Band Slam! Vol. 3

Welcome to the latest edition of Band Slam!, wherein I navigate the murky waters of Austin's club listings for the best and worst band names playing this week. The only rule: I can't know anything about the actual band, thus limiting my critique strictly to the band's chosen moniker. Cum on, feel the noise!

Comanche Abortion - Snake Eyes Vinyl, 08/09

Oof. Who knows what kind of nightmare gave birth to this one (yuk yuk), but I'm glad I didn't have it. War whoops, bonfires, face paint, blood and feathers everywhere...if this band was Slayer in 1987 I don't know if they could do the name justice. But they can certainly try.

Gay Beast - Parlor, 08/11

These guys need to team up with MVSCLZ and do a split 7" or something--talk about a match made in heaven, hopefully by Rob Halford. Speaking of which, this better be some melt-your-face metal; blastbeats make everything better but they would put this so far over the top it'd be underground again.

Higher Than Why - Flamingo Cantina 08/09

Have you ever been so high that this phrase made sense to you?

Super Heavy Goat Ass/Split Hoof - Room 710, 08/11

Coincidence these two bands are playing the same bill? I think not. As far as I know, S.H.G.A. is fairly established on the Red River scene, so maybe Split Hoof is a side project. Super Heavy Goat Ass is one of those tone-defiant names that looks ridiculous but, when you think about it, actually does sound pretty fucking heavy. Wonder how they did that.

Damage Pants - Snake Eyes, 08/12

There's that pair of pants you keep tucked away in the very back of the closet, behind the empty shoeboxes and moldy wife-beaters, that you could never bring yourself to throw away but try not to think about to often. They only come out when punks need to be taught a lesson and shit needs to be totally fucking destroyed. Or you have to put in some drywall.

Party Garbage - The Parlor, 08/11

Everyone loves bands that sound like broken glass, crushed Lone Star cans, oceans of cigarette butts, graffiti, random articles of clothing, and a skinny kid with a headband passed out on the couch. If it's your house that's trashed the morning after, do what you gotta do: put on some rock n roll and get scrubbin'.

Billy Bob Thornton - Antone's, 8/12

Come on, guy. In this day and age, who the hell sincerely calls himself "Billy Bob"? Seriously! Do you wear rhinestone shirts and write songs about your dog, too? Irony might have saved this ten years ago, but unless this guy is twelve years old he oughtn't be taken seriously. Might be a good idea to keep that day job at the Costco or wherever, pal.

Photo by Tweez, courtesy of Flickr

Contact the author of this article or email tips@austinist.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By matthew dewitt in Arts & Entertainment, Other on August 9, 2007 2:35 PM 0 Comments

Comments [rss]

guest

Thanks for the hard chuckle.....

heyzeus

My enjoyment of this feature is magnified by the guarantee that at least one commenter each week completely and hilariously does not get it.

matthew dewitt

Gnar Gnar is the best name on here this week. Skempy, didn't the Iroquois invent the caesarian?

guest

This is pretty f'in gnar gnar.

Love me some DAMAGE PANTS!

Kerry Skemp

i'd been thinking that caesarean section might make a good band name, and now i see what was missing. so who wants to join apache caesarean? i'll play drums...

guest

"Higher Than Why - Flamingo Cantina 08/09

Have you ever been so high that this phrase made sense to you?"

I almost spit water on the computer screen!

nicely done!

guest

Do you live under a rock? You've never heard of Billy Bob Thornton? Friday Night Lights? Hitting fat ass in Bad Santa? Sling Blade? Banging Halle Berry in Monsters Ball? Or maybe you're were just trying to be funny? "Trying" being the key word.