So, I produce and co-star a little show called The Dick Monologues. We have four shows this month—three more than usual. Two are in Dallas this weekend at the Water Tower Theatre as part of the Out of the Loop Festival. Two are here in town—one at the Victory Grill on March 21st and the other at Hyde Park Theatre on March 30th. Please tell your Dallas friends to come to the show up there. And if you want to attend an Austin show, please email me at spike@spikeg.com for info. This week, I present a piece I wrote that sometimes appears in the show. Big Dick on Buddha Mountain To meditate with the enlightened Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, is akin to playing guitar with Pete Townsend, making cookies with Martha Stewart, or tying your shoes with Mister Rogers. And so, despite my tight budget, when I heard that Thay, as he is known, was leading a retreat in California, I did what any overzealous aspiring Buddhist would do: I mailed off a hot check to procure my place at the monastery. ...

For years, the Austinist staff has fielded queries from friends and acquaintances about SXSW goings-on. "Can I walk to The Salt Lick?" "Does it really take 90 minutes for a Casino El Camino burger?" But most of all: "What showcase do you recommend to see some good new bands I don't know about?" This year, we've made the answer official. Austinist is presenting an official nighttime showcase featuring six different American acts at Spiro's on Thursday, March 13. We've done a lot of listening to different bands and entire showcases, and believe that this one has great potential to impress you. The roster:...

Deer Tick, or John McCauley, has fast made name for himself with a series of self-released records as well as 2007’s War Elephant on Jana Hunter’s Feow! Records. McCauley was raised in Providence, Rhode Island where he decided on a career in music at an early age, recording and even touring by the time he was in high school. McCauley’s voice demands attention, his songwriting shines through, and his work falls somewhere between Bright Eyes and Wilco. And he turned 21 last year. We caught up with McCauley recently to understand what exactly makes Deer Tick tick....

Truthfully, every week is shark week in our hearts and minds, but this week brings with it a very special engagement of the eco-mentary Sharkwater, which follows the often dangerous, sometimes illegal, but always passionate pursuit of two men to save our fine finned friends of the big blue sea from imminent destruction at the hands of careless humans....

Xiu Xiu are what many would call a success story. After all, they’ve evolved from an experimental freakshow of a duo who appealed only to the outer edge of musical snobs and depressed hipsters, to a full-on, four member, MySpace friendly, blog-writing, book-producing, ceaselessly collaborating, networking whirlwind with legions of fans and the respect of critics. Not only that, but unlike some rise-to-glory stories, Xiu Xiu’s transformation has been nice to see, mostly because founding members Jamie Stewart and Caralee McElroy always seem to be having a lot of fun, connecting well with their fans and managing to maintain their sense of humor and their honesty....

The inimitably awesome Crispin Glover will be coming to the Alamo Downtown February 9 through 11, to screen two films he directed and to give an introductory slide show called "The Big Slide Show". After the films, he will answer questions. ("How did you get that way?" is probably off limits as a question.) ...

Photo by StuSeeger on flickr#13 Texas (9-2) vs. Texas A&M (6-5) Time: 2:30 pm, Friday, Nov. 23 Location: College Station, Texas; Kyle Field TV: ABC Radio: KVET (98.1 FM, 1300 AM) Maybe it is true that good things come to those who wait. After back-to-back losses to open conference play, the Texas Longhorns have waited -- through nail-biting finishes and devastating injuries -- and now stand on the verge of what is most definitely a......

The UTTER Reading Series presents two young, local writers who are finding national success and recognition. Poet D. Antwan Stewart will present selections from his two books, The Terribly Beautiful (2006) and Sotto Voce (forthcoming) . Fiction writer Brian Hart, the winner of the first-ever Keene Prize for Literature, may read from his forthcoming and already-awarded novel, The Dog With the Broken Teeth, the One That Fetches Rocks. Stewart has an MFA from the Michener......

When Will Stewart of Austin bought a ticket in the outfield seats for the Chicago White Sox-LA Angels game on Sunday, he had no idea he was about to become a part of history. But he was in the right place at the right time as Jim Thome's game-winning home run bounced off the rows behind Stewart and into his hands. It was Thome's 500th career home run, a mark that only 23 players in......

