Austinist: Truesday: Fifth Of The Magi

truecraig

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:43:48 -0600

Let me sum up the points thus far, for anyone who happens upon this thread and wonders what the hell is wrong with everyone involved (myself definitely included): 1. Not everyone will appreciate everything. 2. Pillow talk knifes Watership Down. 3. Formica build for 10ng3r lasting lady time. 7.2 Buckaroo Bonzai Speed !Garage! IIa. BOOMPISS. That just about covers all aspects of the discussion thus far. And I believe I speak for everyone when I say: I apologize to my own mother for even getting involved.

Numero Uno Guest

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 13:07:57 -0600

"Anti-Che's icon of anti-iconism displays the depth of his understanding." Forgive me - I attended public schools - but I have no idea what that convoluted, backwarda** sentence is supposed to mean. I do understand that Che was a blood-thirsty, murderous communist thug. A thug who deserves to be condemned, not lionized. What have I missed? Care to enlighten me with some more psycho-babble?

KKKelso

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 17:18:39 -0600

TC, stop feeding the animals. Anti-Che's icon of anti-iconism displays the depth of his understanding. You can see it from here.

truecraig

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 23:13:11 -0600

Indeed, Uno, you are the cocoa to my marshmallows. Happy Kwanza!

Numero Uno Guest

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 17:35:59 -0600

Total smug tool? More like a pretentious gas bag, actually. Oh, yeah...Merry Christmas!

leggyblonde

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 17:20:35 -0600

Uno, I think you and I are going to become fast friends! Like cocoa and marshmallows! oooo can i watch?

truecraig

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 15:51:47 -0600

Uno, I think you and I are going to become fast friends! Like cocoa and marshmallows! If I were a Christian, I think I'd be the most angry about the treatment of Christmas! You know, since people worship shitloads of false idols during the holidays and they covet material possessions like evil little temple moneychangers! That kind of super-obvious anti-Christian shit! But I'm just a normal going-to-hell nobody who simply finds all that stuff curious enough to mention in prose, who enjoys being around other human beings who aren't pumping their agendas up my ass under the guise of 'following tradition' or something else equally reason-retarded! So I guess I'll just stick to what you think I know: Amusing you with my crybabying, and constipation! Merry CocaColaJesusJohnieWalkerHasbromas! Oh yeah...Exclamation points after every sentence make it appear like I'm not a total smug tool even though everything I'm typing says nothing but! Punctuation irony is so sweet!

Numero Uno Guest

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 13:42:03 -0600

Thanks, dude! Seeing as how I went to public (government) schools, it is a miracle I can read and write at all! As a Christian, I find all of this b*tching and moaning about (gasp!) Jesus, or religion in general, being associated with Christmas highly amusing. It sounds like you all need more bran in your diet. Oh, yeah...Merry Christmas!

Edie

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 12:43:17 -0600

Nice post! I seem to associate Santa Claus with the smell of booze. Maybe every department store Santa Claus is booze-filled, just as you were.

truecraig

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 11:43:55 -0600

Santa Rampage = Word. Drunk Santa Rampage = Worder. Kenneth, I agree. It's difficult for everyone to appreciate the season with all the bullshit that gets tacked on: obnoxious family, tidal waves of jesus (or other religious trimmings), lemming commercialism, and a sugar-coated soundtrack on daily repeat for a whole month. Not everyone wants to bother, and that seems reasonable to me. Congrats, Numero Uno! I can't believe you read the whole thing either! Numbers are next! State, your holiday plans sound splendid.

stateoftheheart

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 21:16:13 -0600

I agree with you Craig, I love the holla-dayz but not for the religious sentiment or for the hard-sell shopping, but simply because it's a great time of year. This Christmas I plan to go to New York just to get pissy drunk with my favorite Jew and eat Chinese food. I honestly can't envision a better way to spend Christmas.

Numero Uno Guest

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 18:08:46 -0600

Wow. I can't believe I read the whole thing. But like those south-bound drivers on IH-35 who slow down to stare at a fender bender on the north-bound side, I just couldn't help myself. Though the experience was a lot like trying to untangle a 1000-foot string of Christmas lights that had been balled up in the corner of the garage for about 10 years. Oh, yeah...Merry Christmas!

elrocks

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 16:25:25 -0600

...and speaking of drunk santas.... Santa Rampage '07 is Saturday! http://austincacophony.com/SantaRampage.html

lownotes

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 08:45:26 -0600

Drunk Santas are my favorite part of the holidays. They really sum up what the holidays are about in a poetic/performance art sort of way. God bless them!

Barney Noodles

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 22:57:51 -0600

that's not tommy.

Grape Ape

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 21:42:21 -0600

Tommy? You sat on Craig's lap at BB?

kenneth1

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 20:24:05 -0600

Sorry to be a curmudgeon, as it sounds like you really enjoy this time of year, but I hate it. *The forced sentiment (does everyone else really enjoy going home for the holidays, seeing a bunch of people you have nothing in common with and getting a bunch of crap you'll never use/wear?). *The repetitive piped-in carols (in HEB, of all places. Do they sell more canned chili if people are listening to Celine Dion sing "The Christmas Song"?) *The incessant bitching from persecuted Christians because those evil humanists won't let them put a Nativity scene on the Capitol law. *The entire city of Austin being closed on Christmas day, as if there is not a single person in town who would like to buy some groceries or eat a hamburger on Dec. 25. That's my 2 cents.

Benj

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 18:55:18 -0600

Might as well show a commercial where a lonely divorcee is cooking an Eggo waffle on a hot plate, as snow falls outside his window, carolers giving his derelict house a wide berth, then cut to his ex-wife across town, giving a blowjob to a guy festooning her with mall diamonds... Then I guess Craig could crash into the frame, drunk and in his Santa costume, falling face-first into a pile of smokehouse farms pork links. Just to drive the point home. Of the holidayness.

truecraig

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 16:57:56 -0600

Elizabeth, those commercials may very well be why my molars are ground down. I think the jewelry companies are actually speaking to women, even though they're referring to the men. I know it sounds super pessimistic, but I would guess it'd be easier to convince a woman that she deserves some jewelry for Christmas than it would be to convince a man that it's in his best interest to buy a woman some expensive jewelry of his own accord. Shook, I would ask which couple you were, but I understand if you'd rather keep that out of the comments section. It got a tad raunchy there near night's end... just like it should be.

shook

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 16:08:03 -0600

Erm, just to clarify. It was at Beauty Bar that we sat on your lap. Not at the clinic...

shook

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 16:06:28 -0600

Funny shit. My wife and I sat on your lap!

Elizabeth S.

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 15:47:40 -0600

Amen, Craig! Great post. My holiday pet peeve: the diamond commercials interspersed throughout my favorite shows. Do men really buy that "he bought it at Jared" crap?