The Kids Aren't Alright

It turns out that certain kids do, in fact, have cooties.

At least that's the case right now in Round Rock, where at least thirty children have contracted a severely contagious disease called shigellosis. Caused by the bacteria shigella, which is picked up through fecal/oral transmission (ie, not washing your hands), the illness manifests itself with such symptoms as bloody diarrhea, fever, stomach cramps, fatigue, and nausea.

The outbreak thus far has been limited to Forest Creek Elementary (22 students) and Ridgeview Middle School (2), and authorities promise that they're doing their best to contain it.