The Paramount is celebrating their 32nd year of showing classic movies in the summer. What better way is there to beat the sticky summer heat of Austin but by escaping into the cool theatre and the world of classic film? The films will start next Thursday May 24th and show through September. We've put together some handsome printable schedules for May and June (you can hang them on your fridge!), and following is a list......

Wilco Sky Blue Sky (Nonesuch) Recorded in Wilco's own Chicago studio, the album was recorded by TJ Doherty (the Hold Steady, Sonic Youth) and mixed by Jim Scott (the Rolling Stones, the Dixie Chicks), Sky Blue Sky finds Tweedy & Co. leaning closer to the down-home gritty side of their sound, all while bending glass with avant-jazz guitar hero Nels Cline. Full of guitars and electricity, songs like "Impossible Germany" highlight the relationship between......

Let's be honest: everyone loves SXSW week, but when it ends, you are secretly very ready to move on. Before we do, let's take a look at some of the isolated, crazy, and wonderful moments that make SXSW such an over-the-top sensory experience. – The dude at Girl Talk dancing with a broken pinata on his head. Then passing said pinata to someone else to dance with. – Isaac Hayes talking in his famous......

Ed Note: Please note that the Mobile Art Place opening party mentioned yesterday is not actually free, but is open to those attending Night at the Galleries. Sorry for the inconvenience. FRIDAY [23] music • Maneja Beto, The Interest Kills, The Laughing, White Denim at The Compound ($5, 18+, 9pm, 1300 East 4th Street) comedy • The Frank Mills perform their new sketch show, "One Classy-Ass Show," at Blue Theatre (DEETS) books • Abriendo Brecha......

Austinites met at City Hall this weekend for a rally, followed by a march to the Capitol to protest the American occupation of Iraq and the administrations handling of the pre-, mid- and post-war effort. The Austin protest was one of hundreds happening concurrently nationwide. The amount of participants was estimated at nearly 500. Images courtesy of Stewart Jarmon.......

This morning around 4a.m., a woman was walking her dog when she discovered the body of 18-year old UT freshman Tyler Cross (pictured right). The Texan reports Cross fell from the fifth floor of a University Towers' dormitory balcony onto the sidewalk of West 24th Street. The Towers is a West Campus dormitory known for its rowdy rooms and high freshmen fraternity occupancy. Cross, a Georgia native, was a member of a fraternity at UT......

Ever since he dropped out of NYU Law School — to the initial chagrin of his family — Demetri Martin’s star has been on the rise. His success as a stand-up comedian in New York City led to a writing gig on "Late Night with Conan O’Brien." After honing his skills on O’Brien’s show, Martin moved over to Comedy Central, where he has worked as a contributor on "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart."......

This winter, Alamo Drafthouse and some of the folks at Emo's are teaming up to throw an enormous single-day music festival at Waterloo Park. Sponsored by yours truly, METV, 101x, The Onion, AT&T, Mickey's, and Waterloo Records, the FunFunFun Fest features three stages of nonstop indie rock, punk, and electronic bands, including several bigger acts like Peaches, Spoon, Prefuse 73 and Circle Jerks. From November 8 to November 22, we're giving away a pair......

The Grand Old Party nearly swept the statewide race yesterday, led by Governor Rick Perry, who after beating Democratic nominee Chris Bell and independent candidates Kinky Friedman and Carole Keeton Strayhorn may very well become the longest-serving Governor in Texas. In a press conference this morning, Perry was vague when addressing rumors of a possible vice presidential bid, merely saying it was "up to the good Lord." Bell, who posted yesterday in his blog......

Tonight you might think that Dan Rather's jelly, because chances are he’s gonna be on a roll. Or something. The venerable newsman, and Wharton, Texas native, will be live on set tonight to analyze election results. But he won’t be working with Bob Schieffer or any other straight news reporters from around the nation, as he has done for the last 44 years. Tonight he saddles up alongside Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert on Comedy......

