Austinist: Truesday: Pushing Problems On Out

truecraig

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 11:13:13 -0600

Yeh, lil_e, it's always bitter-sweet when they get the boot. But we can only do so much for others before we become bitter and dream of them finding horrific pain. Something like that. Kenneth: it'd be Moby Brick! I love a good literary reference, so, kudos to you good sir! Flen: "skittle diddler"... oh, that's good. I'm stealing that for sure.

Flen

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 02:08:36 -0600

Wow. This blog brought back such wonderful nostalgia from my own Pier One days (*sigh*...many, many moons ago), when I worked at the now defunct Airport location near Highland Mall (or the Mid-Town Spa bath house, whatever is your best point of reference). We never had a super-pooper, but we did have our share of crazies, and the gold medal went to The Wanker, a middle-aged man with a horrendous Grecian-for-Men dye job, who probably would have been a fantastic serial killer had he not been such a sad underachiever. The type of man who thought it best to served his country by periodically coming into our mercantile on an idle Sunday to masturbate. And not just some cheap rub-a-nub through his polyester trousers kind of masturbate, but a full on whipping out the turtle head and shaking it angrily at the world sort of yanker. I'm still mildly curious, in a purely academic sense mind you, as to what inspires a person to waltz into a store full of overpriced furniture soldered together by the bleeding hands of third-world children and think, “Hey, this would be a great place to start pulling my pud”, because from what I could decipher, he wasn’t ogling anyone in particular. In fact, I was led to conclude that Kiln rugs and batik napkins where amongst his list of turn-ons. The worst of it, aside from catching him flagrante delicto, was that he always attempted to mask his misdeeds by touching every piece of merchandise within reach…and one of us poor unfortunates would later draw the short straw to straighten up said tainted section, praying that our hands didn’t touch something sticky. This occurred at a time when our staff was mostly female. It wasn’t until we had a few of our own Dobermans on staff that The Wanker was finally intimidated enough to sniff out new territory. Nothing like a bulky stoner standing out on the floor with arms crossed like Chief Kicks-Your-Ass to rid our little retail world of an ol’ crusty skittle-diddler. So this Bud’s for you, Oh Noble Dobermans of Pier One. You are the real American Heroes.

lil e

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 16:09:00 -0600

Holy crap that was funny, gauche indeed. We had one of those dudes at the cafe I worked at for years. Much as I loved him, I was on the receiving end of the screw-over by him one too many times to be too broken up when he finally got the axe.

kenneth1

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 16:01:32 -0600

One could say your friend was Ahab, and he finally met his Great Brown Leviathan.

guest

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 11:49:28 -0600

Awesome. So what's everyone doing for lunch?

guest

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 11:13:48 -0600

craig, it's so beautiful when i can truly rest in the bosom of an inspired bowel story. stank you very much.

guest

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 10:58:32 -0600

Wow. Maybe your best poop story ever.