Guard Your Pancreas: The Alamo Unleashes a Ninja Annihilation War On Sunday!

Flea markets are full of treasures: crock pots, weed whackers, moonshine and, from time to time, obscure-80s-era-previously-unseen-by-the-world ninja movies with awesome names. The fact that Ninja Annihilation War was discovered by the industrious diggers over at the Alamo Drafthouse doesn't surprise us. In fact, we think that, much like a ninja, the movie laid in wait for its perfect victim, knowing that when the handsome programmers happened upon its steely case that the catastrophic awesomeness contained within would slay their minds. We can't help but be a little concerned for this Sunday's mayhem, as who knows what kind of swift ninja moves this film will bring down upon us. Seriously, people, watch your backs, because word on the streets is that the ninjas in the movie are actually going to be in the theater, jabbing and stabbing your bleedy regions. Sure, you may not see them, but come on, they're freakin' NINJAS.

Besides the fact that this uncontrollable force of a movie (so we reckon) has never been viewed by theater-going eyes, the screening is also being brought to you free of charge. That's right, the Alamo is using their own ninja moves to make it so that all costs to you are silenced at the door and left dead on the street. And once inside, this film, like a giant ninjapotomus, will crush and maim all your memories of past ninja episodes, leaving you with the acronym N.A.W. burned into your brain. Bring on the annihilation!