Wear a Condom, Y'all: This Weeks New Movie Releases!

Oh, the humanity! Welcome to the one weekend a year where you can see a biker mama on every block sporting a midriff baring halter top and leather chaps; however, this woman will bear a striking resemblance to the woman who birthed you . Pair that with inhaling noxious greenhouse-effect-inducing fumes and having your eardrums wailed on like a red-headed step-child and suddenly paying $8.25 to sit in a cold, dark box doesn't seem so outrageous. Thank you, movie theaters, you have just saved us a bazillion dollars in doctor/therapist fees.

*Adam's Apples
So, a Priest and a Neo-Nazi walk into a bar....Danish black comedy loosely based on the Book of Job, you know, from the Bible. (We are soooo going to hell for wikipedia-ing the Book of Job.)

*Beyond the Gates
Much like Hotel Rwanda, Beyond the Gates is the true story of a run-of-the-mill locale (this time it's a school) becoming a refugee camp for the Tutsi people and ultimately a killing field. There is pretty much nothing funny or snarky to say, and we can only hope that someone, somewhere will finally figure out how to stop the genocide. Until that day, send your prayers, your meditations, your rays of white light towards Darfur.

Bug
People, if you notice something crawling under your skin, please go to the doctor. We don't care if you don't have health insurance, that shit is nasty and you have got to get some medicine.

Fool and Final
A film based on another film. That's right, Fool and Final is a Bollywood remake of Guy Ritchie's Snatch. Only with Mike Tyson. Seriously. We are guessing that he is playing Brad Pitt's part, you know, the guy that you can't understand a word that comes out of his mouth....

Gracie
Apparently Elisabeth Shue was a kick ass soccer player/burgeoning feminist at some point in her life. Yes, that Elisabeth Shue. And yes, we loved Adventures in Babysitting just as much as you.

Jindabyne
Men find dead body. Men leave dead body for two days to go fishing. Men return to town and tell of dead body they found two days ago. Townspeople, wives, authorities outraged. Lives crumble. The End.

*Knocked Up
This movie has been getting more media exposure than Voxtrot. But we are okay with that, because we lurve Judd Apatow and his merry band of marauders. We also personally think that Seth Rogen is kind of adorable, but we admittedly have a shiksa complex.

Mr. Brooks
Kevin Costner is a serial killer! No, wait, William Hurt is a serial killer! No, wait, we're confused.

*Once
This movie is based on our ideal world, a world in which people break into song for no apparent reason other than it is the only way to express how they feel. And these people have Irish accents.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Can we remind everyone that the original concept for this movie was born from a theme park ride? Time to calibrate your expectations. That said, Johnny Depp can do no wrong.

10 Questions for the Dalai Lama
His Holiness visited Austin about a year and a half ago, and we haven't stopped kicking ourselves for missing it. Watching this documentary is a completely different experience than that would have been, but still a worthwhile endeavor.

* Austinist recommends. We also recommend these first runs: Away from Her, Chalk, Hot Fuzz, The Lives of Others, The Page Turner, Waitress, Year of the Dog

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