It's the your favorite bartender at Sao Paulo, or the girl in the cutoffs at El Chilito. It's the smokin' UPS guy, or one of the Lone Star Rollergirls.

It's your local secret crush.

It's hard to believe that it's been over sixteen years since Linklater's Slacker edified the collective and individual characters that make Austin, well, Austin. Although Liberty Lunch is long gone, the people that make our city great remain. And what is summertime in Austin if not filled with little, happy moments with other fine residents of the Violet Crown? For this edition of Crush-Out, we received a request to interview one such fine person: Chris, the Texas Hydroponics Guy. His admirer wrote to us, saying, "the wistfulness he exudes when he talks about airstones and succulents just makes me crumble." Not one to disappoint, Chris' intensity extends to music, energy drinks, and how he spends his free time.

Pining for the to-go girl at Eastside Pies? Spending too many lunches sampling in the cheese section of Central Market (to see if he's working)? Pretending to be really into rock climbing on account of that bearded dude at Whole Earth? We've all been there. Email us at crushout@austinist.com, and we'll help you get the perts.

So, Chris. What do you do when you aren't working at the store?

When I'm not working, I enjoy catching rattlesnakes, fishing, and, of course, gardening.

Of course. What was the last book or periodical you read?

The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.

1) Southern Harmony and Musical Companion by the Black Crowes
2) Seasons in the Abyss by Slayer
3) Evil Empire by Rage Against the Machine

Some of my favorite local bands are the South Austin Jug Band, Images of Violence (JonZig) and Grimy Styles.

Describe the last thing you saw that really made you think.

A customer brought in a water-cooled light—1000 watt—that he made. I can't stop
thinking about it. It's very, very cool...all the light, none of the heat.

Do you have any siblings?

I had a brother, but he was hit by a car and died when I was 16.

What is your hometown?

Shreveport, LA, but I've been living in Austin for twelve years, and I consider Austin my home. [It's] the only place I feel comfortable.

What is your favorite eatery in town?

Recently? El Chilito on Manor.

What is a guilty pleasure of yours?

I like Monster energy drinks. They have enough sugar to feed a flock of hummingbirds.

How did you get into hydroponics? What do you think is the most interesting thing about your line of work?

My family had a small organic farm in northeast Texas. That's how I got into gardening. [I've] been around plants since I was knee high, and love working with plants. It's very peaceful.

What else?

I would love to talk more, but I'm very busy with customers.

Okay. Thanks, Chris.

Peace out.

Chris Hardman is the manager of Texas Hydroponics and can be found working at 5126 Burnet Rd. most days. He was mum when we asked if he was single, but will tell you how to raise tomato plants in your closet. Yeah.