*The views expressed in Truesday are those of the author and do not represent Austinist as a whole. Thank...

I bet you DO. So it’s the holidays, and people are cheering with cheer and whatnot. Lots of eggnog getting sloshed on your under-aged cousin’s workboots and such. Your aunt booted her meds and has already stripped down and dry-humped your artificial tree. Twice. Dad was putting lights on the house and somehow managed to take out your Mom’s azaleas and his left knee. So you painted his cast to look like the trampled azaleas and that caused your Mom to rage like a stuck bull and she drop-kicked a honey-roasted ham through the back door window. Your sister got caught masturbating with two of your younger out-of-town cousins, and she had white-boarded diagrams and a Powerpoint presentation on technique like it was a well-practiced roadshow routine in a Santa hat. ...

The run-up to the 2058 mayoral election will see Austin’s first competition between two ‘green’ candidates. No, I mean literally. Competition for the mantle of ‘most green’ will compel contenders to start taking a chlorophyll-based diet supplement that gives their skin a greenish pigmentation. On the downside, both candidates will be notoriously unproductive after sunset....

Editor's note: My Ex-Boyfriend's Band is a reoccurring column that features the opinions and insight of the author, not necessarily reflective of the Ist network as a whole. Thank you for reading! For the times they are a-changin'. And the music festivals are a-changin' with them. Even Dylan, who declined to take the stage at Woodstock in 1969, evolved into the 2007 Austin City Limits headliner. With SXSW, Fun Fun Fun and the C3......

*The views expressed in Truesday are those of the author and do not represent Austinist as a whole. Thank heavens.* -The Editors I don’t want to say that there’s a right way and a wrong way to celebrate The Holidays. That would be foolhardy and dickish. Especially in a city as diversified as this one (we celebrate Christmas AND Thanksgiving!). But something this chick was crying about on NPR this morning got me thinking......

The allegorical narrative of Moses bringing down the Ten Commandments represents a massive backwards step for humankind, culturally and intellectually...Modern monotheism’s overlooked Pandora’s Box....