Last week we re-introduced you to one of our writers, Eric Seufert, who likes to get grammatically dubious and political under the heading These Are Politics. Starting next week, this will become a regular feature on Austinist, caressing your eyeballs every Monday from there on until the end of all politics. Opinions expressed are purely those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views and outlook of the Ist network in part or whole. Enjoy! -- Columnist Editor

New York Times rejects McCain’s Iraq War Essay

The New York Times on Monday rejected an essay by presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain. The essay focused on McCain’s strategy for the Iraq war and was written as a response to an Op-Ed piece by Barack Obama published by the paper last week. The New York Times, which endorsed McCain as the Republican candidate and has published seven Op-Ed pieces by the Senator, encouraged McCain to submit another draft.

The weekend held further literary disappointment for the McCain camp: In addition to his Iraq policy essay being rejected, the Senator’s offer to write a guest advice column for Seventeen was turned down, and an article the Senator wrote for Men’s Health on maintaining 6-pack abs was returned without being opened.

Ad Campaign Portrays Obama with Gray Hair

An online advertisement being circulated by the presidential campaign of Barack Obama depicts the Senator as having a nearly-full head of gray hair. The ad, the purpose of which is ostensibly to combat Obama’s image as young and thus inexperienced, links to a video of the Senator speaking in which his hair is entirely dark.

Polls measuring the impact of the ad show that public opinion for Obama remains unchanged. Public opinion of President Tom Beck, the character played by Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact, however, plummeted drastically.

Barack Obama for President / CNN.com

McCain and Obama to appear together at Megachurch

The Reverend Rick Warren of the Saddleback Church announced on Monday that Presidential candidates John McCain and Barack Obama will appear together at his Lake Forest, California Megachurch on August 16th.

Unaware of the news but sensing an opportunity for short-lived relevance, Sean Hannity was heard screaming the phrase “REVEREND WRIGHT” over and over again on his commute to work.*

Gore Surprises Audience at Netroots Conference

Former Vice President Al Gore made an unannounced appearance at the Netroots Nation conference in Austin on Saturday. Gore made his appearance during a presentation by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and discussed the topics of off-shore drilling, the current Presidential election, and the ongoing war in Iraq.

Many convention attendees appeared surprised to learn that Gore opposes climate change, assuming that the melting of the polar ice caps would simply give the Nobel Prize co-recipient more surface area on which to walk.

*After three repetitions, the Rev. Wright mysteriously appeared in Hannity’s passenger seat and began promoting a book. DEVELOPING…