The day before the election, I had my uterus yanked. The only way these two things are related is that, when I got home on Election Day, despite the fact I was drugged out of my mind and could not stand up straight and was beyond exhausted, I waited up to hear the returns. When Jon Stewart called it at around 11, it was so early I thought he was kidding. I double checked with CNN, found out he wasn’t kidding, and dragged my sorry ass out onto the front lawn where I stood doubled over—for about five seconds—banging a large spoon on a big frying pan. I was that happy. Then I collapsed. more ›