Alamo Biker Movie Classics: They're No Angels

Have you noticed the abundance of scooters on the road these days? Especially with gas this high, driving around town can feel like you’re on the set of some wacked-out biker movie. Right? Right?

Son, you don’t know what a wacked-out biker movie is. Sounds like you need some B-movie lessons—and as usual, the Alamo is here to give them to you.

This Saturday and Sunday, in honor of the huge motorcycle rally just outside of town, the Alamo Ritz is dusting off a couple of drive-in classics about real bikers—complete with leather, bandannas, and names like Jaw-bone and Knifer.

Check out Angels From Hell on Saturday and Black Angels on Sunday for a taste of what bikers used to look like…at least in the biker exploitation flicks of the Sixties. These flicks are the perfect blend of camp and violence; incomprehensible plots, loud rock music, and unmotivated motorcycle stunts. While no one will call these films “masterworks,” they’re definitely fun to watch. Full of real bikers trying to act, macho banter, and amazing posters promising “God Forgives—the Black Angels Don’t!,” these films will make you wish you could cozy up under a blanket in the back seat of your dad’s Lincoln and imagine a post-apocalyptic world where chain fights settled all scores.

Angels From Hell follows a recently-returned Vietnam vet who takes over a gang called “The Madcaps” (not the Hell’s Angels themselves, despite the title), promptly leading them into all sorts of destructive mayhem, while Black Angels heaps on another layer of exploitation, pitting a bunch of black bikers against a rival white gang in a sort of Battle Royale.

These films may not have a lot of nutritious value, but they’re chock full of deliciously bad dialog and performances, promising to leave you buzzed from all the senseless violence and hot biker mamas, and giving you something to talk about with that scary guy with the black bandana and the fu manchu mustache you could run into at the bar this weekend.