R. Kelly, also known as the Pied Piper of R & B (wait, didn't the Pied Piper play a magical flute that compelled children to follow him en masse? Is this really a prudent honorific for someone still facing child pornography charges?) has just released the third installment of his "hip-hopera" Trapped in the Closet.

Most of you Internets-savvy young folk are, no doubt, already conversant with Trapped in the Closet's randomly overwrought narrative arc and the subsequent ever-escalating dramz facing such characters as Tina, Cathy a.k.a. "Mary", Rufus, Twan and Sylvester. You know, stuff like doubly cheating spouses, down-low gay love, midget cameos, threats of gunplay, and discarded wigs lying around, all narrated in a continual sing-speak by an intensely concerned R. Kelly. If you can't wait to find out what happens next, you're so in luck! Because tonight, the Alamo Drafthouse South Lamar celebrates the release of Robert Sylvester Kelly's newest DVD in typically grand fashion. First comes a recap of all the TITC episodes thus far, followed by sing-a-longs to select R. Kelly videos, followed by an unveiling of the new episodes at midnight. Though the show is free, you may reserve your seat by pre-purchasing your very own copy of the new DVD from Waterloo Video. The first 48 available seats for this screening will go to people who bought the DVD, and the rest of the theater will fill up on a first-come, first-serve basis.

So if you spend too much time today wrestling with whether or not liking R. Kelly makes you a bad feminist, or whether or not a presumably mostly-white audience singing along to R. Kelly constitutes modern-day minstrelsy, or whether Kelly is a genius/possible criminal or criminal/possible genius, know this: your seat for tonight's show just might get scooped up by someone else. Someone who perhaps has watched some vintage R. Kelly videos and decided this might be the funnest thing to do on a Monday night.

Trapped in the Closet DVD Release Party
Alamo Drafthouse South Lamar
Monday, August 20th
11:15 pm
Free, limited seats
[Pre-purchase DVD/Reserve Seat]