An asteroid could hit Mars next month prompting Mars' threat level to move to Orange. Riots erupt in New Orleans over the demolition of public housing buildings. Why can't New Orleans get a chance to relax? Hearings have been set regarding the destruction of the CIA torture tapes. Bush claims to be totally ignorant about everything, especially this and especially you!...

Democrats debate in Iowa, everybody yawns. Al Gore blames you. "If you wanna get down, down on the ground..." It is so freaking cold in the midwest! Call your grandma and check on her. New Jersey is set to abolish the death penalty. Paris Hilton likes to show skin. Wastewater spills into Bull Creek tributary.......

image from rriiccee.com RIICCEE feat. Vincent Gallo and Eric ErlandsonMonday, Dec. 3rdAlamo Drafthouse Downtown (320 E 6th Street)9:45, $20.00[info] | [tickets]Oh, Vincent Gallo, how do we love thee? Let us count the ways: a.) You slept with Paris Hilton years before she was famous. Proof. [don't worry, it's not porn.] b.) You made Buffalo 66, one of the very few late-90s "cult classic" flicks that is actually any good. c.) You offered samples of your,......

One of the great film directors dies Texas has gotten fatter...and fatter... The American Medical Association has way too much time on their hands Free from jail, Paris Hilton to make "colorful" attempt at career revival Shockingly, do-it-yourself exorcism turns out all wrong......

Holy smokes! Giant fish on the MTA, Paris Hilton in jail, then out, then in again, Al Gore, goatses, blumpkins, Matt Damon, and baby art critics! It's been a busy week across the Ist-A-Verse, and here's a smattering of what's been going on. In Gothamist's neck of the woods, they found out that many things are possible: A man caught a 40+ pound fish off the Rockaways and took it home on the subway. Graffiti......

While the world focuses its attention on Paris Hilton's upcoming jailtime adventures, another member of the federal prison system is hoping to have himself a laugh—before he dies. The 39-year-old death row inmate in Livingston, Texas, convicted for brutally killing his neighbors nearly 16 years ago, has been running a rather macabre contest on a friend's website. Visitors are invited to submit their favorite jokes and one-liners; the inmate, set to be executed at the......

Hastert knew about Foley three years ago, but forgot to write it down and it just slipped his mind and he's been very busy and stressed out at work and WILL YOU PEOPLE JUST GET OFF HIS BACK already? NYT food reporter R.W. Apple dies; readers of the Dining Out section are now deprived of that sweet little chuckle every time they see his byline. If Al Gore is right, which, of course, he......

Iraqis are now in control of their own military. Cross your fingers. Global warming is making Siberian lakes belch methane, causing more global warming. Hey! You won't be giggling when the water starts rising! Marion Jones didn't dope. See, we told you girls are smarter than that. OH, HELL YEAH! Via LAist: Paris Hilton gets arrested. Luckily for her, apparently being rich acts as a powerful antidote to alcohol absorption.......

So, like, you guys, guess WHAT? Tara Reid is totally in Austin right now! OMG! She’s like, BFF with Paris Hilton! No shit! Like, she got into town yesterday, and she’s just chillin’ with some of her girlfriends for a while. Yeah, like, she was hanging out at Six last night. Seriously! Our friend Aimee’s ex-boyfriend Brad like, TOTALLY tried to hit on her. He is such a tool. OMG y’all, maybe she’ll like,......

*Warning: Post may contain sarcasm.* Why do people always feel the need to label and categorize everything and everyone? She’s a hipster; that guy’s a douche bag; those kids are square. We assume, with our rudimentary understanding of psychology and sociology, that it has something to do with fear and insecurity. We’re not real sure, but sometimes it can be a lot of fun. And we hate it when people don’t live up to......

We realize Paris Hilton is an easy target, in every sense of the word. Under normal circumstances we would respect her penchant for privacy. Nevertheless… In addition to her celebutanting activities and awe-inspiring acting skills, Paris can now add prolific author to her resume. Her 2004 debut, Confessions of an Heiress, truly stunned the literati. She has followed it up with the tear-jerking Your Heiress Diary: Confess It All to Me. “Life is a......

-The director of Austin's Clean Water Program has been asked to resign amidst claims of "inappropriate" business dealings with his girlfriend -Austin Chronicle's Amy Smith tries to explain just what Prop 2 proponents were thinking -A murder suspect from San Marcos may be lurking somewhere in Austin -Cops raided a meth lab somewhere south of William Cannon -The country might be getting more prudish, but at least we can count on more sex on......

As this weekend draws increasingly nearer, we've found ourselves becoming giddy with anticipation over all the awesome bands we're going to see and the parties we're going to attend - we're most excited, of course, about our "Local Music is Sexy" rock show + dance party going down at the Velvet Spade this Saturday (no cover! giveaways! hot Austin musicians!). With all our careful planning and preparations these past few weeks, the conditions for......

Did we ever tell you that our favorite part of the movie House of Wax was when Paris Hilton gets skewered in the eye? Or was it just the head? It doesn't really matter, we guess. Anyway, it's green chile time, Austinites. Whole Foods, Central Market, and Chuy's are trucking 'em in, and we reap the benefits. You can pick up roasted green chiles from Whole Foods every Saturday and Sunday in August, if......