The week's news on arts, books, film and music....

Don't look now, but Mitt Romney might really be the Republican nominee. They found that fake Steve Jobs guy. Some couple in Arkansas just had their seventeenth child. Would it be rude for us to send them a copy of The Population Bomb? Stevie Wonder is going on tour! (The real Stevie Wonder, not the fake Stevie Wonder.) Bad cops in Bangkok have to wear Hello Kitty armbands. That's supposed to be a punishment?......

Less than two hours are left before Apple's "revolutionary new mobile phone" is finally unleashed to the ravenous hordes. Like in every other big city in the country, Austin's gadget geeks and conspicuous consumers are eagerly awaiting the sweet sound of that six o'clock bell—when they'll finally get to the suckle from the engorged teet of Steve Jobs' brilliant marketing machine. Hell, we'd be camping out, too, if we had $500 to throw around.......

We expect this to be the most popular news bits ever, as well as the best day ever, since everybody's favorite drive-in eatery (Sonic, duh) is giving away FREE root beer floats tonight from 8pm till midnight. Go ahead, locate every Sonic in town and drive around getting free floats until you can't drink root beer floats anymore. This is such a big deal, even Forbes wrote about it. And if you don't get......

Amidst heavy speculation, Steve Jobs reveals Apple Computer's newest gadgets ... It's still unclear whether Dick Cheney is suffering from ailments of his foot, heart, knees, or conscience. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton claims hundreds of US soldiers died in Iraq because their body armor was simply inadequate The Governator reveals the cause of his big fat lip Bush attributes rising test scores to No Child Left Behind act Now the American College of Chest......