Last Week Around the -ISTs
Schieffer's Out of Gov Race
We would like to say that our tardiness is due to the NCAA Basketball Championship game. Of course that didn't happen until 8pm Monday night, so let's just blame it on "preparation" for the game. You know how it is. First you buy all of the booze, and then you start drinking all of the booze. It finally ends tragically when you eventually turn the game off and force everyone to watch Press Your Luck. Didn't you all do that? We suppose that it might have just been us. Well, big money no whammies. We certainly hope that you haven't encountered any whammies in your search for connections. To aid in your search we've gathered the best of last week's Missed Connections...
Light blue nissan pathfinder, you were just cruzing and asked me why the fake moustache. Email me back ill let you know!
Our number one guess is that you're a chick, cruising for chicks, dressed as a dude and got called on it. If that's not the case, and you're actually a guy, then perhaps you just donned the stache to get a little time alone to pretend that you were as cool as the famous German pornstar Chadrick Invidkl. We really have no idea, and now we really don't want to know.
Are you drinking more than usual to forget?
I am. The only way I can sleep without talking to you is to drink. Hopefully my liver will survive.
Short answers are yes, and we doubt it. Long answers are yes; and we don't drink to forget, forgetting just seems to come with the territory.
a missed connection that went on for way too long
Here are the top five reasons that I never liked you that much and am not angry, repeat not angry, that you have a new girlfriend.1.) you are fucking nuts. seriously. washing your hands every hour, on the hour? nuts. get some help, man. i hope that you've at least gotten over your 'inspect-every-fork-you-eat-off-of-for-5-minutes' kick.
2.) you went from being a relatively fun, exciting person to not going out at all and being a big nerd that stayed in every weekend to watch science fiction. how does this happen? i don't know, but congratulations because you did it.
3.) you have a small weiner. sometimes this is okay if you know how to compensate in other ways. but did you? the answer to this rhetorical question is no. i was also lying about everything else in this arena if you get what i'm saying.
4.) the magic was gone a long time ago. i didn't like watching your boring movies. i didn't like cooking for you or with you. i didn't like (pretending to) read your boring short stories. you are a mediocre writer, at best. and i didn't like going out to eat with you so that i could just sit across the table and watch you inspect your food. bor-ing.
5.) everybody else thinks that you are nuts, too. and not even in the cool way...but in the 'oh man, he is crazy. let's stay away from that guy or something bad will probably happen.' way.
if i were to draw a graph of how exponentially better my life has gotten without you, it would look like an almost-vertical line, increasing slightly to the right. i wish you bad luck in your future and may god have mercy on your new girlfriend. BADnight.
That's it for this week. If we missed any of your favorites
just post them for us all to view. We'll be back next week with a new
round up. Until then, may you find Peace, Love and
Connections.
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The sound girl at Ms. Bea's during SXSW was wearing a fake mustache. She was incredibly cute.
No one is as cool and hot as that porn star Chadrick Invidkl. I heard whispers of rumors that he was spotted around town during SXSW.
Bow down to Chadrick, awesomest of the gay porn stars in the land. I really thought his original name of DJ Super Gay Osborne was cooler, alas the lawsuit.
Bow down to Chadrick, awesomest of the gay porn stars in the land. I really thought his original name of DJ Super Gay Osborne was cooler, alas the lawsuit.