Austin.Craigslist: The 'Benefits' of This Job Are Intrinsic

Wyatt Earp, found on the internet

Wanted: Mustache maintenance personnel (Austin)
Date: 2009-10-11, 9:19AM CDT
Reply to: gigs-c8psq-1416302290@craigslist.org

I am looking for someone that is willing to spend about 3 hours per week maintaining my mustache. I am a very busy person and I do not have time to groom my silky mustache locks.

My mustache ranks with such mustache greats such as Wyatt Erp, Tom Selleck, and Burt Reynolds. I have build [sic] my exceptional persona off my superior facial hair, however, due to the constraints on my time I will have to shave it off or worse, grow a beard.

Skills:
1. you must have some experience cutting things such as paper, oranges or, preferably, your own hair.
2. You must be tall enough to reach my mustache mane. I am about 6 foot 7 inches.
3. You must not have a mustache. There can be only one and I know the competitive nature of the mustache type. I am not willing to risk a mustache saboteur, or the more common mustashaboteur.

Tools: If accepted, you will need to bring a small comb, small shears (no clippers) and a box to stand on (because of my impressive stature) and a broom to clean up my clippings.

You may not keep the clippings, those are mine.

I am willing to pay $20 per hour for your services.

Serious inquiries only.