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Welcome to the latest edition of Band Slam!, wherein I navigate the murky waters of Austin's club listings for the best and worst band names playing this week. The only rule: I can't know anything about the actual band, thus limiting my critique strictly to the band's chosen moniker. Let's get it on!
MVSCLZ - Mohawk, 8/02
Not many people turning "V"s in "U"s these days--I guess it was more of a Roman thing. I like this a lot: rendering a testosterone heavy word like "muscles" with no vowels and all caps strikes a weirdly disturbing balance between kitschy and macho/sadist. It's something you'd expect to see chiseled over the entrance to a steamy Turkish bath, albeit one frequented by black metal singers. Apparently this is the guy from Assacre, and I get the feeling it's a similar type deal--a dude in spangly underwear and a black cape doing push-ups and cock-rocking out to old Mayhem cassettes.
Oklahomos - Room 710, 8/04
Texas is still #1 for beers and steers, but apparently we've let the queers roam north. This can't not be a punk rock band; as to what strain, you could go in a couple different directions. Limp Wrist-style queercore? Sophomoric jock-punk? For some reason the name conjures an image of makeup-smeared psychobillies, including an upright-bass player and a foxy girl singer. I'd be kind of disappointed if it were anything else.
Painfilled Silent - Red-Eyed Fly, 8/02
Somebody forgot to change "silent" to noun form, or forgot to separate two adjectives with a comma, but thought it sounded "powerful" anyway. The bass player has dreadlocks and wears his bass below his knees. The singer extends his free hand at a 45 degree angle when hitting the high notes. Their manager is a business undergrad at Texas State. At least one member is vegan.
The El Guapos - Red-Eyed Fly, 8/04
Don't you mean "Los Guapos"? Even if it's supposed to be funny, there's something a little bad-stupid about that name, like Taco Bell's grammar-free "Viva Gorditas" ad campaign from the '90s or whenever. This is the band name a bunch of inebriated dentists come up with while hiding from their wives on the country club patio.
Future Clouds And Radar - Emo's, 8/04
Are the clouds and radar from the future, or is the future part of the package that includes clouds and radar? Maybe just the clouds are from the future? Wait, does anybody care?
Ghosthustler - Mohawk, 8/07
The name of the week goes to Ghosthustler, a title that manages to combine '80s nostalgia, situational irony, and surreal sexy talk into a genre-defying wad of awesome. In a perfect world this would be a super-mack horrorcore MC in a (human)-blood-splattered fur coat, pimping dead celebrities' spiritual matter and grinding the skulls of haters beneath his 20 inch rims. Ultimately it doesn't matter what it sounds like because whatever it is it is called GHOSTHUSTLER. Put that in your hollowed-out thigh-bone and smoke it.
Flickr fridge photo courtesy of Tweek
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I enjoy your mind, Matthew Xavier Dewitt.
Honestly? You don't know anything about Future Clouds? Where have you been? They've been pretty hot all over the interwebs...
RE: MVSCLS
1. it's spelled MVSCLZ. That's a Z on the end. A Z. Not an S.
2. Saying it's the guy "from" Assacre is kind of weird, since Assacre is a guy, so more like, "it's the same guy as Assacre" would be more accurate.
3. If you would have taken a second to check out MVSCLZ's myspace page you would find that MVSCLZ is not "a dude in spangly underwear and a black cape doing push-ups and cock-rocking out to old Mayhem cassettes", but a mustachioed homo in short shorts aerobicizing to eastern bloc disco.
4. I love MVSCLZ. He's amazing.
Sincerely,
Amanda Joy
i lol'd at the ghosthustler description.
love these band slam things.
i love how people love to laugh.
Hey Mizz Amanda Joy,
Sorry about the "typo" for MVSCLZ--it's fixed. I couldn't look into the tunes beforehand because them's the rulez--I checked out the myspace this morning, and, yep, miles away from cock-rocking to Mayhem cassettes. live and learn.
What about the band, the Bearded Clamdiggers? That is a crazy name, hilarious, but wtf at the same time.
Hey, Amanda Joyless, did you read the rules or just get excited about seeing MVSCLES in there and start listing complaints?
love the column, Matt. doesn't try to be too clever, just sounds like the way you think/talk/write, and it occurs with the right amount of frequency. and i could give a damn if you haven't heard of future clouds and radar.
I heard MVSCLZ luvz it when his name is misspelled.
OK, so I totally missed the rule part! OOOOOOOOOOPS
If I could edit my previous comment, I would obviously change item #3 to read "Once you take a second to check out MVSCLZ's myspace page..." and also add on about 16 exclamation points after the word "amazing" on #4.
Thanks for fixin' the spellin', Mr. Dewitt!
(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Amanda Joy