State Senator Dan Patrick (R, Houston) has taken up watercolors. Though he claims to have “no idea of how to paint the face of Jesus,” he does claim that his savior happened to appear in his latest work. While attempting a watercolor of the Statue of Liberty, Patrick made some adjustments and was surprised to see the 'face of Jesus' appear within the lady's brightly colored robes. "I decided to try a Peter Max type of painting of the Statue of Liberty. I could not get the fact right and used water to remove the paint on her face. When it dried and I tried to clean it up suddently the face of Jesus appeared so clearly." Death & Taxes Magazine doesn't think Patrick realizes the implications of a brightly colored Jesus wearing the outfit of one of the United States' most famous women, but we do. And it's hilarious. more ›

• Texas A&M scientists are starting the zombie invasion. Texas ranchers are actually excited about this.
• Dallas couple found Jesus in a Cheeto. They nicknamed it "Cheesus."
• An 11 year-old Lakeway boy is among the people protesting the removal of trees at Barton Springs Pool. He even has a website and an online petition!

Join the good people at the Salvage Vanguard Theatre on December 7 for a very special evening of holiday celebration, art and - why not - Tom Waits' birthday. more ›

Like Republican VP nominee, Sarah Palin, I, too, am a hunter and a fisherwoman. In fact, I like to combine the two by shooting fish in a barrel. Which is why, though I know I’m way late to the over-saturated sport known as hurl-shit-at-the-unvetted-candidate-chosen-for-her-good-looks-lack-of-penis-and-radical-conservatism, I just can’t resist. Let’s examine the obvious, shameless marketing first. Apparently, to illustrate her point that no woman should ever be allowed to have an abortion (except in very extreme cases, which I will get back to in a minute) Palin came up with an elaborate plot not only to have five children, but to make sure one of them has Down Syndrome, just so she could point to her holier-than-the-rest-of-us self. Even Pappy and Babs Bush didn’t stoop so low as to play the Retard Card, despite the fact they, too, have a mentally disabled son, one who managed to land a job in the White House. more ›

Clinton campaign seeks to control local caucus sessions? more ›

With Speeding Motorcycle, Zach Scott Theater has delivered a solid product. The basic story is simple—boy meets girl; boy becomes obsessed with girl; boy really, really can’t let go. The show also deals with Johnston’s stint inside the mental hospital system. we’d recommend it for any Johnston fan, but unlike most of Zach’s offerings, bringing your granny, your momma or your baby sister might be a little problematic. more ›

Getting married ruined Free Sex in Public for me. Let me explain. Back in the late ‘90’s, I was dating an asshole we’ll call George, since that was his name. George would do things like ask me to come over and help him pack for a trip and he’d leave condoms out on top of his suitcase for me to find. Now why, you might ask—and I most certainly asked —would he need condoms for a trip on which I was not joining him? Well George was one of those guys who liked to give the speech that goes like this, “Babe, we’re above that monogamy crap. We’re beyond it. We’ve evolved.” What he meant by that was that every time he went to Chicago, he would be banging his so-called ex but that if I so much as attempted to have a platonic lunch with a male friend he would threaten to break up with me and/or kill himself. Very evolved, George! Later, after we finally finally FINALLY—oh Thank you Baby Jesus!—really did breakup, two major things happened. more ›

Our Indieroke night returns this Tuesday to The Mohawk. What started out as a one-off fling with rock stardom has turned into a monthly gathering of like-minded folks craving that fleeting moment of exhilaration. If you haven’t made it to one yet, we strongly recommend getting there in a timely fashion to get your name and song on the list early…and often. (You know who you are!) We will have multiple song list books going forward to ease that pain. more ›

Frontera Fest is such a playing-field-leveled egalitarian opportunity for creative types from all walks and skill levels to have a night in the spotlight. Totally worth the $12 -14 price of admission but don’t wait to figure this out later. The wait for unclaimed tickets on sold out nights starts an hour before showtime and baby it’s cold outside. more ›

Joe Rogan is intimidating; not merely physically, but as an evangelist for stand-up comedy as a means of creative expression—as an art form. Rogan famously accused Carlos Mencia of stealing other comics’ material in an exchange that highlighted not just his physical stature but his wit and his dedication to the craft. Having been on the cast of NewsRadio, Rogan certainly has the credentials to back his convictions. We had a chit-chat with him earlier this week, in anticipation of his performance at the Cap City Comedy Club on December 30th and 31st. more ›

