Not long after I hooked up with Warren, my young hot boyfriend, he introduced me to the lovely, talented Audrey Maker. Audrey puts together burlesque shows around town. Which is how I wound up, last fall, as a volunteer at the Texas Burlesque Fest, a sold-out, over the topless, two-night celebration of boobs. I got to work the Undressing Room, hanging out with beautiful women (and some men) in various states of undress, asking them if they needed anything. Warren had the more exciting job of Panty Catcher. Outfitted in a Super Hero costume enhanced with a big, bright pink, crocheted cock, he served a function similar to that of the ball boys and girls at Wimbledon. Each time an act finished, Warren dashed onstage to retrieve thongs, gloves, corsets, fishnets, etc. to clear the way for the next act....

Getting married ruined Free Sex in Public for me. Let me explain. Back in the late ‘90’s, I was dating an asshole we’ll call George, since that was his name. George would do things like ask me to come over and help him pack for a trip and he’d leave condoms out on top of his suitcase for me to find. Now why, you might ask—and I most certainly asked —would he need condoms for a trip on which I was not joining him? Well George was one of those guys who liked to give the speech that goes like this, “Babe, we’re above that monogamy crap. We’re beyond it. We’ve evolved.” What he meant by that was that every time he went to Chicago, he would be banging his so-called ex but that if I so much as attempted to have a platonic lunch with a male friend he would threaten to break up with me and/or kill himself. Very evolved, George! Later, after we finally finally FINALLY—oh Thank you Baby Jesus!—really did breakup, two major things happened....

FRIDAY [1] party • Rare Magazine Summer Issue Launch Party at Mean Eyed Cat (5:30pm) bikes • Republic of Texas Biker Rally at All Over Austin dance/benefit • Project Transitions Hosts 12th Annual Texas Swing at Saengerrunde Hall and Scholz’s Beer Garten ($40, 8-Midnight) art • Opening Reception: Cantanker/us, the Cantanker Magazine staff show at Else Madsen Gallery, 411 Brazos, Suite 99 (7-11pm) art • The B Scene at The Blanton Museum of Art,......

Note: Several weekend events will be added in the afternoon. THURSDAY [5] fashion/music/party • Car Stereo (Wars), Visuals by Super!Alright!, and 30-40% Everything at Strut (6-10pm) film • "Military Intelligence and You" at Alamo Drafthouse Lakecreek (7:30pm) art •Opening Reception for Aki Nagasaka's "Yellow Labyrinth" at Women and Their Work (6-8pm) books •Pam Oslie presents Love Colors at BookPeople (7:00pm) books •Hans Ulrich Gumbrecht presents "In 1926: Why and How?" at The Harry Ransom......

East Austin's Saltillo Lofts will host its first annual "Sidewalk Celebration" this Sunday, kicking things off with the official opening of the New East Arts Gallery. New East is the latest venture by DiverseArts, a local nonprofit producer of multidisciplinary art and culture projects such as East End Fourth Fridays and the former Downtown Arts Magazine. Their inaugural exhibit, entitled "Fresh Black Paint," features works by New Orleans artist/musician Terrence Moline, who relocated, post-Katrina,......

Valentine’s Day may be over, but that doesn’t mean the love has to end. If you’re looking for a special way to celebrate with a partner/friend/whoever – and benefit Amnesty International while you’re at it – may we suggest attending the next Burlesque for Peace event this Saturday, February 17th? This year’s theme is “Black Tie Burlesque,” and prizes will be awarded for the best James Bond, Bond girl, and Bond villain costumes. The......

WEDNESDAY [14] music • White Ghost Shivers Valetine's Day Party at Scoot Inn music • Bigwood, Street Light Suzie, Sedium, The Ivory Class at Emo's Lounge music • The Stags, Future Clouds and Radar, Radar Radar, The Strange Boys at Emo's music • Kitty Kitty Bang Bang Valentine's Day Party at Stubb's music • Anti-Valentines Day Second Halloween Party at Beerland music • Jimmie Dale Gilmore at Cactus Café (8:30pm) music • People Skills,......

Are you ready to get naughty this weekend? There are some sexy carnies begging you to play their games at this year's Extravagasm 2006: Carnival of the Senses. Free your Saturday night plans and take your sexiest costume out of the closet. This celebration of sensuality, eroticism, and creative naughtiness offers a fun, frivolous, and safe environment to explore the risqué. Performers include fetish model and performer Angela Ryan, burlesque group Kitty Kitty Bang......

Is the burlesque art form enjoying a resurgence? Here in Austin, Red Light Burlesque, started in 2001, claims the earliest origins. Kitty Kitty Bang Bang has been around since 2002. Newcomers to the scene include Shrewd After Dark, who started doing burlesque last year, and the brand new Jigglewatts. There's even a national tour, The Most Dangerous Burlesque Tour in the World, coming to Emo's in November courtesy of the Suicide Girls (er, that......

As your eyes try to focus through the after-party-induced, post-intoxication (or still intoxicated) haze that's been your modus operandi this week, don't feel bad that you're a little...less productive than normal. The theatre community isn't getting much done either. But, while this may be a slow week on the boards, coming next weekend only, ProArts Collective is bringing you Kissing the Goodbye, written and directed by the fabulous Zell Miller (who we love). Also,......

Our comprehensive theatre guide can be found here M O N D A Y [13][film] Ralph Nelson's "Tick…Tick…Tick" at Drafthouse Downtown (7pm) (link) [film] Alamo Music Mondays presents "Fela Kuti: Music is the Weapon" at Drafthouse Downtown (9:45pm) (link) [comedy] "Richard Pryor Live in Concert" at Drafthouse South Lamar (10:15pm) (link) [film] "Coachella" at Drafthouse Village (9:45pm) (link) T U E S D A Y [14] [party/music] The White Ghost Shivers Valentine's Day Ball at......

For the love of all that helps us avoid responsibility in life, THIS SHOW IS GOOD. Our girlfriend picked up tickets to Inside a Broken Clock: a Tom Waits Peepshow for this past weekend’s showing at Victory Grill. We were skeptical about the whole thing, because we have a really unhealthy respect (read: disturbing and borderline criminal fascination) for the work of Waits. And we have a nagging suspicion that the world is hell-bent......

Supposedly there is a ranch in the Texas Hill Country where "wayward women...spend their days bronco bustin' and pillow fightin'". Who knew? Wednesday night they are coming to town for "a night of sin, gin, and tassel twirlin'". Hmmm, okay. These wayward women happen to make up a Burlesque troop called Kitty Kitty Bang Bang and they have a show Wednesday night at Esther's Pool (525 E. 6th St.) called Whim Wham Wednesday. The......

There are just so many reasons to love Austin. We find new ones everyday, in fact. And several of those reasons are most definitely the raucous and racy ladies of Kitty Kitty Bang Bang. Yep, right here in the middle of red Texas, we’ve got our very own burlesque show. Praise the Lord. It just so happens that these lovely ladies want YOU (no, not you – YOU) to be a part of their......

The girls of Kitty Kitty Bang Bang have once again saddled up to hit the dusty trail. Tonight you can catch them, and their spaghetti western in action at Antone's. Two shows, 8pm and 11pm. Doors at 7pm. Remember, a slow trigger finger might lead to your hopes of getting in shot down, so tickets can be purchased in advance for $15 here. How you can you refuse a night of assless chaps, gun-toting bombshells,......