Weird Wednesdays Presents The Apple

So, it is the middle of the week and you are just now leaving your bland, cubed-in day job, and you're thinking, "Man, I wish I had something rockin' to do tonight, you know, like a disco/spandex/musical/biblical allegory party to go to....." Well, dear reader, you may not believe it, but you are in luck, because tonight at 11:59pm, The Apple is going to change the course of human life. Sure, we have a tendency towards hyperbole, but this time we are serious. Made by the same geniuses who brought us Over the Top—yeah, the Sly Stone trucker arm wrestling extravaganza—The Apple is the 80s musical version of Adam and Eve, only with more glitter. And hair products. And terrible singing.

You may have caught this little gem on Showtime in the early 90s, but just in case you missed it then, let us fill you in on the plot. Alphie and Bibi, two Canadian sing-songers, come to the big bad U.S. of A to make it in show biz via an American Idol-style competition, but are beat out by a groovier group managed by the music conglomerate known as BIM. BIM apparently also runs the rest of the friggin' world, so naturally BIM tries to seduce the innocent pair into doing their bidding. And as fate (and 2000 years of religious oppression) would have it, Bibi (the Eve in this story, natch) falls for their schemes and spirals into a slimy pool of debaucherousness. Can Alphie save her from this dark, dank underworld called "the music business?" You'll have to come tonight to find out! Did we mention that The Apple is set in "the future," also known as "1994." Wear your star burst leotards!