• Apparently everyone thinks Clinton shined in last nights presidential debate, but the best sound bite came from Rep. Dennis Kucinich who said, "Impeach now!"
• U.S. envoy arrives to pressure Pakistani president into admitting defeat.
• A cyclone that slammed into Bangladesh's coast has killed at least 426 people.

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The Senate stayed up all night to debate the troop withdrawal, and all we got was this lousy no-vote. Some killjoy put the Harry Potter ending up on the Web. In Wisconsin, it took fifty rescuers to pull a 500-lb man out of a river. What was he doing there? Tubing. Obviously. Springfield, VT gets ready for its closeup. Proof that Disney makes you crazy. (The Teacup Ride? Was that really worth it?)... more ›

We are saddened by the report that goober candidate Carole Cougar Keeton Strayhorn has decided to relinquish her fight to get her nickname on the Nov. ballot. Mrs. Cougar will always be a "grandma" in our eyes and probably in the eyes of her grandchildren. In other goober news: Democratic candidate Chris Bell is calling UberGoober Rick Perry out on his lack of efforts to fund our state parks. Texas ranks near the bottom... more ›

• Every state in the United States has failed to meet Bush's already low standards for the No Child Left Behind Program.
• Apparently. there isn't enough of a demand to get those gas-guzzling, extravagant SUV's; GM is nixing the original Hummer.
• Hideki Matsui's streak of 1,768 consecutive games played (US and Japan leagues) ends.
• Will Wynn and Brewster McCracken were both re-elected in this weekend's election.
• The Senate reached a delightful conclusion regarding School Finanace Reform essentially concluding their special session.
• A volcano in Indonesia is about to blow her wad! The Merapi Volcano is spewing lava all over the place forcing villagers to get the F^$% out!
• Sprawl is encroaching on Florida Alligators' habitats. Three deaths in a week by alligators have locals concerned about safety.
• Buckle-up Bubba! Men in rural areas that drive trucks are still not in the habit of fastening their seatbelts when they drive on those country roads.
• The incestuous world of technology is at it again. Soon, cell phones and iPods will be one in the same.
• Download porn to your television. Yeah, a pornmaker almost makes owning a TV worthwhile now. more ›

The Senate is really close to finalizing the controversial immigration bill. The proposed bill separates illegal immigrants into three categories and just seems like it will be a big mess. A teacher who kept a 40mm shell on his desk as a fancy-schmancy paperweight, tried to squish a bug with it and blew off his hand instead. We are hoping the bug survived because, now, we believe in karma. We think, that between "M^!*#r... more ›

Washington - The Senate voted down desperate efforts to drill for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Drilling proponents had attached Arctic drilling to a critical bill that provides our troops with the resources they need to keep us safe. The vote that was 56-44. For procedural reasons, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist cast a vote with ANWR opponents so that he might be able to resurrect the issue for another try. But... more ›

The State Legislature passed a bill yesterday that names the Chuck Wagon the official vehicle of the state of Texas. Legislators point to the fact that the Chuck Wagon was one of the first vehicles in the state and that it represents the "pioneer spirit of the west." Speaking of pioneer spirit, Senator Jeff Wentowrth (R-San Antonio) has also put forth legislation that would keep the University of Texas football team from playing in... more ›