Press releases come in all shapes and sizes, from the barely literate to the downright funny. Those written by people who run comedy theaters most often contain apt turns of phrase that simply can't be improved upon. An example of the latter: "ColdTowne Theater and the Austin Improv Collective are proud to announce an escalation local comic-on-comic violence." Comic-on-comic violence! Grrr! How else to describe the Improv CageMatch?

ColdTowne has been running the CageMatch for quite some time. For the uninitiated, two improv troupes—some in-good-standing and others that're ad hoc groups created specifically for the competition—go head-to-head in a sudden-death tournament. Starting this week the CageMatch will be a weekly event, held every Saturday at 9pm. The Calzone War Zone Tournament kicks off this weekend, with Unfurled trying to take down Prom Committee. The winner competes in semi-finals on November 8th.

The CageMatch schedule for October is after the jump!

October 4th: Unfurled vs. Prom Committee / Winner competes in Semi-finals on 11/8

UNFURLED: The newest student troupe forged out of the piping hot Coldtowne Conservatory are a mix of the right brained—engineers, chemists, neurobiologists, and computer programmers—and the left brain—writers, artists, and crystal vendors. Together, they create a cerebral mix of entertainment that has been called "quirky", "exciting", and "endearing".

PROM COMMITTEE: Do you remember your prom? These guys remember theirs with so much fondness that they’ve built an entire format around the concept of planning and executing a prom. Wallow in the shattered expectations, teenage romance, and angst.

October 11th: Stillborn Creek vs. Four Square / Winner competes in Semi-finals on 11/8

STILLBORN CREEK: Austin’s most chemically imbalanced improvisors—Arthur Simone (ColdTowne), Kareem Badr (PGraph), Stephanie Russo (Murphy), James Roberts, Madeline Malka (Girls! Girls! Girls!)—present an evening of sadness, woe and despair.

FOUR SQUARE: This poorly named five person troupe will present a “modge podge of awesome” and are mismatched from the get go for maximum potential! All the fun and excitement of a game of Four Square or, as they call it in Philly, Box Ball.

October 18th: Orthodox Heretics vs. No Chaser / Winner competes in Semi-finals on 11/22

NO CHASER: Straight, "No Chaser" (n.) A way of requesting and/or serving a drink. Meaning just the spirit without water, cordial (non-alcoholic or alcoholic), or other mixer (similar to "Straight-up"). These boozers drink while they play—a recipe for success in any field.

ORTHODOX HERETICS: The Orthodox Heretics are prepared to do battle with dogma. Parents who support abstinence only education and end up with pregnant teens, protesters who sit in trees for months on end; Orthodox Jews who think it is "work" to turn the TV on/change channels on the Sabbath but turn it on in advance and leave it on all day, and Lyndon LaRouche supporters had better watch their backs.

October 25th: Dentata! vs. H.J. Compromise / Winner competes in Semi-finals on 11/22

H.J. COMPROMISE: More abortion, child molesting and rape jokes per ounce than competing products! Coldtowne Theater's newest troupe will rock your ass so much that you'll headbutt your dog so hard that you both scream.

DENTATA!: Centuries of sexism, oppression, and inequality have created a comedic beast. Dentata is sick of it and won’t take it any longer. As members of the oppressed middle class white women of the world, they are taking their anger to the streets and to the improv stage. The power of womyn will be heard!