If you can ignore Sarah Michelle Gellar’s strained cries for the prolongation of her career, you might see some good movies this weekend. The Grudge 2 Those creepy Japanese ghosts are back. And they’re still holding that grudge. And apparently, we’ve got a trilogy on our hands now. Great. Man of the Year If you’re one of those people who are into the whole “Stewart/Colbert ‘08” uh, concept, seeing this movie might make you......

Here are our favorites posts for Columbus Day week: We like haiku, and honoria in ciberspazio has written one about painting. It's Shanntastic! attended the Texas Conference for Women. She heard Martha Stewart "talk about her new kitchen and what color of shells she enjoys." Good times. Speaking of color, Translucence reminds us to think pink this month. GlennM from Lone Star Democracy Builders Association enjoyed doing voter registration at Fiesta. Emma's mommy at......

Emo's is the place to be tonight as California experimental post-punkers Xiu Xiu bring their darkly gorgeous new album The Air Force to life. If you caught Xiu Xiu at Emo's Annex during South By Southwest this year, you know that Jamie Stewart's noise-and-melody symphonies are even better live than they are on wax. Stewart and live partner Caralee McElroy make the absolute most out of their collection of drums, guitars, shakers, keys and......

Hang on to your wristbands, people, there's a lot going on this week in the world of legitimately released music! The Rapture Pieces of the People We Love (UMVD) The Rapture have finally caught up with their own hype following 2003's Echoes, working with producers Danger Mouse (Gorillaz/Gnarls Barkley), Paul Epworth (Bloc Party) and Ewan Pearson (UK DJ/Remixer) and delivering a disco, funk, punk and pop-influenced album worthy of all your parties, speedy drives......

In the words of our close friend Stephen Colbert, "George W. Bush: Great President, or The Greatest President?" Exactly. According to Google, the answer, apparently, is neither. We're not sure how long this will remain the case, but if you go to Google right now and search "failure," you will get a link to the government page for the White House and W. Guess the cat's finally out of the bag. And we have......

*The views expressed in Bun in the Oven are those of the author and do not represent Austinist as a whole.* -The Editors Two questions: What's more Austin than working in high tech...and getting laid off? What's the easiest way to strike panic and fear deep into the heart of a woman-with-child? Okay, so make that three: What do you suppose happens when you tell a pregnant lady that her husband's company is closing......

One of Austin's best homegrown success stories, Public Strategies Inc., has been purchased by the second-largest media and advertising company in the world. WPP Group, PLC of London purchased the consulting firm for a reported $90 million. WPP had apparently been eyeing Public Strategies for years. "I've been trying to buy Public Strategies for years," said Howard Paster, WPP executive vice president for public relations and public affairs. "It is a different public affairs firm.......

Martha Stewart's been a busy (and fabulous) bee in the year and a half since being released from Alderson Federal Prison. In these past few months she's: announced a lucrative partnership with Kodak, opened the first in a series of Martha Stewart-designed model townhomes, was crowned "Godmother of Princess Cruises," launched a new line of merch at Macy's ("i LOVE THE NEW CLOTHES LINE" says Maryland fan Dayneisha), published a book, and agreed to take......

We were a little bored just the other evening so we put in our monocles, threw on our spats, had a spoonful of Grey Poupon, hopped in the Bentley, and drove on down to the Triangle where Joe Bedard at Mandola’s Market helped us pick a split of Prosecco and a fine Montepulciano while we waited for our Margherita Pizza and our Bruschetta. Their wine selection is good, and we recommend an extra loaf......

Remember yearbook day in junior high? Remember how you'd earmark the pages with your BFFs on them? Remember how you’d find your name in the index and scan each page with your photos, almost overtaken with mammoth anticipation? Remember? Yeah, us neither. But if we were still in junior high, and Zoot Restaurant was in our class, we would totally sign its yearbook with the message, “DON’T EVER CHANGE.” While other restaurants come and......

[The following is an editorial column by contributor Alison Coffey and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Austinist staff. --The Editors] It's not like I have thousands of dollars to make my home my castle, complete with beige furnishings from Room & Board and original artwork and decorative bowls filled with green apples. Even a total home by Target is kind of a struggle. So I don't know why I torture myself......