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February 29, 2008
I understand the motive. We have perverts and pedophiles walking the halls of our schools. Perverts and pedophiles entrusted with the care-taking of our young, impressionable chil’ins. I have to wonder though. Hasn't this always been the case or have we just degenerated into some sort of depraved fetishists that the world has never been exposed to before?...
Continue Reading "Cockfight Ethics: Print First, Pee Later"
| "Tales Of Mere Existence" By Levni R. Yilmaz Esq Buy a Comic/DVD set from Lev! http://www.ingredientx.com/buy/main.htm For more comics, animations and correspondence, kindly visit http://www.ingredientx.com If you gravitate towards isolated, obsessive nerd habits like I do, also consider a visit to: http://www.myspace.com/tales_of_mere_existence...
Continue Reading "Tales Of Mere Existence "THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF BOYFRIENDS I HAVE BEEN""February 28, 2008
A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about the uplifting and relaxing experience of taking my son to court for truancy. Brief recap: In Texas, if, say, your seventeen year old child, who lives independently, takes care of himself, buys his own food and gas and concert tickets, owns his own car, and demonstrates daily acts of thoughtfulness, compassion and general total-duded-ness, decides that having to attend chemistry first period is not part of his Desired Life Experience, and if, say, he does this forty-seven times in a row, there’s a very good chance that you, the parent, will find yourself in a court case titled State of Texas vs. Henry’s Mom....
Continue Reading "I Am So Popular: I'll Tell You Who's Out of Order"February 27, 2008
I spend very little of my time or money in corporate America, preferring to shop mostly at independent merchants. I also try to only buy things made in countries where it wouldn’t be horrible to be a worker, like, say, France or Sweden. This means not only going to independent merchants like Toy Joy, or Karavel Shoes but looking at where the things they sell are made. It’s actually kinda exhausting. It’s the kind of retail therapy that might send you into therapy....
Continue Reading "Wear For Art Thou, Outfit?"February 26, 2008
Yeah, while you and your other bubble people are mercilessly burning the ghosts of dinosaurs long since passed, I’m out here inhaling your shit results. And man, I gotta say, it makes me feel like a better person than you. Like, Jesus better. While your mouth is all agape with impressedness, go ahead and roll down your window, Rapunzel. Let down your ratty mane of ignorance. Take a long gander at moral superiority. Check my dope shades. Smell the sweat. Yeah. Suck it in. ...
Continue Reading "Truesday: Taking The High Road"Advertisement: Austinist Continues Below!
February 25, 2008
The Texas Longhorns put their seven-game winning streak on the line tonight at Kansas State in a matchup of two of the Big 12's top men's basketball teams....
Continue Reading "Longhorns Put Winning Streak On the Line in Big Monday Showdown"
I wonder: why wouldn’t the APD drug cop and the data miner want the world to know what they’re up to? They’re heroes, after all! Cleansing our streets of the dreaded indoor weed farmer. They should be proud. They're like The Punisher and Microchip....
Continue Reading "The Accidental Gentrifist: Winning the Lungs & Synapses"February 22, 2008
We would like to take a moment to thank this week's advertisers on Austinist. The 2009 Toyota Corolla, which encourages you to "Live the Dream for Less Coin." Joe Jackson's Rain, available now on Amazon.com. Elsewares, where you can get a 10% off your order with the discount code "ist". Busted Tees, which introduces three new designs a week. If you're interested in advertising on Austinist or any other site in our network, check out...
Continue Reading "Thanks to This Week's Advertisers"
...Obama delineates his popularity, and receives the longest applause yet. Hillary shifts, the glow in her eyes flickers. Something has changed, and she can taste it. Maybe the phrase that crosses her mind is 'tipping point'....
Continue Reading "The Democratic Debate: The Fever Breaks, a Dead Heat Cools"February 21, 2008
Hopefully you didn't skip your daily jog on the trail today so you could rush home and make dip for your debate viewing party. If you did, you missed the opportunity to share your famous french onion recipe with (temporary Austinite) Senator Obama while he got in a gingerly stroll. Photos courtesy of Romain Nayalkar. If you can't view the Flash slideshow above, an alternate version appears after the jump....
Continue Reading "Snaphots: Senator Obama at Lady Bird Lake"
The other night, Warren—my hot, cocky, young boyfriend—came over after work to pick me up. As soon as he arrived, I popped a Vicodin. I love Vicodin. I love it for many reasons. First of all, I am in my ninth year of not drinking, if you don’t count the three times I accidentally ingested booze hidden in food (hint to teetotalers: watch out for that sake laced mussel broth at Uchi, people) and the sip of Kahlua I had mixed in a coffee one night at Jeffrey’s. (Aside: For the record, Spike is not one to frequent places like Uchi and Jeffrey’s. Really. Those were special occasions.) I also haven’t had any pot, if you don’t count two hits in Mexico, December ’06 (and no, I did not inhale), since the late nineties, when I needed hourly bong hits in order to maintain my “relationship” with the bikini-underpants-clad cheater I mentioned last week. So, like, nearly a decade ago....
