Craigslist: Missed Connection

Hello fellow humidity monsoon victims. You are still in Austin, and have not been transported to Portland. Although we do thank you for your attempt to drive in a normal manner during this "crisis." We hope that you have had a few chances to get out and get your skill set polished for the upcoming summer connection series. To help you learn what NOT to do we've published the best of last week's Missed Connections...

Helloooooooo MULLET Sisters !!! - m4w

Hellooooooo Mullet Sisters !! I saw ya'lls sexy ass at club Option.. One was dark hair with a black/white top and jeans and the other sexy lady was a blonde/strawberry blonde highlights with a brown top and jeans ... both very business in the front, party in the back hair.. I LOVED IT !!! I'm just a chorizo lookin' for his chalupa... could it be you ?!?! Holla at this sexy realtor with a BIG set of Jewels... ;) *wink*

Helloooooooooooo sexy ladies !!!

BTW, that is an awesome mullet picture. If you hang out where there are people with Mullets then you have no one to blame but yourself. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that, but if you have a problem with it then...

The frontin' prom-girls vs. the fingerpaint squad - w4w

Missed connection indeed. You had your limo, we had our, um, finger paints. Sorry your high school prom dresses were so tight that it cut off the circulation to your heads. It’s a shame. The little fake girl-on-girl shimmy you were doing through the sunroof of the limo wasn’t all that hot, but you played it off well when you flicked off us, the by-standers. So I flashed you my stomach, upon which my friend had drawn the face of a slimy man. That, my dear tight-dressed-prommed-out-friends, is who would be required to appreciate your antics. And let me tell you, the man on my stomach’s fake moustache is a gross-stache. Stray whiskers, saggy eyes, and all.

So, in the end, I’m much obliged to give you your desired audience, and a reciprocal “fuck you” created through the wonderful body language of lone middle fingers waving in the air. At least I know this – when the limo is returned, the makeup and hairspray comes out, and you return safely to your parents homes I know that whatever power you felt tonight will be null . And me? You never know. I might just go and become the benevolent ruler of a small country in a distant land at the drop of a hat. And that’s a better world, as far as I’m concerned.
Hope your ice cream didn’t break the zippers of your dresses.
Fondly,
The Squad

We'd be totally offended by this if we hadn't been the fat nerdy kid ourselves. Wearing black clothes and listening to the Ramone's and Jane's Addiction while dreaming of flipping off bitchy little girls going to prom in their precious limo while sneering down their nose at "our kind." We'll be glad to be Raúl to your Fidel. Oh my, have we said too much?!