*The views expressed in Truesday are those of the author and do not represent Austinist as a whole. Thank heavens.* -The Editors As you read these lines, dearest reader of the internets, I am completely far away from all forms of civilization which typically provide access to web-related entertainment such as: donkey porn, fark, and the constantly intriguing-yet-face-f*cking issue of “who owns Anna Nicole Smith’s baby this week?” So I’m somewhere stupid remote, because... more ›

Austinist gets arty with an interactive guide to SXSW, loved some local art galleries and a new art exhibit and lamented the possible loss of "Friday Night Lights" production to New Mexico. Bostonist was happy they finally found an Anna Nicole Smith connection to their fair city and that an Apple Store was opening up. They were less happy that new rules have been established limiting underage shows and that their Governor is spending... more ›

Anna Nicole Smith (born Vickie Lynn Hogan), a gold-digger without equal and Marilyn Monroe impersonator on steroids, went to that big dollar-shaped swimming pool in the sky today after passing out in a hotel room. We here at the Austinist will always remember the garrulous blond bombshell for her tireless pursuit of all things hedonistic and selfish in the face of killjoys who would cluck their tongues at her simply showing a wrinkled multi-millionaire out... more ›

Last night, Bush, Karzai, and Musharraf had dinner at the White House. There is no punch line here. Yesterday, surgeons operated on some French guy's arm in almost zero gravity. This story contains the phrase "...slicing off the yellow growth that floated away from the patient, tied to a string." Sorry. Too much testosterone kills brain cells. Boy, it really works our last nerve when navel-gazing scientists spend money to prove things we already... more ›

Sunbathers now have a weapon against the sun. Ecamsule (sounds like scam in piglatin-almost right?) was previously only available in Canada and Europe. How is this stuff not sunscreen? Everyone's favorite fetishist is at it again! The toe-sucking bandit is being accused of gross sexual imposition. Yeah, gross. Ever wonder what happened to those hot babes from the eighties? Yeah, the ones that made your palms all hairy? The stripper who kept human skulls... more ›

Sometimes you need to clean yourself up, get serious, and move in with daddie for a few months before you head to Latin America for a new gig. The District bid's Jenna Bush adios. D.C.-based television shows have an elderly audience and DCist has some suggestions to fix that. They're also throwing Butterstick the panda bear a birthday bash. Yeah, we may have a few issues with our World Cup broadcasters here, but this guy... more ›

• We know all you 12-year-olds like to see the girl-on-girl action. And we're thinking that Batwoman will certainly help facilitate any one-handed reading, especially with her resurrection as a lesbian by DC Comics.
• Former Libertines singer Pete Doherty was searched on suspicion of drug posession at a Barcelona airport on Thursday, but the search turned up...nothing. Go figure.
• The Stanley Cup Finals are upon us, with Carolina and Edmonton duking it out for the win. Let's have a pint for the Oiler's fans- God knows they aren't getting any.
• Our favorite Guess Jeans model Playboy playmate gold digger Anna Nicole Smith is expecting.
  
  
• Katherine Smith always gets her way. The 18-year old is being accused of spiking a peer's drink with bleach because she wanted, not just any role, but the lead role in a school play.
• AMD is stepping up to the plate. The chip-maker is launching a new laptop chip that, among other things, will prolong battery life.
• Some Dutch pedophiles are launching their own political party. On their agenda: reduce the legal age to have sex from 16 to 12 or just get rid of it completely, permissable child pornography, pornography on daytime TV and, of course, beastiality. We'd call in sick to work to watch those "soaps". more ›

The whole world is at your fingertips. Check it out... Shanghaiist probably knows a little more about China than the Chicago Sun-Times. Giving them the benefit of the doubt on that one. The city does too have a music scene. Don't even front like they don't. They also have Dorito bananas and white guys shopping for wives. What they don't have is any more tolerance for jaywalkers. Bostonist sees Boston and Somerville each whip out... more ›

DCist helps us make more sense of the world this week. Posts like this concert review are the reason for Scott Stapp. DCist also enumerates the reasons for playing ultimate frisbee, Condi's tight buns, their love of a local convenience store, and their jealousy of a person in Seattle calling the city. LAist documented graf artist Banksy's most recent visit to LA in one two three posts. They also found the best possible use... more ›

Tomorrow, the Supreme Court will look into Anna Nicole Smith's estate soap opera. It's all about money (of course). Smith says that her rich Texas oilman late husband left a trust in her name and that his son (her step-son) destroyed the papers. The state court in Texas and the federal court in California came to different decisions regarding any money being left to Ms. Smith, so now the Supremes get to decide if... more ›