Continue Reading "I Am So Popular: I Heart Vicodin"
(CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE) "Tales Of Mere Existence" By Levni R. Yilmaz Esq Buy a Comic/DVD set from Lev! http://www.ingredientx.com/buy/main.htm For more comics, animations and correspondence, kindly visit http://www.ingredientx.com If you gravitate towards isolated, obsessive nerd habits like I do, also consider a visit to: http://www.myspace.com/tales_of_mere_existence...
Continue Reading "Tales Of Mere Existence "AND NOW THE GIRLS IN THE HIGH SCHOOL COURTYARD..." "February 20, 2008
A season ticket for the Longhorns' seven home football games this year will cost you $385, according to the Statesman's Bevo Beat blog....
Continue Reading "Texas Sets Football Season-Ticket Prices; Spring Practice Begins Friday"February 18, 2008
As Austin grows, our unofficial motto should probably be modified from ‘Keep Austin Weird’ to simply, ‘Keep Austin.’ Maybe it's a small defeat. Or maybe it's simply falling back to more secure positions....
Continue Reading "The Accidental Gentrifist: Shiva Went That Way"February 15, 2008
We would like to take a moment to thank this week's advertisers on Austinist. The 2009 Toyota Corolla, which encourages you to "Live the Dream for Less Coin." Joe Jackson's Rain, available now on Amazon.com. UT's Harry Ransom Center, finding out if you're a Beatnik. Elsewares, where you can get a 10% off your order with the discount code "ist". Busted Tees, which introduces three new designs a week. If you're interested in advertising on...
Continue Reading "Thanks to This Week's Advertisers"Advertisement: Austinist Continues Below!
February 14, 2008
Getting married ruined Free Sex in Public for me. Let me explain. Back in the late ‘90’s, I was dating an asshole we’ll call George, since that was his name. George would do things like ask me to come over and help him pack for a trip and he’d leave condoms out on top of his suitcase for me to find. Now why, you might ask—and I most certainly asked —would he need condoms for a trip on which I was not joining him? Well George was one of those guys who liked to give the speech that goes like this, “Babe, we’re above that monogamy crap. We’re beyond it. We’ve evolved.” What he meant by that was that every time he went to Chicago, he would be banging his so-called ex but that if I so much as attempted to have a platonic lunch with a male friend he would threaten to break up with me and/or kill himself. Very evolved, George! Later, after we finally finally FINALLY—oh Thank you Baby Jesus!—really did breakup, two major things happened....
Continue Reading "I Am So Popular: How Marriage Ruined Sex in Public For Me"
(CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE) "Tales Of Mere Existence" By Levni R. Yilmaz Esq Buy a Comic/DVD set from Lev! http://www.ingredientx.com/buy/main.htm For more comics, animations and correspondence, kindly visit http://www.ingredientx.com If you gravitate towards isolated, obsessive nerd habits like I do, also consider a visit to: http://www.myspace.com/tales_of_mere_existence...
Continue Reading "Tales Of Mere Existence "THE GUYS IN THE HIGH SCHOOL COURTYARD" "February 13, 2008
Way, way back in the day, I had a perfectly good Valentine. What had initially attracted me to him was his enormous, regal afro. Seriously, wow. I am not kidding when I tell you that my Valentine had the perfect afro, and I would stare at it in wonder for hours on end. Generally, I felt like a lucky man. But things went awry when, on Valentine’s Day of 1996 he showed up at my house with a bright blue stolen candle that was covered in hand-painted stars and shaped either like a mushroom or a very unfortunate penis. His other hand cradled a bottle of Night Train. ...
Continue Reading "Valentine's Day is a Drag"February 12, 2008
As we move to the next square on the calendar you're still out there trying to make a connection. Sadly you let most of them slip by without saying a word. We understand, no one wants to be overzealous and get shot down. If only you had some place to find a second chance. Oh yes, Missed Connections. If only you had someone to sort through and find the best of the above. Oh, right, read below....
... Continue Reading "Craigslist: Missed Connections"February 11, 2008
The home stretch of the basketball season begins in a big way tonight for the Texas Longhorns, who host the fourth-ranked Kansas Jayhawks in a nationally televised game (ESPN, 8 pm)....
Continue Reading "Texas Hosts Kansas in Big Monday Matchup"
It shouldn’t take more than 350 words to explain why I intended to vote Ron Paul for President, and roughly two words to explain why there’s now no chance in hell....
Continue Reading "The Accidental Gentrifist: It Was a Close One, Kids. But it’s still ‘Better Dead than Red’"
Photo by Osei (Ozzy) on flickrLast summer, a Glamour magazine staffer in New York City sparked controversy during a lunchtime talk on appropriate business attire when she told listeners that Afros were a "Glamour don't." When the story started showing up online, Glamour, which is known for supporting diversity, scrambled to respond to the many women who wrote to express their anger and dismay. Ultimately, the staffer left Glamour. Then last November, the magazine put...
