So, I produce and co-star a little show called The Dick Monologues. We have four shows this month—three more than usual. Two are in Dallas this weekend at the Water Tower Theatre as part of the Out of the Loop Festival. Two are here in town—one at the Victory Grill on March 21st and the other at Hyde Park Theatre on March 30th. Please tell your Dallas friends to come to the show up there. And if you want to attend an Austin show, please email me at spike@spikeg.com for info. This week, I present a piece I wrote that sometimes appears in the show. Big Dick on Buddha Mountain To meditate with the enlightened Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, is akin to playing guitar with Pete Townsend, making cookies with Martha Stewart, or tying your shoes with Mister Rogers. And so, despite my tight budget, when I heard that Thay, as he is known, was leading a retreat in California, I did what any overzealous aspiring Buddhist would do: I mailed off a hot check to procure my place at the monastery. ...

Waller Creek Design Workshop. Image from City of Austin News Austin Music Commission's Town Hall Meeting Notes AMD Sued Over Birth Defects Plant a Tree for Freedom Waller Creek Design and Vision Workshop At This Rate, We're Having Our Next Happy Hour in Cancun Pangaea: It's For Real, Y'all UT Biologists Propose Biodiversity Institute Save BookWoman! Austin Music Commission Considering Plan to Stop the Rock They've Got the Lasers... Now All You Need is......

Former Longhorn Shaun Rogers made the NFL highlight reel this week when he intercepted a pass and showed the world what it looks like for a 340-pound man to run 66 yards while being chased by other large humans. Rogers, now with the Detroit Lions, then added an exclamation point at the expense of another former Longhorn, Selvin Young of the Denver Broncos. As Young, who isn't a small man himself (he's listed at......

Tonight, appropriately on Friday the 13th, is the opening of the Haunted Forest, which is described as “a spectacularly terrifying experience that is part twisted performance art, part wicked art installations, and total freak the bejesus out of your soul.” We’ve been to haunted houses, but the idea of a three acre haunted forest sounds like much more scary fun. Tonight, there will be music by Gorch Fock and the Jolly Rogers and through......

Well, I posted the last of my guest previews last night, and I want to once again thank John, JD, Jeff, Chris and Becky for helping me out this year. Together they wrote 28 previews for me, and I wouldn't have been able to finish the site without their help. Well... it's not actually finished left, I have six previews left to write. While I work on those, here's an additional set of previews......

[Several weeks ago, we told you about a community radio DJ from Nashville who'd set out, for the second year in a row, to profile all of the bands playing this September's Austin City Limits Festival. We've invited Janet Timmons of Out the Other to join our staff as a guest writer -- she'll be providing weekly summaries of the latest bands she's covered on her fantastic ACL Artist Previews Page. Welcome, Janet! --......

Gay and Lesbian Pride Month continues this weekend with the Texas Pride Festival at Waterloo Park. The annual outdoor celebration brings together a bevy of artists, performers, local merchants and restaurants for an all-day celebration. The schedule of bands appears below: Noon: Manager's Choice 1pm: Lisa Richards ~ 2006 Kerrville New Folk Finalist 2pm: Lisa Rogers/Purly Gates ~ 2006 Kerrville New Folk Finalist 3pm: Flamin' Desire 4pm: Kit Holmes 5pm: Omar Lopez ~ 2006......

An employee of the Travis County sheriff’s department attacked a photojournalist yesterday after leaving a Williamson County court hearing for animal cruelty charges. Mike Truman, a security coordinator, no less, for the department and his wife were facing charges of animal cruelty after animal control had to remove 11 dogs and 3 cats from their house. KXAN photog Julie Karam was at the couple’s house attempting to get footage of the accused, when Truman......

There's a whole wide world out there, and here's the proof: DCist revels in The University of Maryland's basketball triumphs, marvels at Metro's security strategy, and applauds DC local Katie Couric's new gig. Bostonist has the best local papers! While The Globe reports on a baby shower gone bad, the 'Herald coins a gruesome new term. They put down the paper long enough to comment on an election that has gone to the dogs, and,......

"I saw Kenny Rogers outside Time Square Studios this morning at 9ish. He was sitting in his black SUV and telling his fans that he would take care of them 'next time.' He looked exactly like he's had a ridiculous amount of work done." Who gives a damn?! Don't you people have jobs? Or hobbies? Or something? Gawker.com one of the leaders in celebrity gossip on the internet for the past two years has......

Austinist is running around town (just like you) catching as much South By action as is possible this week. The following are our thoughts on the first three films we caught on Friday and Saturday: The Last Western (Documentary) - This short feature (65 minutes) tells stories from Pioneertown, CA, a small outpost built in the 1940's to film western movies. An oddball mix of drifters, eccentrics, and Roy Rogers fans have made the......

Okay! Time for a little break from all the SXSW zaniness! Let's talk about women, shall we? Did you know that March is National Women's History Month? One of our favorite women, the Vortex's fabulous fearless leader Bonnie Cullum, clued us in to this fact a few days ago. To honor the so-called gentler sex, Vortex has created a menu of tasty treats for the entire month. I Look Like An Egg, but I......

Reyes Martinez saw his knife-wielding psychotic ex ("estranged wife," to be exact) approaching his house after a fight in the front yard and made the wise decision. He ran. Fast. Unfortunately, his dog did not follow his example. What ensued was a heinous and senseless crime that is no laughing matter. After the crazy woman, Joanne Lee Hinojosa, took a swipe at her former lover with a knife, she went after the man's best......

M O N D A Y [19] [music] Spoon, stellastarr*, Morningwood and Alpha Rev at The Parish Room [holidays] Armadillo Christmas Bazaar with Austin Lounge Lizards at Austin Music Hall [link] [music] Trans-Siberian Orchestra at Frank Erwin Center [DJ] DJ Mel, Jahmight at Nasty's [music] Elizabeth McQueen and Jason Roberts at Threadgill's [film] Monday Britcoms Night, featuring Nathan Barley at the Drafthouse Downtown (7pm) [link] T U E S D A Y [20] [fundraiser] Kinky......

Next Thursday will mark the 93rd birthday of Lady Bird Johnson, widow of our 36th President of the United States and visionary behind our Town Lake Beautification Project. Austinist wishes the good miss the happiest of birthdays! And to celebrate, the Continental Club is presenting their inaugural "Ladies Nite" this evening, the twist being that everything performed onstage will include the word "lady" at some point: Spontaneously conceived over happy hour pints at a......

The Dionysium (which we described in an earlier posting) is back. This month's debate is to resolve the issue of whether or not the United States should discourage energy consumption with a heavy tax on gasoline. As we continually feel the pinch at our pocketbooks each time we go fuel up, this is a matter that we'd very much like to see resolved, at least for one intellectually intoxicating night. So if you're up......

One shining example of French New Wave director Jean-Luc Godard's intuitive mastery of cinematic storytelling is his 1961 film, Une Femme est Une Femme (A Woman is a Woman). An art-house musical comedy that tells the tale of a bizarre love triangle entangling a Parisian stripper, her stick-in-the-mud lover, and his debonair best friend, Une Femme is Godard's tribute to the golden era of American musicals, when icons like Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, and......

Today, the Paramount Theatre kicks off its annual Summer Film Series. This 30-year tradition showcases more than 60 classic films as you’ve probably never seen them before, including new prints, director’s cuts, the original “Batman” serial (unfortunately not starring Christian Bale, but still entirely watchable), and so much more! It’s a film connoiseur’s dream is what it is. You can purchase a FLIX-TIX book, which gives you 10 admissions for $45 (save $25!). Five......