It's been a big year for local acts. Big name bands like Spoon, Iron & Wine and Okkervil River made a huge impact on the independent music scene world-wide, while up and coming acts like White Denim and Moth!Fight! captured our attention at the indie rock water cooler all year long. As rising hopes and swelling egos swept the town alongside buzz and bravado, we parted ways with bands like SOUND Team and Clap!Clap!. more ›

What’s the Deal: Definitely one of the better pun band names, with an extra ‘r’ thrown on the end to avoid any messy copyright fisticuffs with Lucas and the Star Wars powers that be. This Austin foursome have very successfully emerged in time with a re-popularization of shoegaze in a way that doesn’t seem contrived or cleverly created to take advantage of this renewed interest. Instead, they fit right in there with Jesus and Mary Chain and My Bloody Valentine, or at least a step below. It’s fuzzy, super-loud, noise pop with a steady beat, wave after wave of ambient guitar noise and warm vocals that melt into the music. more ›

Glassy-eyed college student:Make me a sandwich robot. Equally glassy-eyed friend:Wait, do you mean "make me a sandwich, robot" or do you mean "make me a sandwich robot"? Like, are you calling me a robot or are you saying you want a robot that specializes in making sandwiches? Girl in the ladies bathroom at Gingerman pub: So I was sleeping with Steve the other night and after we were done I told him that the... more ›

But what if attitudes and religious memeplexes aren’t changing because adapting to social pressure is necessary? What if the new millenarianism, instead of crashing computers, will be a fight to the death with a Frankenstein version of Mother Nature? What if environmentalism is becoming the new faith? What if responsible consumerism is the new moral ethic? What if recycling, dear Green God, is the new ritual of absolution? more ›

First things first: we must differentiate between the chutzpah of a band at Radiohead's level of critical distinction and popularity initially releasing their album for donation and making the most revolutionary music industry statement since the dawn of the Internet Age... (big breath) ...and the chutzpah it takes to make truly ground-breaking musical statements. In Rainbows does not employ the latter. Still, one leaves with the impression that the boys from Oxford are convinced that,... more ›

It looks like our state legislators elected the wrong dinosaur to represent us as the official mascot of Texas: a new report claims that the bones found in North Central Texas, previously believed to be those of a pleurocoelus, are actually from an altogether different species. more ›

"When was the last time you saw a stuffed chicken taking phone calls, a mermaid playing an ocean harp, and a burnt-out yet decorated has-been singing to a cat in a litter box?”, asked Rebecca Havemeyer in an email. Um, not in quite some time, we thought to ourselves. She continued, “It’s time to get your pennies and prayers together, boys, because a telethon is coming to Austin!” Rebecca is promoting her Live Telethon Jubilee... more ›

Once in a while, we like to take some time to introduce you to bands -- both local otherwise -- that we think you'd enjoy. Le Diamont Brut aims to showcase those MySpace gems we hope to see shine. Recommend your local suggestions by emailing music@austinist.com. BON IVER What’s The Deal: Charming and intimate soulful folk songs lead by an acoustic guitar and the enchanting falsetto voice of Justin Vernon. For Emma, Forever Ago is... more ›

Madeleine L'Engle, best known for her 1963 Newbery Award-winning novel, A Wrinkle in Time, passed away last night at her home in Connecticut. L'Engle authored more than sixty books for kids of all ages. Other works included A Ring of Endless Light, a Newbery Honor Book, and A Swiftly Tilting Planet, winner of the American Book Award. L'Engle was named the 1998 recipient of the Margaret A. Edwards award, honoring her lifetime contribution in writing... more ›

In your mouth you have these things called taste buds. The amazing thing is that everyone’s buds are different--even people who came out of the same birth canal. For example, we lurv broccoli and begged for it as a child. But our siblings, and this guy, hate it. Taste buds don’t make sense. Tastes buds are kinda like humor receptors; everyone’s sense of what is good is different, and thankfully no one can tell us... more ›

Each week, Austinist's staff takes some time to introduce you to the bands playing at this year's Austin City Limits festival. Some you know, some not so much, but they're all going to be here, so stay tuned. --Paige Maguire, Music Editor The Gospel Silvertones specialize in soothing R&B and soul fit to kick off most mornings -- the band plays regularly at some of Austin’s favorite breakfast and brunch spots on weekends. They recently... more ›

Another Tuesday means another stellar evening featuring Texas bands at the Mohawk. Horse+Donkey and Basic brought the rock last week for a festive pre-4th of July effort, complete with chants of “U.S.A.” This week, recent Red River regulars Ume headline a night of amazing, ear-shattering noise-rock at the weekly series. Ringo Deathstarr open with their brand of Jesus and Mary Chain inspired feedback, reverberations, and shoegazing sensibility. We cannot stop listening to their demos on... more ›

