The notion that ‘It's not a conspiracy theory if it's actually true,’ is about as spot-on and useful as ‘Golly, she ain’t a witch if she done drown.’...

It’s almost Halloween weekend, and you’re getting the final details of your costume all worked out. It’s going to be face-slapping rad this year because your best friend said they were going to be decked out as Osama Bin Laden, which forced your hand in the Mummy vs Statue Of Liberty debate. Time to make your parents proud. You need somewhere to sport yourselves as a happy couple. You need an environment where profiling such......

The mother of a missing British girl to become a suspect in the case. Republican Fred Thompson focuses on Iowa voters. A US district judge strikes down portions of the Patriot Act. US forces at a all-time high in Iraq. Osama bin Laden dyes his beard to look younger. Democratic fundraiser, Norman Hsu, faces sentencing on 16-year-old grand theft conviction. Paul McCartney is still cool.......

The first Muslim congressman is going to be sworn in using Thomas Jefferson's Quran. God bless America. 2007 will be the hottest year yet. Pet them polar bears goodbye. Stop making fun of grad students. Education keeps you young. A bunch of Whitney Houston's stuff is going to be auctioned off to pay her bills. Unless this is an elaborate CIA plot to entice Osama bin Laden to show up to bid on her......

The judge in Saddam's trial just told him that he was never a dictator. The enabling magistrate then reassured, "And your butt doesn't look fat in that, either," before the two took final swigs of their Smirnoff Ices and headed down to Sixth Street. Bush tells conservative journos that this country is in the middle of a third Great Awakening. That crumbling you hear? Oh, that's nothing, just a pesky little wall between church......

The FDA approved Plan B as an OTC drug for women 18 and older; the Christian Right looks on in horror as chicks across the nation head out to slut it up. An American woman is about to become the first female space tourist. Tourism: that's where we are Vikings. Apparently, being hipper-than-thou won't save you from laptop explosions. Apple's recalling batteries, just like Dell. Rescued POW Jessica Lynch is pregnant. In perhaps unrelated......

Another Waco-type situation presently looms on the horizon out in west Texas, just south of San Angelo. This time, instead of the Branch Davidians and David Koresh, it’s the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS), a radical polygamist organization based out of Utah, headed by its spiritual leader, Warren Jeffs. Jeffs is wanted in Arizona and Utah on criminal charges of sexual conduct with a minor and rape. He is also......

The SWAT standoff off of Riverside yesterday ended in the arrest of a 19-year old who allegedly shot two people overnight-injuries were minor. George W. Bush's visit to India-in hopes of congealing some kind of partnership with the country-is laughable. His next stop is Pakistan where, ironically, he has been deemed as The Most Hated Man. If only we had his confidence, after a 5 year search, Bush insists that Osama Bin Laden will......

In The News Today: State Legislature Goes To Special Session Governor Rick “Drive Gays Out Of Texas” Perry vetoed the education budget and called a special session giving legislators 30 days to figure out a new plan.[Source] This is not the first time the state lege has tried to resolve the education budget [Source], and with their track record on this one, it probably won't be the last. And In National News CIA Has......