"Barista Babe" From Unrelated Source, Found on Seattle MetblogsA new coffee trailer in South Austin is hoping to capitalize on the recent "sexpresso" fad that's taken over Seattle. Latte Dolls offers a selection of coffees and espresso drinks served by scantily-clad female baristas with stripper fascinating names like Kyana, Alysha, and Reyna. Touting itself as a "highly-personalized, memorable and convenient coffee alternative to morning commuters and the mobile labor force of Austin," the stand plans... more ›

Zombie is the watchword this time around. Not only is Rob Zombie unmasking his take on 1978’s slasher classic Halloween this weekend, the Alamo Drafthouse has also managed to round up a herd of zombie sheep from New Zealand for your viewing (really resisting the urge to say ewe-ing) pleasure. If you could care less about the grisly fate Rob Zombie doles out to lustful babysitters and the thought of zombie sheep does nothing... more ›

Kind of a slow week for new releases here in Austin. You can either bro out and get amped on some new Die Hard, or submit to the CGI summer blockbuster force that is Ratatouille. Oh, and Michael Moore wanted to talk to you about some things. Live Free or Die Hard: John McClane is back! Now shorn bald (and resembling a very stern penis), he must jump off careening jets and donkey-punch the... more ›

It seems that this past week was filled with extremes, from the most tragic news to the most bizarre crimes. Not knowing how to digest said information, we decided to drink. For a cause, of course! Although we must admit that is a fairly standard solution around these parts. That leaves us with only one way to start off the week; well, two actually. But we don't have a bloody mary, and this is... more ›

You know that abandoned building on 29th and Guadalupe, just across the street from Taco Shack, in between Ruby's BBQ and Spider House? You know, the one whose east wall has been a graffitti artist's dream for over a year? C'mon! The one where Steaming Wolf Penis played an informal performance during Snake By Snakepit? Alright, well, over the past couple weeks you may have noticed local artist Justin Prince painting a mural of... more ›

SXSW 2007's music portion kicks off three weeks from today. We hope you are keeping hydrated, getting extra sleep, and listening to every MP3 you can find in order to plan your schedules. In an effort to help you, the festival goer, here are some great recent developments in the SX world: - Saturday brought the reveal of the SXSW showcase schedule and band bio pages. After a delayed start with the band list,... more ›

*The views expressed in Truesday are those of the author and do not represent Austinist as a whole. Thank heavens.* -The Editors more ›

Jagshemash! Borat is a hit. It's getting rave reviews, grossing millions, and definitely the most quotable thing we've seen in ages. But Borat seems to have missed most of the -ist cities, and we were all wondering how the film would have been different if he'd made his way around the world on the -ist tour. In Shanghai, Borat would be observing Inane Learnings of Penis Photos for Make Benefit Glorious Flat World of... more ›

If you've become increasingly bored with the Old Lions of student media at The University of Texas, you may want to consider an alternative. The Daily Texan, once considered the legit alt-paper when this was still a one-horse town, was ousted by The Austin Chronicle long ago, and now tends to offer minimal reporting that increasingly looks more like any other college daily than the proud former home of Willie Morris and Bill Moyers.... more ›

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• The cook did it, at the Maine Bed and Breakfast, with a knife and a butcher block. Creepy smirk in the picture.
• A father and football coach in California just wanted to be a part of the game a little too badly.
• Since minimum wage isn't making ends meet, maybe stripping will...
• Embarassed about your penis pump? We don't recommend telling airport security that it's a bomb to hide it from your mother.
• A Norwegian Museum seeks public input through Legos.
• Apparently Steve Irwin didn't pull the Stingray barb out of himself...it does make a more dramatic story, though.
• Many teens opt for unprotected sex.
• As if fried Twinkies weren't enough to instantly cause heart failure, Fried Coca-Cola is now an option at the State Fair.
• The bins all over campus for Austin Student will, unfortunately, remain empty.

