The BP oil spill is big in the news now and nobody seems to be looking at the bright side— combined with global warming, the spill suggests the possibility that soon shrimpers will be able to harvest the little critters pre-fried and ready-to-eat. Dark side, bright side, whatever. Like everything else in the news that lasts more than five minutes, I say give the spill another week or so and most everyone will stop caring. Sort of like the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan— by applause, how many of you really think about these conflicts on a daily basis and know that the combined death toll of US troops is fast approaching 6,000? And how many of you know the documented number of Iraqi civilian deaths? (If you said “around 100,000,” give yourself a pat on the back.) Fortunately, when we get bored with all that oil gushing and all those bodies falling, there are more exciting current events to keep us on the edge of our seats. For example, this past week, Al “I Invented the Internet” Gore and his wife Tipper “I Helped Teenagers Pick X-Rated CDs With Ease Courtesy of My Censorship Efforts” Gore have announced they are splitting after 40 years of marriage. Friends insist there was no affair going on leaving me to theorize that she couldn’t stop leaving the lights on and he couldn’t stop cussing and so it’s over. more ›

• Flooding continues in the Midwest as levees break on the Mississippi River
• President Bush to make a renewed push to allow offshore drilling
• Obama has a narrow lead on McCain, according to a Reuters/Zogby poll