Friday, July 6artB Scene - Too Darn Hot! at Blanton Museum of Art, MLK at Congress ($5-$10) booksAlan Porter presents Before They Were Beatles, with Beatles cover band Daytripper at BookPeople (7:00pm) comedyJohn O’Connell with Jesse Pangelinian at Cap City Comedy Club comedyPunchline, open mic stand up comedy at ColdTowne Theater (10pm) comedyLovey and Lovey at ColdTowne Theater (8pm) comedyWeekly Improv Cage Match! at ColdTowne Theater (11:30) film"Bonnie & Clyde" and "White Heat" at The... more ›

Thursday, June 28 artOpening Reception for Whitney Lee: Power Craft at Women and Their Work, 1710 Lavaca Street (6-8pm) artOpen House Work Viewing at Atelier 3-D, 2209 Pasadena Drive (4-10pm) artArtistic License: Josefina Guilisasti at The Blanton Museum of Art, MLK at Congress Ave (Free, 6-8pm) booksAmanda Eyre Ward presents Forgive Me at BookPeople (7:00pm) comedyPat Dixon with Brendon Walsh at Cap City Comedy Club comedyParallelogramophonograph with special guests Look Cookie at ColdTowne Theater (8pm)... more ›

[This post comes from Anna Hanks, who'll soon be joining the Austinist staff!] Oh how we love our brooding bad-boys, full of emotional conflicts and divided loyalties. From James Dean to Marlon Brando, we just adore our theatrical time-bombs ticking down to an eventual emotional explosion. Black outfits only accentuate their outlaw charms. Biblical bad-boy Judas Iscariot — beautifully and brilliantly portrayed by John Pointer in Zachary Scott Theatre Center’s new bilingual production of Jesus... more ›

The Unbearables brought their rock-opera concept to Dougherty Arts Center last year in the form of Bitten! A Zombie Rock Odyssey. Although we were unable to catch that spectacle, the assorted jams on the band’s MySpace page have us day-dreaming about the possible storyline. The band brings its catchy pop and witty lyrics to the Mohawk tonight for what promises to be a grand ol’ time. Supporting the bill are local shoe-gazers Ringo Deathstarr and Yellow Fever. The former should appease fans of the Jesus and Mary Chain with their brilliant noise-rock while the latter specializes in simple yet alluring pop. Julian Decided kicks things off at 10 p.m. more ›

Thursday, June 21 comedy Christian Finnegan at Cap City Comedy Club music Emo’s 15th Anniversary Week with De La Soul, Word Association, Just Born, DJ Notion at Emo’s music Buddy Guy, The Greyhounds at Stubb’s music US Air Guitar Championships at The Parish Room music The Score at Beerland music Discovery School Fundraiser w/Gary Clark Jr., Johnny Moeller, Mike Barfield, Ephraim Owens & more at Continental Club music Doc Watson, Jack Lawrence, Richard Watson... more ›

FRIDAY [15] juneteenth/parade • Alvin Patterson Battle of the Bands and Drumline Competition at Congress Avenue (2pm) books • Lama Surya Das presents Buddha is as Buddha Does at BookPeople (7:00pm) comedy • Billy D Washington with Doug Mellard at Cap City Comedy Club comedy • Punchline, open mic stand up comedy at ColdTowne Theater (10pm) dance • Constellation, a site-specific dance work from Sally Jacques at Pickle & Thornberry Federal Courthouses (9pm) dance... more ›

THURSDAY [14] dance • Constellation, a site-specific dance work from Sally Jacques at Pickle & Thornberry Federal Courthouses (9pm) art • Guest Tour with Ellen Cunningham-Kruppa at Blanton Museum of Art, MLK at Congress (Thursdays are always free at the Blanton,12:30-1:30pm) art • Opening reception for "Just Been Fired," the mostly at Gallery Lombardi (7-10pm) art and books • Blanton Book Club at Blanton Museum of Art, MLK at Congress 6-7:30pm) books • Reginald... more ›

FRIDAY [8] music • DJ Krames (Cobra Kai), Prince Klassen at Beauty Bar (Free) books • Dominic Smith presents The Beautiful Miscellaneous at BookPeople (7:00pm) comedy • Punchline, open mic stand up comedy at ColdTowne Theater (10pm) film • "The Secret Mirror" at The Paramount film • Master Pancake Theatre: "The Breakfast Club" at Alamo Downtown film • "Severance" at Dobie Theatre food • Central Market Cooking Class: Manicotti Workshop with Foodie Barbara Sampson at... more ›