Austinist: New Movie Releases: Teeth, How She Move and Rambo

Benj

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 11:37:32 -0600

Apparently for some people, high-context, vapid franchise films are what pass for long-term relationships. Rambo fans: Why don't you just watch soap operas? Oh, right. You're homophobes.

seth

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 09:24:51 -0600

Steph, Step-dancing as battles? Perhaps if we sent some of these guys over to Iraq we could have things wrapped up in time for the Super Bowl. Oh, wait. Men dancing with each other would be such an unconventional weapon the United Nations might sanction us. Not to mention the confusion it would cause regarding the don't-ask-don't-tell policy. Seth

truecraig

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 09:49:21 -0600

Before I was informed that the Coen brothers had another movie out, I thought No Country For Old Men WAS the title for the new Rambo film. Irony abounds.

johnrambo

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 23:58:33 -0600

Dear Austinist Writers, I'm going to have to back Seth up on his criticism of your review of the last(not the new) Rambo film. Before I begin, let me make a couple of things clear so you know where I'm coming from: 1. I, too, am a big Rambo fan. 2. I consider First Blood to be the best of the series with the new release coming in second. OK, that said, your main criticism of the movie seems to be that there is not enough story and the violence is excessive. Ok, although I think this movie can stand on its own, anyone going to see this is probably going to be familiar with the back story on John Rambo so there isn't a lot of need to even focus on that in this movie. So, Stallone chose to get right down to business in this movie. Great! Good call Sly! I'm backing him up on this one. As far as for your criticism of the movie being too violent. Nothing confuses me more than when people get upset at something for being exactly what it is. Rambo was violent? Hell yes it was! It's supposed to be. You even said in your review that it was "the ultimate over the top action series." So why are you slamming the movie for delivering on what's expected of it? What's next, a review of an AC DC concert where you complain the sound it too loud? The big head scratcher for me is that you claim to "L-O-V-E" the Rambo franchise, but then you slam the movie. Note to all rambo fans out there: you will not be disappointed by this final installment of the Rambo franchise. Is it perfect? No. Do I have criticisms? yes. But overall Rambo delivers. And yes, in a VERY violent way. Probably the most gory action film I've ever seen. This will probably take over that Guinness Book record for most casualties and violent acts category. So yeah, just to let you know, you're not a real Rambo fan. I AM. And so is Seth. Thanks for you time, kevin.

Benj

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 21:37:16 -0600

Seth: Uh, Yeah. 'Speilberg' [sic] did humanize the 'warden' of the death camp. His name was Amon Goethe, played by Ralph Fiennes. (Why is the top down? I'm fucking freezing.") He wasn't just fully-fleshed, he was almost charmingly flawed, borderline sympathetic and completely human. First Blood is the only watchable Rambo film. Period. Your fatherland kitsch can hit the bricks. Fans of the Rambo franchise aren't red-blooded. Although they might be suffering from hypoxia.

oh steph

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 19:23:34 -0600

Seth, In our future new release sections, which we do pretty much every week, we'll be sure to think of the veterans when deciding our sequencing. And, I can appreciate your Rambo fanaticism. My dad would have felt the same way, and that is saying something, 'cause my dad totally kicked ass. But I would love to watch you tell the people who Step that dancing is only for "chicks" and carries no hint of rebellion. These are dance battles, my friend! And I'm not even going to start on how off you are about Teeth, because, well, you would never believe that there are thematic parallels that can be drawn between it and the Rambo franchise. -Steph

