Band Slam! Vol. 5
Welcome to the latest edition of Band Slam!, wherein I navigate the murky waters of Austin's club listings for the best and worst band names playing this week. The only rule: I can't know anything about the actual band, thus limiting my critique strictly to the band's chosen moniker. Let's cook!!
Harptallica - Elysium, Friday 10/05
After the Radiohead reggae album, all bets are off as far as taking ultimate creative license with canonized rock music goes. I've never been to Elysium, but I can say with some confidence that, bar none, the best venue to listen to something called Harptallica is on the first floor of Nordstrom's on Sunday afternoon, over by the perfume counter, surrounded by old ladies and ill-behaved children.
Cobretti - Red 7, Sun 10/07
I can't explain it, but vaguely Italian-sounding made-up words featuring fragments of poisonous snake terminology get me a little hot and bothered. This could very well be the soundtrack to mid-'80s Stallone driving a Ferrari through a stack of oil drums shirtless in a leather jacket while Rae Dawn Chong blasts aliens with a pair of Uzis.
Barber Shop Quartet - Mohawk, Sat 10/06
Unless this is some kind of harsh noise project, I'm pretty offended by this. How much more generic can you get? How many metal bands call themselves "Metal Band"? None, that's how many. Granted, this crew is appearing at The Mohawk, which isn't exactly grandma's front porch, but I dunno...too geeky to be enjoyably innocent, too plain to be ironic, and waaayyy too mom-and-apple-pie to be appreciable in any other context.
The Hottness - Red 7, Sat 10/06
Strike 1: You misspelled a very basic single-syllable word, the top cardinal sin of band names (you just joined Korn, Staind AND Puddle of Mudd). Strike 2: the name implies self-glorification without irony. Strike 3: You're called "The Hottness." You're OUT!
Gringo Star - Trophy's, Sun 10/07
Strike 1: Ringo Deathstarr already perfected the Beatles-punning thing. Strike 2: The aforementioned pun is kind of half-ass, since you left the extra R off "Starr." Strike 3: This is the kind of name, drunk dentists come up with on the country club patio while hiding from their wives (a strain of band name I've documented before), and they're playing at TROPHY'S. You're OUT!
Rage Ranger - Club Deville, Thurs 10/11
Carrying on this week's laborious baseball metaphors, Rage Ranger's moniker sounds like the perfect title for one of those cheapo direct-to-video horror movies with a holographic cover image, in the grand tradition of "Jack Frost" and "Uncle Sam." Our hero is an alcoholic AA baseball pitcher, recently divorced and laid off from the farm team, who takes out his problems by beaning them with his 100mph fastball. Tagline: "Get ready for some MAJOR LEAGUE MAYHEM" ...Dammit, now I'm all excited to check out a movie that doesn't exist! Thanks a heap, Rage Ranger.
Photo by Tweez, courtesy of Flickr
