Craigslist: Missed Connections

Ready the coolers and swimsuits, for summer is soon upon us. Although technically summer doesn't start for a few more days it certainly feels like we're living it as we speak. Not that we're complaining, we love it, we're just pointing it out for those who might have not been paying attention. Barton Springs, the lakes, tubing, cold beer, ACL; count us in! It's not just a way to beat the heat, It's way of life. What else can you do while you're out and about this summer? Read below for the best of last week's Missed Connections to get an idea...

I pulled your hair at Albertson’s - m4w

I’m sorry. I think. Let me explain…

You: Extremely attractive. Running shorts, t-shirt, long blonde hair

Me: Khaki shorts, t-shirt, bloodshot eyes and unfortunate flipflops

So I’m stoned and making migas. Stupid me for not checking the pantry and realizing I was out of Cholula sauce. I cannot do without the Cholula sauce on my migas. Yes, stoners do have standards. Roomie 1 has no gas in his car and I think not so good that he drives mine, so I default to drive my half-baked ass to Albertson’s to grab the sauce. Mind you I am breaking the cardinal rule of NEVER EVER going to the grocery store stoned and hungry. Once I went to get some tuna and bread, ended up $140 lighter and spent an hour unpacking a combination of foodstuffs more bizarre than a Vietnamese buffet.

Resolve, man, resolve. Stay out of the snack aisle. Avoid the bizarre canned meat collection and the frozen food section. Condiments only. I can do this! And so I did…

You were walking normally. Provocatively, but normally. Me? I was speed-walking. Get in, get Cholula, get out. Must maintain focus. Back to my unfortunate choice of footwear – I was wearing flip-flops, remember? Well speed-walking requires a delicate combination of balance and traction, of which I was slightly lacking in the balance department and how the fuck was I to know they had failed to perform “Clean-Up on Aisle 3” ?

So you’re strolling oh so sexily ahead of me as I blow past the relishes and olive goodness coming up behind you. I prepare to pass near the mustard. Just as I’m about to even with you and divert my gaze from your ass to your face, I hit the wet spot. My right foot shoots forward, flinging my flipflop a good ten feet ahead, and to avoid doing a complete assplant on the tile, I reach for your shoulder.

I got all hair. Your head snapped back in a whiplash-inducing flash and you screamed. Gawd it was a sexy scream. I tried to explain but you ran away. I am not some hair-pulling-maniac, I swear! It was just an accident. Fate, dumb luck and a raging case of the munchies.

I, forlorn and lovestruck, retrieved my errant flipflop and left the store.

With tuna and bread. I forgot the Cholula.

So please, forgive me. And if you wanna hook up, please reply. I’ll pull your hair if you ask me too…

Are you sure this is true? We agree it's quite amusing, but most stoners we know would have just hit the Cabana for a bite. And $150?! There goes your disc golf replacement fund!