seth

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 18:16:26 -0600

Math, The flashback is this movie's lynchpin that spoon-feeds the viewer Rambo's struggle. The only voice during the montage is the Colonel pleading with Rambo that 'the war is over. Come home Johnny.' You might recall that Rambo's response is, 'Nothing is over until I say it is.' Apparently, it took twenty-plus years, and all the blood and bullets of this fracas for him to make up his mind that it truly is over. I'm not saying this is the best action movie, but it is better than Rambo 2 & 3. John Rambo also doesn't deserve to have his opponents criticized for lacking human details. Few movies pass that test, and none of them are action films of the Rambo caliber. Steph, from the perspective of a red-blooded Rambo fan, "Teeth" and "How She Move" are chick flicks, plain and simple. It is a dishonor to our veterans who watched their friends die face-down in the mud of Vietnam to have readers scroll down to Math's panning of John Rambo. Teeth is a horror adaptation of a Massingill ad. Some woman doesn't feel fresh 'down there' and has all these hang-ups about exposing lovers to her foulness. The story exaggerates it for theatrical effect and replaces odor with teeth. And the teen dance movie, Please! Kevin Bacon and Chris Penn might have fooled some of us into thinking dancing could be rebellious in Footloose, but we've wised up since then. To put these reviews even on the same page as a Rambo review... you might as well go out to Bergstrom and shout "Baby Killer!" at our boys as they return from Iraq. Seth

math

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 12:28:47 -0600

Oh, Seth--brave defender of mediocre movies. Where to start? First: "[Matt] is an entertaining writer, but it's [his] myopic view of this movie that's keeping [his] words from the paper-printed pages people pay to read." Ouch! Wait... like the Chronicle? Or the Statesman? Or Ebert and Roeper? Oh wait... people don't pay to read those reviews either. In fact, if you're paying to read any movie reviews at all, you're a sillypants. It's all on the internet these days, my man. Second: The SS officer in Schindler's list was named Goth. And yes, he was played awesomely by Ralph Fiennes. It could also be argued that the real villain in Schindler's list was Hitler--a guy who hardly needs charaterizing at all. But that's completely irrelevant because Schindler's list was a biopic, not a balls-out action movie. Duh. Third: If this movie is about "John Rambo resolving his alienation from America, putting away war, and returning home," then only the credit sequence is worth keeping. And it's telling that you think one of the best scenes is a flashback to the earlier films. Fourth: I agree... the effects sucked.

oh steph

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 11:14:08 -0600

Man, I wish I had written that review of Rambo, 'cause I think Math is right on with this one. This installment of Rambo is about exploding, seemingly spring-loaded bodies and not much else. If this is supposed to be about John Rambo "putting away war", apparently the only way to do that is to kill everyone in sight. Don't get me wrong, I was entertained, but I was left hungry for something more, story-wise. It seems like the only thing that will draw people to this film is nostalgia. Oh, also, Teeth and How She Move are not chick flicks. 27 Dresses is a chick flick, but I can't comment on that movie because I will never see it, nor would I wish that kind of pain and suffering on anyone.

seth

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 01:58:22 -0600

Oh, crap. I meant Matt, not Steph. Sorry for the confusion. Seth

seth

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 01:43:46 -0600

With all due respect, I must inform readers that this critique was not written by a red-blooded Rambo fan. A true patriot wouldn't have bundled this review as a footnote beneath two chick-flick reviews, especially while America is at war. Sylvester Stallone has produced not a 'new' Rambo film, but the LAST Rambo film. Like Rocky Balboa, Stallone did right while closing out this franchise, and he doesn't deserve this dis. Steph is an entertaining writer, but it's her myopic view of this movie that's keeping her words from the paper-printed pages people pay to read. John Rambo isn't without shortcomings, but they're not what Steph is claiming. There is no need to display the human side of this bad-guy. Unlike Bryan Denehey's character (who is just a hick-town sheriff) in First Blood, Rambo is battling a genocidal army led by a child molester. Did Speilberg properly humanize the concentration camp warden in Schindler's list? Do you remember his name? It doesn't matter who he's fighting, where, or why. This movie is about John Rambo resolving his alienation from America, putting away war, and returning home. The foremost problem of the film, for me, were the CGI graphics used to reduce production costs. The faux big-boom betrays the tradition of Rambo running away from huge gasoline-fueled fireballs of his own making. Here's a little film making tip for directors who are considering using CGI blood and exit wounds to avoid the re-wardrobing expense of multiple takes: put the blood on first, cover it with CGI green camoflage, then after the gunshot, yank off the CGI cover-up to reveal the gruesome aftermath. The audience scrutinizes theatrical wounds for realism, they don't study pre-shot torsos for digital masking. Bottom-line, this is the best Rambo after First Blood. The flashback montage was worth the price of admission alone. Welcome home, John. We missed you. Seth