News Bits: VP Jitters

- Now that the Russians took our Humvees, we're really pissed.
- Will it be Evan Bayh? Please no!
- Taliban fighters attacked a United States base last night.
- Shawn Johnson finally takes home the gold.
- College prez coalition, faced with imminent spectre of illicit orientation keggers, asks for lower drinking age.
- Amazingly, 50 Cent still makes more money than God.
- Ellen DeGeneres gets Lindsay Bluth in her kitchen. For life!
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