Preview: Rapture the Flag at Coldtowne Theater [Comedy]

Election season's over, holiday vacations are fast approaching and our post-FFFFest burnout gives us a chance to catch up on the latest episode of The Walking Dead -- life's pretty great, huh? Making sure we don't get too comfortable in our mid-Fall laziness, our friends the Coldtowne Theater Main Stage players present Rapture the Flag, a satirical account of those Left Behind (...like, by the rapture. Get it?) The full-length comedy revue, directed by theater co-founder Michael Jastroch, combines sketch, improv, song and dance, and gives us a primer on what to do -- and who to avoid -- in this futuristic landscape. We sat down with My Backyard News, Rapture the Flag's official news team, to learn more about the situation.

There's been a -- what? Rapture?
Erika Crawford: At approximately 3:52pm October on 1st, the rapture occurred, sending 75% of the world's people...somewhere. The moon? The underworld? Mount Olympus? Those left behind aren't sure where their loved ones have gone, but we hope it was on vacation with Oprah. The rapture, originally predicted by the band Blondie, has turned the world upside down: On Wall Street, stocks have remained exactly the same, with no one to buy, sell, or trade; the national crime rate has plummeted to zero, and my neighbors, who usually sit on their porch drinking beer all night and singing along to Creed, were pleasingly silent last night.
Cooter Wang: Mother says things are a disaster but frankly, things are pretty mellow. I miss warm weather.

Who's been spared?
EC: Every electronics store owner with a terrible local commercial. They will try to convince you that in the post-rapture world, VCRs are retro. Justin Bieber. Puppies. My layabout son, Kevin. He's changed his name to Cooter Wang and has started doing the weather reports. He has a lot of unrealized potential, I swear.
CW: That's right. I'm a weatherman, and my name is Cooter Wang. Get it? My girlfriend got raptured though, which is a shame. I'll always cherish her final text to me: "When are you getting a job, loser?" I wish she could have been around to see me become the weatherman. She lives in Canada, so she loves the weather. I know it sounds bad, but you have to imagine her saying it. She has a lisp, by the way. My next job will be dedicated to her memory... until I sleep through a shift and lose it.

Well, it looks like we're still here -- good news! What now?
EC: Host a George Romero Zombie Marathon with your new retro VCR, and comfort yourself in the knowledge that, although your entire family may have disappeared without a trace, at least they aren't trying to eat your flesh. Get yourself a luxury car. Walk down to your nearest freeway, where ten thousand vacant cars are still sitting, and pick one (or three) out--the keys are still in the ignition, although it's out of gas and will be tough to maneuver around all those other cars. Stop volunteering for Habitat for Humanity and point any non-raptured homeless folks toward the array of newly available houses in your area. While you're at it, upgrade to a nicer place. Weren't you dreaming of a loft with downtown views just last week? Seize the moment! Take some cornbread to that lady/fellow you've had a crush on. Her/his husband/wife was just raptured yesterday and you'll the shoulder to cry on as the loneliness kicks in. This is your chance. Hire my son, Kevin. He still needs a job.
CW: But mommy, I have a job. I'm a weatherman. And my name is Cooter Wang.
EC: Kevin, stop calling yourself that. It's gross.

What are some of My Backyard News' top tips for getting through this whole rapture situation?
EC: Stock up on sunscreen--three quarters of the earth's people have disappeared, that doesn't make the sun's cancer-producing UVAs and UVBs any less powerful. Find a community garden and raid it by cover it of night. Fewer people around to eat the food means fewer people to grow it and your lazy qualities weren't not raptured. Wear more pleated pants. Because now you can.
CW: Invest in hats. Snow wasn't raptured, so invest in warm hats. I like the kind that cover your ears and head, but have a very solid structural integrity. I know they make you look like a communist, but communism was raptured too. Communism! Can you even believe it?

Rapture the Flag runs every Friday in November at 8:30 PM

Contact the author of this article or email tips@austinist.com with further questions, comments or tips.