You know how sometimes when you are out on the town for a nice dinner, you wish that you could order tiny versions of everything on the menu because all of the dishes sound so delicious? Well, that's how we feel about film sometimes - if only we could watch 20 minutes of splatteriffic gore, 20 minutes of absurdist comedy and round it out with a piquant documentary or two, we would have all of the cinematic satiety without the unpleasant bloated feeling. Well, not only is the Austin Film Festival featuring 96 films of the sub-30 minute Shorts variety, but they have arranged them into 13 separate programs so that you will have the chance to enjoy at least one of the tasty line-ups in the midst of the party-panel-feature- length-film-watching hustle and bustle.

In the spirit of cutting to the chase, we have compiled the entire list of short programs for you and after the jump you will get the first half of that list, highlighting some of the gems and adding the requisite color (we've christened some of the unnamed programs with titles, you know, just for fun). For some zany reason, the number of the program does not correspond to the order in which it screens, so be sure to break out your B-Side Calendars and your energy drinks, you're gonna need 'em to wrangle this schedule.

Click on the Video to watch One Rat Short, last year's AFF Animated Short Audience Award Winner

Shorts Program #1 - Hilarityousness
Saturday, October 13th, 10:00 PM Stephen F. Austin Theater
Wednesday, October 17th, 7:15 PM Hideout Theater

Including the winner and the runner-up from the Funniest Filmmaker in Austin Competition (whose judges panel included our very own Film Editor Matt Smith), Shorts Program #1 is bringing the chuckle back. You will totes be ROTFLing throughout this 85 minute barrage of court t.v. fakers and best friend dance offs.

How The South Was Lost features the writing and directing talents of Austin based brothers John and Richard Ramsey. A rag-tag group of shoddy Civil War sharp-shooters gathers to begin their assault on the Yankee states, but hasn't yet figured out whether they are fighting for freedom or slavery, or if they even know the difference. We think it would be way fun if the audience joined the Lieutenant in reciting his mantra "We're gonna fight....And we're gonna win!" Winner of Funniest Filmmaker in Austin, this one is two hoots and a knee slap.

Frog Jesus is quite possibly the most fantastic short that we have seen ever. No, seriously. EVER. Writer/Director Benjamin Peters came totally out of left field with this one. When we read that it was a mere 70 seconds long, we of course assumed that it would be one of the more, shall we say, experimental shorts in the bunch. However, what we encountered was the story of a cyan tinted savior, fixed upon delivering the amphibious world from what was sure to be eternal damnation. There is a beat at the end, after which we guarantee that the audience will be belly laughing all the way through the credits. Appropriately shot on 8mm, the short has been lovingly transferred to digital video.

Huge and Blurry was the runner-up at the Funniest Filmmaker in Austin competition, just slightly edged out by How the South Was Lost. Written by and starring Mitch Baker, Huge and Blurry shows us that we are all different and that it is our differences that make us the same, or, something like that. Frankly, any film with a dog sticking out of a guy's nether regions is aces in our book. Baker also co-wrote the short Dennis Franz Story Time and stars in the short Orbiting, both screening at this year's AFF.

Also screening with Shorts Program #1: Pericardium Dreams, The Jeannie Tate Show, My Day in (Fake TV) Court, Badly Drawn Roy, For th Love of God, Dennis Franz Story Time and The Golden Samovar.

[AFF Bside Page]

Shorts Program #2 - Men Are Silly
Thursday, October 11th, 9:30 PM Stephen F. Austin Theater
Sunday, October 14th, 5:45 PM Hideout Theater

Men really are ridiculous, aren't they? So many feelings trapped inside their little heads, just bursting to get out. Not that we're saying women aren't bat-shit crazy too, cause we all know that they are. But this set of shorts has nothing to do with the female species.

Orbiting features the Austinist comment section's favorite word: DOUCHE! That's right, this short focuses on a young man's ability to successfully complete the task of buying Midsummer Night's Eve with his mother's two-for-the-price-of-one coupon. Mom's can be so cruel, but how could you possibly pass up a deal like this? It will almost be like the store is paying us to buy douche! We got a huge kick out of the film's credits naming someone the "Douche Designer."

The Theory of Implied Thought features socially awkward Stan (Mitch Baker), who is obsessed with unlocking the doorway to human subconscious, so much so that he isn’t living real life as it happens. When Stan finally discovers a wormhole into his own head (“It was there when I moved in”), he realizes that it may be a nice place to visit, but it is certainly not where he wants to live, especially with sassy siren Megan Smith waiting for him to join her in realityland. We weren’t familiar with writer/director Andrew Fisher before seeing this short, but he has attended the AFF before with creative partner Leonid Mandel (who also plays a part of Stan’s subconscious). This is Fisher's first solo writing and directing project.

Also screening with Shorts Program #2: On the Air, Knockdown King Lucky Peralta, The Wake of Calum MacLeod, Trip and Sloan, Splitting Hairs and Checkout.

