtesy Weather Channel Currently pummeling Cuba with sub-80-mph winds, Hurricane Ike is expected to enter the Gulf of Mexico later today, most likely picking up momentum and intensity as it heads towards Texas. It's anticipated to hit the Texas coast on Friday or Saturday.......

Uncle Sam takes guardianship of Fannie and Freddie Cuba: We Don't Like Ike We can put a man on the moon, but what's the deal with these damn elections? Kim Jong Il: For real? Palin, Gibson. Gibson, Palin. OMG it's BRITNEY Y'ALL! Judge: Don't come in here like BRITNEY, Y'ALL! ...

Bush visited Austin yesterday, commended Texas for our state's emergency preparations. Mandatory evacuation orders lifted for Jefferson, Orange and Hardin counties in Southeast Texas. Evacuees taking shelter from Gustav in Austin eager to return home. Two Central Texas employers announced job cuts today....

New Orleans might, fingers crossed, have dodged the (latest) bullet. Little Mrs. Anti-Earmark actually got a bunch of federal $$ for tiny Wasilla (maybe to fund the Iditarod Museum?) Ridiculous as she is, Palin brought in the bucks this past weekend. Bangkok is in a state of emergency (no, this is not about the Nic Cage movie). The Leaning Tower of Pisa is really losing its mojo. Dubai: not paradise for workers, we already......

As Gustav looks like it is on its way to New Orleans, President Bush and V.P. Cheney announced today that they will not be attending the GOP convention in St. Paul this week. Instead of making an appearance in Minnesota, Bush plans to check on emergency preparations in Austin and San Antonio when the storm is set to hit Louisiana, then will make his way to the other states affected after the storm hits....

A woman was sexually assaulted on Saturday after leaving a Hyde Park Walgreens; police searching for the suspect. Multi-vehicle wreck this morning on Bee Caves at Barton Creek results in one death. Cesar Chavez St. set to turn two-way on Monday, August 11. Fickle Edouard floods areas of Southeast Texas, only sends some light showers our way. Girl, you know it's true: Jammin' 105.9 is now up for sale....

Edouard wimps out after hitting the coast, but should still help our rain chances. Rep. Michael McCaul is facing a closer re-election race than he would like. Sen. "Big Bad" John Cornyn wants soldiers' votes counted. Bank of America at Anderson Lane and Shoal Creek robbed this afternoon. One of the founders of Austin Community Gardens has died....

Electric Reliability Council of Texas and PUC ask you to reduce your energy usage tomorrow between the peak hours of 3pm and 7pm. Rep. Michael McCaul making campaign stops at local gas stations today. Gov. Perry issued a disaster declaration this afternoon before Edouard hits tomorrow. Kingsland resident will be charged with aggravated assault after firing his gun at suspected burglars. Multiple businesses in North Lamar strip mall affected by overnight fire....

Bush declares area of Texas hit by Dolly to be a major disaster. University Towers evacuated last night after someone burned popcorn. US Army Chief of Staff Gen. George Casey makes a stop at Fort Hood. 51st District Judge Barbara Walther splits up the FLDS child-custody cases 119 ways, grouped by mother. Work on Cesar Chavez is two months behind schedule because of pipe installation....

Bears eat workers at remote Russian mine. Moon-walker claims alien contact cover-up. Enquiring minds want to catch John Edwards and his secret love child. Judge champions Max Mosley's right to hold S&M orgies. Amy Winehouse is doing great. Rep. Kucinich gets his day to air impeachment article. Here is your weather for the weekend.......

KEYE's team becomes the news when they are injured in their coverage of Dolly at South Padre. Tornado hits the south side of San Antonio. George P. Bush, presidential nephew, is moving his business to Austin. Whoop? Oakwood Cemetary vandalized; at least 20 headstones (some as old as 150 years) broken. Baylor's Board of Regents fires current university President Lilley....

City Manager Ott presented his proposed 2009 budget to the city today. Expect higher garbage and water rates, as well as rotating library branch closures. Public library usage up this summer. O ho, the Wells Fargo Tower has been sold. It looks like the Rio Grande levees will hold up after South Texas received a battering from Dolly....

