Results tagged “mcdonalds”

• Cops can spend more time at the donut shop, thanks to new speed detection cameras. But don't worry--they're only testing the cams in Hudspeth County and College Station, places you should probably avoid anyway.
• Apple releases Safari for Windows. Hackers hack Safari for Windows. Apple releases Safari for Windows 3.0.1.
• Dirty keyboard? Put it in the dishwasher. You might want to make sure it's waterproof first, though.
• Hamas forces seize Fatah security headquarters in Gaza City. As if the Israeli-Palestinian conflict weren't enough, the Palestinians may now be divided as well: Hamas in Gaza, and Fatah in the West Bank. Hard to find something funny about that one.
• Strike on Shiite shrine brings retaliation. So when will the whole world be blind?
• You're never too old for graffiti. Or whorehouses. (Linguistic revelation gives yet more meaning to "Puff the Magic Dragon.")
• Who knew microwave popcorn needed to be banned? Personally, we like stopping work for a while to evacuate. Gives us a little brain rest.
• Doctors overcharge without producing better results. Don't they get enough money from drug companies already?
• High school seniors get free cars for coming to school, and proceed to use cars to ditch college classes. At least they were only Chevy Cobalts.
• Foreigners get all the good (?) fast food. When will they start serving queso at McDonald's?

"The cure for the common film fest," Austin Underground Film Fest is the way to go if you're beginning to tire of the latest blockbusters. Rest assured Delta Farce, The Ex, Knocked Up, and their ilk won't be on the program June 9, when you'll begin to feel what the weather is like underground. The 2007 lineup for the underground festival features several shorts, including Ghetto Big Mac, A Girl Like Me, Drawing Between the...

If you're hiking, consider charging up your iPod, as Seattlest finds out that a man lost during a hike was found by the glow of his iPod. That cleverness seems to be devoid in cops who were using police cruiser instant messaging clients - although we imagine IMs "so are you nakie" to be included in cop shows, just for realism. If only the cops were busting the Hummer-driving jerk who made a poor...

• Who can blame a dog for loving girls' panties?
• You should know that any kind of "cum" on your resume could eliminate you from contacting potential employers. Think of another way to say "magna cum laude".
• In Connecticut, a woman was bitten by a coyote apparently because she didn't have a Big Mac on her. Perhaps the coyote should travel to France, where they have the largest number of McDonald's franchises outside the US and an increasingly obese population.
• Monopoly is getting a makeover. New game pieces will advertise resemble items associated with any major corporation who was willing to pony up the goods.
• Having our feet licked in a Wal-Mart would certainly be a religious experience of sorts. Of course you'd have to get us in to a Wal-Mart first.
• Attorney General Gonzales wants ISP's to save the internet surfing habits of their clientele. We think he just wants to know where all the good, free porn is.
  

Like fake boobs and dyed hair, fake Ohio State vs. Texas tickets are out there to ruin your day. Clay Aiken of American Idol fame just might be President Bush's new pet. Former President Clinton is getting a pimp ride, a custom Mercury Mariner Hybrid surely outfitted with features that rival the Batmobile. Ladies, ladies. Your high heels are a death trap. A man's gun accidentally fired while he was in a Wal-Mart bathroom....

• As smart as we think we are, we can barely remember the names of the people were introduced to yesterday. Dolphins have us beat, damn brilliant creatures.
• The energy-producing windmills that are supposed to be uber-environmentally-friendly have some bird lovers in a tizzy. Is anyone else eerily bothered by the Grackles? We're thinking we need some of those windmills scattered around town. Incidentally- Grackles are known for imitating human speech better than parrots. C.R.E.E.P.Y.
• In response to the brutal, racially motivated attack on a Houston teen, a State Senator wants to set up a "Hate Crime Registry" similar to the registry for sex offenders.
• It looks like thunderback Henry Melton could also see action at DE: With the Horns so loaded in the backfield, Brown and Melton decided to give [playing Melton at defensive end] a shot. The 270-pound Mack truck played both ways in the spring and might find himself in some situation roles at an equally stacked end position. Other news from that scouting report: We should look for WR Jordan Shipley, TE Jermichael Finley, and all three of our linebackers to make some big plays alongside all the returning talent. The big question, of course, is at quarterback.
• Ironically, the UN's latest Human Rights Forum contains members that have reputations as being the World's Worst Abusers.
• I want someone to eat me. That's what one German dude really did tell a cannibal that he met on the internet. Satisfying sexual urges has never been so easy. Said cannibal is getting life in prison where he just might take on a new fetish.
• Is there anything that your cell phone can't do? Nokia now offers a phone that acts as a personal trainer. We're just going to hold out for the pocket liposuction phone that might come out next year.
• Disney and McDonald's are ending their business deal that puts those worthless cute toys in Happy Meals. Disney doesn't want to be associated with a role in childhood obesity.

The running season, that is. Remember how we told you about all those races last weekend? Well there are more this weekend. And next weekend. And every weekend. Sweet Jesus! We can't keep up!

• There has got to be a better way to transport Turkeys. Ever driven behind one of these trucks with your window's rolled down? Ugh.
• A woman in Iowa got stuck to the toilet seat at a mall. Investigators called it assault and vandalism- we call it funny as shit.
• Some people might appreciate that the Star Wars saga can soon be seen in just 20 minutes. Someone please find it on the internet for us after the filiming.
• Some pilots totally ignored warnings that there was a mountain in the way. They crashed.
• Albetra, Canada is NOT the place to be these days. First, Edmonton couldn't keep up with demands for beer during their stint in the NHL playoffs, now they are having issues with bad delivery service.
• This woman has an eerily positive attitude about the surprise tattoo her ex boyfriend gave her while she was sleeping.
• McDonald's etiquette. McRules if you will. Because we will take. you. out. if you even TRY to get tomatoes on a Big Mac.