Indiana Jones Poster

** Ed note: This review is the first post by brand spanking new Austinist contributor Darcie Duttweiler.

Have you ever spent Thanksgiving at your significant other's house, where you realize that while you like his or her mom, the pumpkin pie or stuffing isn't nearly as good as your mom's? Sure, you're satisfied. You're about to fall asleep from being so jam-packed with stuff, but you're missing a little bit of that childhood nostalgia of biting into Mom's fluffy pie.

That's how Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull feels. You have yearned for it for so long, you've built it up in your head, but it's just not quite the same..

Henry Jr. is back for more archeological, whip-wielding adventures, albeit a good (and we do mean good, Harrison Ford is looking damn fine) twenty years later. We first see Indy as he is taken prisoner by some dastardly Russkies, namely scary spy Irina (Cate Blanchett). They want him to find some box the U.S. government has hidden in their Nevada storage facility. You see, the year is 1957, and instead of the terrifying Germans wanting old, religious relics to facilitate world domination, the Russians are interested in some mind-control mumbo jumbo (they're Commies, get it?). With all Indiana Jones films, it's best to take the plot with a grain of salt and very little thinking.

Along the way, Indy teams up with motorcycle greaser Mutt (Shia LeBeouf who looks a little more costumey than a "serious" actor) to help rescue Mutt's mom and old Indy flame Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen) as well as Indy's mentor from the Soviet baddies while also searching for some humongous, odd-shaped crystal skull.

Perhaps a little more slapsticky and less adventurous (monkeys and CGI gophers, Spielberg, really?!), Crystal Skull is still a pleasure to watch. The pace is quick over its clunky plot, and the same action devices from the previous three films (like zany car chases and accidental clue-solving) are still captivating to an audience twenty years older. Perhaps, with George Lucas's laughable dialogue in the Star Wars prequels, audiences have a little less faith in his abilities as a screenwriter, but it's not that terrible.

Both Marion and Indy have their old spunk, banter, and devilish grins, and it's great to see Ford ooze charm again. LeBeouf holds his own with the screen legend and appears to be primed to take over in a possible fifth film. The final resolution is fairly lame with mythology pandering down to dreaded science, and Blanchett, whom is usually a treat to watch, is too one-note. Maybe the Russkies aren't as terrifying as an Aryan army--certainly not when we see them dancing and drinking all the time. It looks like another night at Beauty Bar, especially with their swanky bobs and shiny boots…

All in all, while slightly disappointing and a touch devoid of that same magic that dazzled us when we were crazy kids dying to become archaeologists, Crystal Skull is a fun ride. --Darcie Duttweiler [Trailer] [Showtimes]

Postal
After years of being called the world's worst director, Uwe Boll is kinda sour. In fact, he proudly admits that he wrote Postal (a no-holds-barred toilet humor schlockfest) largely as an angry middle finger to his detractors.

The plot is absolutely inconsequential. What's important is that Boll purposely tries to step on as many toes as possible; the flick is full of 9-11 jokes, poor people jokes, fat people jokes, Muslim bashing and unnecessary Dave Foley nudity. Oh yeah--and the guy from A Christmas Story is in it.

But despite the outrageously insensitive bits (which we normally have zero objection to), Postal is surprisingly toothless. Boll tries so hard to offend that near the film's halfway mark his sourpuss vitriol actually starts to feel kinda sad, and by the end Postal seems more like an extended, unfunny tantrum than a proud act of intelligent defiance.

While we're sure Postal will find popularity among a certain sub-demo of gross-out comedy lovers, we just couldn't find much genuine humor in it. Wuh wah. --Matt Smith [Trailer] [Showtimes]

A Four Letter Word
When gay nympho Luke falls in love with hunky hustler Stephen he's forced to choose between his promiscuous party lifestyle and his one shot at everlasting love in this romantic gay sex comedy from director/co-writer Casper Andreas.--Matt Smith [Trailer] [Showtimes]