Satellite Image/The Weather Channel Hurricane Dolly, classified as Category 2 this morning, is hitting the lower Texas coast, with the eye seemingly headed for Harlingen. Earlier this afternoon, Gov. Perry asked for a presidential disaster declaration which would aid recovery efforts after the storm is done slamming the border area. The latest news has Dolly weakening back to category 1 status.......

Satellite Image/The Weather ChannelWith maximum sustained winds around 70 mph and growing, Tropical Storm Dolly is on a direct path towards the southern tip of the Texas Gulf Coast, and expected to make landfall by tomorrow. The hardest hit region will likely be Brownsville, near South Padre Island. Cities along the coast now have tropical storm warnings in effect, and the Texas National Guard has been mobilized to assist with emergency efforts. Evacuation orders most......

Image from The Weather Channel All eyes are on Dolly as the feisty tropical storm makes its way past the Gulf of Mexico this week. The Weather Channel suggests that atmospheric conditions are optimal for this storm to intensify to hurricane status by tomorrow, and while she's expected to make landfall by mid-week, it's still anyone's guess where she'll eventually end up. A hurricane watch is now in effect from Brownsville up to Port O'Connor.......

Holy $155 million, Batman! Obama kicks it with Karzai. Speaking of Obama, Maliki likes how he thinks. Treasury Secretary: "Hold on bitches, it's gonna get worse!" US and Iran: The new Paris and Nicole? Probably not. But they are talking. Dolly. Now more than just a cloned sheep or kick-ass country idol. It's hot. Surprise. ...

A fire this morning at the San Marcos Municipal Airport leaves one person with minor burns. June 2008: the hottest June on record for Austin. Shady Hollow Homeowner's Association might allow T-Mobile to build a 12-story tower in their neighborhood. Pastor from Houston's Windsor Village United Methodist Church - the same one who officiated Jenna's wedding and who introduced Dubya at the 2000 Republican convention - launches the James Dobson Does Not Speak For Me site in response to anti-Obama statements by Mr. Dobson. Kay Bailey Hutchison comes in first as Texas' favorite politician in a recent poll, beating out Gov. Perry....

The U.S. Drought Monitor's map for the past week shows Travis County split between severe and extreme drought. Only about 18 counties in the northeastern part of the state seem unaffected by any form of drought. And the summer's just getting started! [U.S. Drought Monitor]......

The Colbert Report it ain't. FOX News jokes about assassinating Obama. Hill still all, "Oops my bad." Tornadoes seriously screwing up holiday weekend in central states. The Phoenix has landed. Anti-gay website decides gay marriage and Nazi sympathizing not totally the same thing. Shoe found near Lake Travis with "possible human remains inside." Hungry famous people Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson spotted together at the Hula Hut with kids in tow.......

Texas Insurance Council estimates Wednesday night's storms caused $25 million worth of damage. During the storm, someone broke into a South Austin public storage facility. Job growth for our area lower than it was last year. Texas Border Coalition suing to stop construction of Bush's border fence....

The storm hit the Capitol last night, breaking windows and throwing down trees on the grounds. Was your property damaged by the storms last night? Kerouac's scroll manuscript of On the Road on display the the Ransom Center until June 1. Another Austin-area teacher in trouble for having improper relations with a student. California's supreme court says a state gay marriage ban is unconstitutional; Sen. Cornyn now set to work on a national ban. ...

A ferocious thunderstorm ripped through Central Texas last night, dropping large chunks of hail, smashing up trees, and leaving thousands of Austinites without power. Near Zilker Park, the power seemed to go out even before the storm hit. Golf ball-sized hail left many of the cars on Kinney Avenue dented, though the damage wasn't as bad as in parts of town further north. A family in Clarksville found a tree resting on top of their car, but seemed to take it in good spirits. ...

Earthquake in China is thought to have killed thousands of people in a county of the Sichuan province. Scientists say that atmospheric CO2 levels are at record highs. After a weekend of tornadoes through the midwest, this year could have the highest number of twisters since the '50s. ...