Continue Reading "Local Academic Gets Glamour-ized"February 8, 2008
We would like to take a moment to thank this week's advertisers on Austinist. The 2009 Toyota Corolla, which encourages you to "Live the Dream for Less Coin." Joe Jackson's Rain, available now on Amazon.com. UT's Harry Ransom Center, finding out if you're a Beatnik. Elsewares, where you can get a 10% off your order with the discount code "ist". Busted Tees, selling a special shirt to honor the New England Patriots. If you're interested...
Continue Reading "Thanks to This Week's Advertisers"
Howdy istites. My name's Mike Dahmus, otherwise known all around various ratholes of the internet as M1EK, and I've been invited to write an honest-to-goodness post instead of a wimpy little comment. Normally, I crackplog ("crackplot blog") at my own place, M1EK's Bake-Sale of Bile, which is "Mostly Austin. Mostly Transportation. Mostly Bile.". I served on the city's Urban Transportation Commission from 2000 to 2005, before Daryl Slusher gave me the boot for being insufficiently slavish to Mike Krusee's plan to screw Austin's rail fans forever. I've been writing that crackplog since about 2003, starting in the run-up to the commuter rail disaster. ...
Continue Reading "Box and Horn: Mike Dahmus"Advertisement: Austinist Continues Below!
February 7, 2008
"Tales Of Mere Existence" By Levni R. Yilmaz Esq Buy a Comic/DVD set from Lev! http://www.ingredientx.com/buy/main.htm For more comics, animations and correspondence, kindly visit http://www.ingredientx.com If you gravitate towards isolated, obsessive nerd habits like I do, also consider a visit to: http://www.myspace.com/tales_of_mere_existence...
Continue Reading "Tales Of Mere Existence "RESCUEMAN" "
Apparently, though, when other people hear the word wrestling, they think of something entirely different. They think of big scary men and faked-breasted women, the entire lot of them sporting spray-on tans, dangerous smirks, and very stretchy articles of “clothing” as they hurl each other around inside of a ring while thousands of mesmerized spectators, many of them apparently just having raced on over from Walmart and/or on furlough from Fashion Prison, scream their approval....
Continue Reading "I Am So Popular: Taking It to the Mat"February 6, 2008
Nothing quells the squabbling mass’s ire like a fat check. You want those three dudes who pissed in your gym locker to change their tune? Buy them off. You know what will impress the volleyball team? Bomb-ass circuses. What do all bouncers and voters in Florida understand when it comes to deciding whether they like someone or not? Bread. Dinero. Duckets. Dosh. Some-other-D-word-for-money. That’s a uni-goddamn-versal hand-shake that says “if you didn’t believe in my powers of affable superiority before, perhaps the fact that I can magically produce some money for your wallet will change your mind.” ...
Continue Reading "Truesday: Sometimes Being a Clown Is Apology Enough"
While the nation recovers from Super Tuesday, the University of Texas is gearing up for Super Wednesday, better known as National Signing Day....
Continue Reading "Longhorns Hope National Signing Day is Super Wednesday"
I've decided to out myself about something that will shock even my closest friends. Hell, it might even get me fired. Oh well. Here goes. All day, Monday through Friday, I listen to conservative talk radio on 590-KLBJ. Being a lifelong, card-carrying Democrat, some folks might guess my husband turned me on to it—but this is all me. It began about a year ago in a desperate move fueled by pregnancy hormones. A bona-fide Morning Edition junkie, I needed a break from the incessant negative news, so I decided to find out what the enemy was up to. Somehow...I got hooked. Here's a brief run-down of what life is like on the other side....
Continue Reading "It Ain't No Air America..."February 4, 2008
As we move to the next square on the calendar you're still out there trying to make a connection. Sadly you let most of them slip by without saying a word. We understand, no one wants to be overzealous and get shot down. If only you had some place to find a second chance. Oh yes, Missed Connections. If only you had someone to sort through and find the best of the above. Oh, right, read below....
... Continue Reading "Craigslist: Missed Connections"
Like the disaffected grunge movement. Nobody could really find a way to bank off it, at least not until Ethan Hawke and Eddy Vedder came along. Then the music and film execs got a hard-on so big, it bumped into Kurt Cobain’s elbow while he was cleaning his shotgun....
Continue Reading "The Accidental Gentrifist - The Remora Culture: Sub-Urban Planning for the Homeless Organic"February 1, 2008
Welcome to 'Keeping it Weird in Central Texas', a weekly look at urban legends, bizarre creature sightings, eerie encounters and other unexplained phenomena which have peppered the annals of Austin and Central Texas folklore....
Continue Reading "Keeping it Weird in Texas"
Truesday: Just Beyond Our Line of Sight
For a year now it’s been a strange coexistence with these beasts of inconvenience. It’s not like I’d crack open a box of cereal and they’d pour out in a waterfall of crippling disappointment. Or that they’d even be found in the kitchen at all. Normally I’d find one pathetically backstroking on the floor tile in my hallway, and then dispose of it neatly. But every once in a while there’d be an adventurous fucker that would show up on the ceiling above our bed, as we were going to sleep, threatening to drop down like some crazed black-ops periplaneta. All hell would break loose for an hour or so until I could get the thing quarantined and dismissed. Neither of us would sleep for an hour after that. ...
Continue Reading "Truesday: Just Beyond Our Line of Sight"