Mississippi river levees burst north of St. Louis. The NASA Phoenix Mars Lander may have discovered ice crumbs. Google launches new space race to the Moon. Bush totally thinks he has done a kickass job. McClellan doubts Bush knew about CIA leak. Condo company unwraps plan for clothing-optional pool. Bikini-clad Cambridge student arrested for attacking spectator at jelly-wrestling match.... [continue]

At least two are killed in Manhattan crane collapse. Chinese battle against time to drain quake lake. Vatican sends threat over women priests. Dollar gains on US growth data, easing oil prices. Special needs child voted out of kindergarten class. Isolated tribe spotted in Brazil. Merry Clinton knocks back whiskey on campaign plane.... [continue]

Austin downtown condo market healthy and rising? Bill Clinton pushes Hillary for Vice President. Crane collapses at Kansas City-area power plant. Russia and China condemn U.S. missile shield plan. Bollywood SAS sex scandal: Actress Tania Zaetta threatens to sue Australian government. Teacher jailed for sex with student. Texas police chief accused of sex with underage girl.... [continue]

Strong aftershock causes more damage in China. Obama to speak out on Bush 'appeasement' charge. Austin Energy making progress, restoring electricity after recent storms. Woman indicted in MySpace suicide case. Detroit leaders move to oust mayor in wake of sex scandal. Hooker booker pleads guilty to money laundering and promoting prostitution in the federal probe that brought down former Gov. Eliot Spitzer. FIA president Max Mosley involved in a "sado-masochistic Nazi-style sex orgy" with... [continue]

Employers cut fewer jobs in April. Hooray for April! Stocks jump after employment report. Barbara Walters had an affair with U.S. senator and I just threw up a little in my mouth. Bush wants $70 billion for war fund for 2009. Look at the size of this bridge! Texas gas prices continue upward trajectory. Madonna has some issues.... [continue]

NYC Cops acquitted in shooting death of bridegroom Sean Bell. Internet sales tax coming to New York. Texas rejects creationist science degree. China offers to meet with Dalai Lama envoys. Tax rebates to start arriving Monday. Al-Sadr may restart full-scale fight against US in Iraq. YEAH, TAKE IT, YOU TAKE IT!... [continue]

Marine suspected of killing a pregnant woman caught in Mexico. American Airlines cancels more flights. Is that really a naked woman in Dick Cheney's sunglasses? China rages over attack on disabled torch bearer. Facebook sex addict slept with 50 men. Coachella to pay Prince $4 million for performance? Bush still hates Iran.... [continue]

The economy "shed" 80,000 jobs in March. Hillary denies denial after "mishearing." 81% of Americans polled think the nation is heading in the wrong direction. How many Romans thought Rome was heading in the wrong direction? The Round Rock officers who shot and killed a naked man have been identified. What the hell is a WAG and why do they all seem cracked out? Formula One motor racing chief Max Mosley has sick Nazi... [continue]

Bill Richardson, the governor of New Mexico (and former presidential candidate), endorses Obama. A few people from the State Department peered into Obama's passport file. Soon there will be a horror movie about sting rays. Consumers are not getting the benefit of the recent Federal Reserve rate cuts. Bank of America customers look out! Judge Orders Starbucks to Pay More Than $100 Million in Back Tips. Man admits to having group sex with former... [continue]

"Chemical Ali'' to be executed in 30 days. Prince Harry has apparently been fighting in Afghanistan. Good on ya, Harry. Good on ya indeed. Vote for Putin's successor, Dmitry Medvedev, or disappear. Obama currently has a small lead in Texas and is pulling even in Ohio. McCain admits he is a liberal. Austin set to increase use of wind power. We totally rule. Courtney Cox and Demi Moore are the same person.... [continue]

No survivors in Venezuela plane crash. Protesters set fire to U.S. embassy in Belgrade. "Whatever happens, we're going to be fine." Republican Rep. Rick Renzi has been indicted for extortion, wire fraud and money laundering. McCain manages to dodge "improper relationship" political bullet. ... [continue]

Six missing after refinery explosion in Georgia. Economic stimulus package ready for president's signature. Checks should start arriving in May. Border-control activists not fans of McCain's rise. Does this guy creep anyone else out?... [continue]

Hillary and Obama play nice. Microsoft offers to buy Yahoo. Drug resistant flu virus on the rise. U.S. Economy loses 17,000 jobs in January.... [continue]

Directors Guild and studio reach deal. We're one step closer to less reality television! Suddenly everyone remembers it's about the economy. Everyone can relax, Paul McCartney is fine. Bush to reveal economic stimulus package today. CIA boss names Bhutto's killer. World Bank closes Washington office after bomb threat. Watch out for patches of ice on our bridges and overpasses!... [continue]

It seems most of the Republican candidates are bent on showing Iran the gates of Hell. The Onion editor is moving to Moveon.org. What the deuce? Kerry endorses Obama and no one cares, except Edwards. 6th Street between Brazos and Congress still closed due to oil spill. A what? Bush is desperately trying to make some kind of positive impression before being dismissed as the worst president in our history. Too little, too late... [continue]

Elections to continue in Pakistan despite the assassination of opposition leader Benazir Bhutto and Nawaz Sharif's vow to boycott them. Republican Mike Huckabee is clueless about Pakistan. Your tax refund could be delayed due to Congress' late fix to the alternative minimum tax. UT won the Holiday Bowl and the sports world yawned. San Francisco zoo director Manuel Mollinedo claims that the tiger's enclosure fell short of the industry's safety standards. Is anyone else... [continue]

An asteroid could hit Mars next month prompting Mars' threat level to move to Orange. Riots erupt in New Orleans over the demolition of public housing buildings. Why can't New Orleans get a chance to relax? Hearings have been set regarding the destruction of the CIA torture tapes. Bush claims to be totally ignorant about everything, especially this and especially you!... [continue]

Democrats debate in Iowa, everybody yawns. Al Gore blames you. "If you wanna get down, down on the ground..." It is so freaking cold in the midwest! Call your grandma and check on her. New Jersey is set to abolish the death penalty. Paris Hilton likes to show skin. Wastewater spills into Bull Creek tributary.... [continue]

According to Microsoft, Santa likes to talk about oral sex. The space shuttle heads to the International Space Station this Saturday. The CIA destroyed vidoetaped evidence of their interrogations of two top terror suspects in 2002. Rest assured, this is probably an isolated incident. A positive sign for our economy. GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney is a mormon and nobody cares. The U.S. House sends kickass energy bill to Senate. City ordered to put...... [continue]

Protesters demand execution of the teddy bear teacher. Putin is in line to become the next king of Russia. Rep. John Murtha thinks the "surge" is working in Iraq. Bin Laden thinks Europe should stop supporting the U.S. in Afghanistan. The Federal Reserve may cut interest rates in December. Suspect wanted in attempted sexual assault in Southeast Austin. Giuliani calls mayoral expense story a dirty trick....... [continue]