The day before the election, I had my uterus yanked. The only way these two things are related is that, when I got home on Election Day, despite the fact I was drugged out of my mind and could not stand up straight and was beyond exhausted, I waited up to hear the returns. When Jon Stewart called it at around 11, it was so early I thought he was kidding. I double checked with CNN, found out he wasn’t kidding, and dragged my sorry ass out onto the front lawn where I stood doubled over—for about five seconds—banging a large spoon on a big frying pan. I was that happy. Then I collapsed....

So, it is the middle of the week and you are just now leaving your bland, cubed-in day job, and you're thinking, "Man, I wish I had something rockin' to do tonight, you know, like a disco/spandex/musical/biblical allegory party to go to....." Well, dear reader, you may not believe it, but you are in luck, because tonight at 11:59pm, The Apple is going to change the course of human life. Sure, we have a tendency towards hyperbole, but this time we are serious. Made by the same geniuses who brought us Over the Top—yeah, the Sly Stone trucker arm wrestling extravaganza—The Apple is the 80s musical version of Adam and Eve, only with more glitter. And hair products. And terrible singing....

If you can’t wait for tomorrow’s fireworks to start celebrating this great nation of ours; or if you love your country, but hate fireworks; or heck, maybe you like fireworks, but only when you’re the one doing the lighting, you can join others just like yourself at Alamo Ritz tonight for the Team America: World Police sing-along. ...

Zachary Scott Theatre's presentation of Seussical might not be the best "My First Musical" experience, but small theatre-goers will enjoy its swift pace and bright visuals, while Mom and Dad delight in the brightest members of its ensemble....

There are a million ways to be, you know that there are. Some people look at the world through dark, cloudy glass, and some through rose-colored; amazingly love can still be seen and had through both. With that in mind, the Paramount will be putting a little black into their red this week as they continue their 33rd annual Summer Classic Film Series with two sets of amorous flicks, one pair with its sights on Park Avenue and the other buried six feet under. And remember, films are only $7, and if you go to the first film in the double feature, you get the second one for free!...

What sets Laura and her show apart is a wild imagination and an ability to get the audience inside her head. Not only that, but she pulls this off with no set to speak of and very few props, key among what little she uses being a ukulele and a shopping cart. Luna Tart, the character, much like her creator, is not just from another era, she’s from another planet....