We might actually watch our local news if it involved porn. Those lucky Swedes. Follow up: We told you a while ago about a judge who used a penis pump during trials; the man was convicted and sentenced to time in prison. All we want is to be loved to be rich to be influential to be famous. Express any kind of interest in anything remotely explosive at a public meeting, and you might... more ›

That bitch that cut you off almost swiping the side of your shiny car wasn't drunk. She was gossiping on her cell phone. But she might as well have been drunk. Check out some proposals for Austin's largest public art project and tell the developer what you think. Who knew that Disney World was such a dangerous place? A judge in Oklahoma, was insecure about his own sexual performance behind the bench. He was... more ›

Austin's high-brow erotica e-zine, Box Magazine, just launched issue #4. "Binge + Purge" contains a ton of tittilating text and other, well, things, which we're not gonna bother summarizing owing to its exhaustively comprehensive nature. [sex toys, hot photos, and a pair of melon-sized testicles: box mag #4] Along with the new issue, Box has also done a site redesign, incorporating a bunch of new features, among which are things like Wiley Wiggins' sex blog ("...Axillism is a sex act between a penis and an armpit. So my question is what position do you think would be best for my new fetish?"), a porn review blog ("Usually, porn movies are something my penis and I have a deep understanding about."), and outtakes from past photo shoots. We should probably also mention that all of the links in this post are NSFW (not suitable for work). more ›

New York/California indie rock trio We Are Scientists are one of the most entertaining bands around, in part because of their punchy pop-punk sound but even more because of their offbeat sense of humor: on the official W.A.S. website, the lanky lads offer an advice column, in which they tackle all manners of ridiculous problems from fans ("I'm worried about the size of my cat's penis/the other cats are laughing"), and also frequently update a reviews feature, where they comment on everything from the 2004 "Keelboat" Nickel to the Pun-Based Sign At the Manchester Metro Premier Travel Inn Front Desk. Having released their impressive major-label debut, With Love and Squalor, earlier this year, the Scientists are currently on tour with Sheffield "NME band" Arctic Monkeys. Both will be in town tomorrow night for a show at Stubb's outdoors -- tickets are still available online. more ›

TUESDAY [30] [music] "German with a laptop" Jan Jelinek does a solo show at Flamingo Cantina -- check out what Tiny Mix Tapes has to say! (Thanks, Margaret!) (link) [music] Scion returns to Austin with Tony Touch, DJ Hier, DJ Kwestion and DJ Mel at The Parish Room (Free, RSVP required) (link) [music] Youngmond Grand and Solace Bros at Club DeVille (link) [books] Mark Falkin presents Days of Grace at BookPeople (7pm) (link) [film] Out... more ›

Londonist prepares a Happy Birthday bath for Buddah this week and then things get all cliched. A madman goes on a rampage while axe-wiedling and London's mayor warns an American diplomat to avoid the kitchen if the heat bothers him so much. LAist has finally come around to purchasing tickets for Clipper Train. Hyper local dating sites are spamming L.A. neighborhoods and the fascinating Dame Darcy talks with LAist about art, the city and earthquakes.... more ›

For years now we have been over -inundated with salt & pepper haired men throwing cats through tire swings or sitting in hot tubs at dusk, frisky as hell, waiting for all that pharmacologically-inspired blood to rush to their johnsons as the missus sits by nervously, er, eagerly, waiting for her gravity-caught-up-to spare-tire-having lover to regain his vigor and mount her like the wild (and loving) animal he once was for a few weeks... more ›

Apparently some women will not take “No” for an answer. Such was the case this week when an Austin woman physically assaulted a man for refusing to have sex with her a second time! more ›

It's called the Austin Party Bus. We saw it wobbling along on Mopac. We were scared and stayed a safe distance behind, worried the thing would veer off the road, throwing out screaming bachelorette party attendees and fake penis party favors, the bride-to-be saved by the cushioning powers of the 3 foot blow up pecker. more ›

The Rawk Show, an exhibit featuring art and photography created by musicians, will be opening on March 14 at The Space (4803 Airport Blvd.) The list of artists, which is included in the extended post, is impressive and includes Mark Mothersbaugh, Fischerspooner, and Jimi Hendrix's penis.... more ›