[AFF Bside Page]

Shorts Program #3 - Second City
Friday, October 12th, 9:30 PM Hideout Theater
Monday, October 15th,9:00 PM Hideout Theater

All of the films in this batch were culled from the comedic minds of actors, employees and students of the widely known and highly revered Second City Comedy Theater. And with a pedigree that includes the likes of Bill Murray, Chris Farley, Stephen Colbert, Amy Sedaris, the Belushi Brothers, Tina Fey and Eugene Levy (to mention a few), we know that this one is gonna be a riot! A riot of laughs, we tell you! Look out for the looters!

Screening with Shorts Program #3: So You Want to be a Host, Chinese Mark, Therapy, Ovened Bread, The Break Up, Hit Men, 2 Minute News Hour, Karl, The Police, Film Noir, You Better Watch Out, Koko the Gorilla, Video-Parazzi, Aruba, Spelling Bee, and The Planning Lady.

[AFF Bside Page]

Shorts Program #4 - Whaa???
Thursday, October 11th, 7:15 PM Dobie Theater
Sunday, October 14th, 1:00 PM Dobie Theater

This set of shorts defies definition. There are two animated films about little girls (Looking Glass, aka Spegelbarn and The Chestnut Tree) and three films about men going through various trials and tribulations in their lives (China - old cowboy loses his bull tracking job; True Colours - a father with a propensity for violence tries to earn his families trust; Salt Kiss - a man tries to convince his best friend to not get married.)

From the clip that we watched on True Colours website, we will speculate that it will be a very beautiful, sad film, but hopefully there will be redemption in the end. It's showing at a bazillion film festivals, so it's got to be great, right?

[AFF Bside Page]

Shorts Program #5 - Drama Mama
Saturday, October 13th, 4:15 PM Stephen F. Austin Theater
Tuesday, October 16th, 7:15 PM Hideout Theater

If you are looking for seriousness, you have come to the right place. These six films are oozing with heavy, dramatic subject matter, and from the four that we have seen, you better believe that these filmmakers will be pulling your heartstrings for a long time to come.

The Ship of Fools (Brod Ludaka) is the fictionalized tale of real life Conductor Vedran Smailovic, who continued to play his cello as Sarajevo was being shelled. He attempts to shield his family from the harsh reality of the outside world, but discovers that his unwed daughter is pregnant. Vedran is set on throwing a wedding party for the two lovebirds, but we all know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Writer/Director Matthias Lebeer has made a beautiful film about a very ugly time in Bosnia and Herzegovina.

The Knife Grinder's Tale is the heartbreaking story of a Kenyan father who travels to the urban slums of Nairobi to see the spot where his son breathed his last breath. Writer/Director R.L. Hooker adapted the screenplay from the short story by award winning author Yvonne Adhiambo Owuor and shot the film exclusively in Kenya with Kenyan actors for his Masters Thesis at USC's School of Cinema and Television Production. The story of the production is almost as interesting as the movie itself.

Muertas, as you can guess by the title, is not a happy film. No, it punches you right in the gut with its sad fists, putting a face (although fictional) with the 500 names of those who have gone missing or been murdered in Juarez, Mexico while working in factories or crossing the border. Writer/Director/Star Ryan Williams, the longtime boyfriend of America Ferrera who has a cameo in the film, plays a journalist who convinces his love to cross the border without weighing the consequences.

Deface is possibly our favorite film out of the entire bunch (besides Frog Jesus, of course) and should be a strong contender for an audience award. Sooyoung (played soulfully by Joseph Steven Yang) loses his wife and his daughter to the harsh conditions in North Korea. Every day he is forced to degrade himself when he cannot meet the harsh manual labor quotas set for him by the government, and yet must walk past propaganda billboards that proclaim "We are happy!" His public acts of civil disobedience are punishable by death, and in the end he wonders whether he has really made a difference. At 20 minutes, this is one of the longer shorts, but we didn't want it to end. Writer/Director John Arlotto dares to ask the audience "What if we, as artists, risked our lives each time we expressed ourselves creatively?"

Also screening with Shorts Program #5: Qunicy & Althea and The Shade (Sayeh)

[AFF Bside Page]

Shorts Program #6 - I Don't Know What's Wrong With These Kids Today!
Saturday, October 13th, 3:15 PM Hideout Theater
Wednesday, October 17th, 5:15 PM Hideout Theater

That's right, this herd deals with crazy, kooky, conniving kiddos, who always seem to be getting into some kind of trouble, Dennis the Menace style.

Goldfish is a cautionary tale, one that teaches us that a little bit of information only adds up to a whole lotta t-r-o-u-b-l-e. Laboring under the misapprehension that Finding Nemo is the end all, be all of human existence, two little girls take the fate of their classroom goldfish into their own hands, not knowing that Pixar-land is in stark contrast to the real world. The only word we could think of for this one is "cute." It's just plain, well, cute and features a bevy of familiar faces including Carlos Alazraqui as the whistle-blowing janitor.

Also screening with Shorts Program #6: Aquarium, Magnus, Inc., Miseducation of Caitlin Harris, The Anatomy of a Frog, and Ninth Street Chronicles.

[AFF Bside Page]

All pictures courtesy of the Austin Film Festival website. Video courtesy of YouTube.