Results tagged “britneyspears”

How much did the Emmys hosting by reality TV hosts suck last night? A. lot. Yay! Sentences can again include the words 'Britney," "Come," and "Back" again without grossing us out! OMG, hot torrid man-passion between Zac Efron and James Franco??? A cursory glance at this headline and you'll be saying, "Maybe." Are you kidding us? Because, "What? Eww, no!" OMGLOLZ I CAN HAZ ROFLRAZZI? KTHX! OMG EFF U MILEY RAY CYRUS! We're all about HEROES! (Please be good, please be good, please don't suck...) Wicked catchy headline we want to repeat in a sort of sing-songy lilt, over and over: O'Reilly Blasts Hackers, Hackers Hack Him Back

Uncle Sam takes guardianship of Fannie and Freddie Cuba: We Don't Like Ike We can put a man on the moon, but what's the deal with these damn elections? Kim Jong Il: For real? Palin, Gibson. Gibson, Palin. OMG it's BRITNEY Y'ALL! Judge: Don't come in here like BRITNEY, Y'ALL!

Obama and Huckabee win Iowa; Ron Paul had a better showing than Giuliani. Nation's unemployment rate at two-year high of 5%. Millions of tiny crustaceans destroying uninhabited Japanese island by boring into it.

An asteroid could hit Mars next month prompting Mars' threat level to move to Orange. Riots erupt in New Orleans over the demolition of public housing buildings. Why can't New Orleans get a chance to relax? Hearings have been set regarding the destruction of the CIA torture tapes. Bush claims to be totally ignorant about everything, especially this and especially you!

We have a big crush on Tom Perrotta. We lurve the tales he crafts about ordinary people who end up in extraordinary predicaments because they just can't seem to bring themselves to say what they are thinking, even when knowing that it would save them a boat load of grief. We identify with being well-intentioned but sometimes ill-advised and from time to time believe that our own inner monologue is actually the narration for...

UN issues their Global Environmental Outlook report, GEO-4, while population blogs about Britney Spears' new tattoo. The U.S. dollar continues its downward spiral. Wildfires continue in California, but firefighters say they are gaining ground. Iran remains defiant in the face of new U.S. imposed sanctions to prevent their nuclear dream. Supreme Court of Georgia frees teen in controversial sex case. Texas gas prices are up for the second week in a row. Astronauts begin...

Huge Arctic icemelt convinces even some global warming skeptics. Texas oilman pleads guilty to paying Saddam Hussein money in order to gain access to his raw materials. Profits make you do strange things... They found a (very old) former Nazi dog trainer in Georgia. Saber-toothed tiger was more like a bear than a cat. Next time you dress your man down for leaving his clothes on the floor, remind him it's all for your...

Taylor Mills Lullagoodbye (Aquapulse) There’s a new safe word being grunted out of S&M dungeons everywhere, and it is Lullagoodbye. It means slow down, ease up and take fewer risks. Although the album mostly lies within the boundaries of uninspired adult contemporary, at times her voice is filled with smooth, sometimes-sultry melody and a graceful piano whispers like a bedtime story. Then, there’s the added bonus of looking at her staggeringly attractive mug on every...

Last week Austin police seized 850 balloons of heroin in South Austin. Yikes, that's a lot to swallow. Pat Buchanan thinks Gore can beat Hillary in the Democratic primaries. Pat Buchanan, that great liberal mind. Saddam Hussein has some head-crushing in mind. On that note, soon scientists will be able to tell how smart you are with their improved brain imaging techniques. So there, IQ tests! People are taking their revenge for Steve Irwin's...

Hooters has a conscience about selling a $200 bottle of champagne to a FEMA aid-recipient, so they're reimbursing the agency. We can't wait until those strip clubs pony up the money spent there by disaster victims. Those debit cards- a disaster indeed. A Brooklyn artist posted his backyard tree house for rent as a gag but the housing market there is so competitive, he actually had a few seriously interested parties. Check out the...

• There's a serious crisis in Canada. Edmonton bars and pubs are having a hard time keeping their beer on tap and in stock. We guess hockey fans know how to drink beer.
• Tune up your cars and rev your engines. State Officials are planning to raise some speed limits to 80 mph, the highest in the country. We'd like to take this opportunity to let you know that slow drivers suck, too.
• How do you spell Hallelujah? How about S E A S O N I Q U E. Having only 4 periods a year sounds like it could be ideal for everyone.
• David Lee Roth is determined to reunite Van Halen. An act of desperation, perhaps? Did anyone hear his radio show before it was cancelled? We didn't think so.
• Trash is power and we aren't talking about Britney Spears. Landfills are converting their trash gas to useful gas- we know some guys who could sell their...
• Keeping track of MySpace-news is exhausting us, or just getting really old. A couple teenagers hacked into MySpace and threatened to make their how-to public information unless given some money. Kids are just so smart these days.
• We don't want to alarm you (again) but we need to call a super hero, like Super Ozone Action Man to defeat Global Warming Man. According to researchers, the warming of the atmposphere is changing the pattens of the Jet Stream.
• Michael Kitchens of Williamson County won't be able to father either of his children because he'll be spending his life in prison after getting his own daughter pregnant.
• Don't dive in head-first this weekend to any local watering holes (unless it's the saloon kind). Water levels are lower than normal. Happy Memorial Day weekend!
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Sean Penn has a voodoo doll of Anne Coulter. Where did he get it? We want one, too. A man in New Delhi unintentionally divorced his wife in his sleep because he said the word "talaq" three times in his sleep. Hmm...We wonder what would happen?... beer- beer -beer. Damn. Bush meets with Mexican President Vicente Fox tomorrow and Friday in Cancun. Fox is pleased with the guest worker bill that was before the...

American Idol is gearing up for a new season by holding auditions for Paula Adbul's next boytoy. Oops, we meant for the nation's most talented artists! (We love you Paula, really we do! We never believed that Corey dude anyway, never trust a guy with hair this bad.) The show's fifth season (that many already?) will debut in January. If you think you have what it takes to get past Simon and his snarkiness,...