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Stupid Student Tricks, Spring Break Edition
Spring Break is over and the students at The University of Texas have reclaimed their city--things are slowly coming back together.
However, before the break, one would assume that these future leaders of tomorrow would have saved up their energy for a vacation to Cancun, a road trip to Florida or, god forbid, staying in town for that music festival that you only gets you a wristband tanline. But just months, weeks and days before the spring ritual of drinking and debauchery, the student populace at UT Austin was out in full force: peeing on themselves, shooting people in the ass, (almost) losing their virginity in public and even propositioning a creative variety sexual services.
But it's not without its consequences. After being named the Number One Party School in the United States, the boys in blue (and a tad of burnt orange) tallied some of the alcohol statistics for 2006 when compared to 2005. In 2005, 124 people were arrested on campus for Driving While Intoxicated--in 2006 that number nearly doubled to 220. In 2006, 218 people were arrested for Public Intoxication--up from 182 the previous year.
For the uninitiated, with a school of over 50,000 students, one or two are bound to run into the law every once in a while. Whenever this happens, the UT Police Department lets us know through a bi-weekly newsletter, in compliance with The Jeanne Clery Disclosure of Campus Security Policy and The Campus Crime Statistics Act. This all-campus blotter, complemented with its unique brand of hard-justice satire, is available for e-mail subscription here. But we've sifted through all the nonsense to bring you the best these current drinkers and future leaders have to offer.
#10 - Beemer Bee Bee in the Butt
W. 21st Street, Assault With Bodily Injury: A UT student heard a loud popping sound then felt a sharp pain in the left cheek of his gluteus maximus. The student turned and watched a white BMW SUV drive slowly past him. At the time the student believed he had been hit by something ricocheting off the street. The student soon discovered that he had been hit with an object similar to a BB due to the injury and redness of his derrière. During the investigation several officers searched the area looking for the BMW and were unable to locate the vehicle. Occurred on: 2-08-07, at 11:45 PM.
#9 - Get A (Dorm) Room!
South Mall, Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor (2 Counts): UT police officers observed what appeared to be two UT students sitting on the south steps of the Main Building. As the officers approached, they realized that one student was straddling the other. And the other student's had concealed his hands inside the shirt of the student who was on top. During the investigation, the officers detected a moderate odor of alcohol on the breaths of both subjects. Officers learned that both subjects were under the legal age of 21. As the investigation continued, officer observed the male subject open his wallet and attempt to conceal a second State of Texas driver's license that was issued to another UT student who was of the legal age to consume alcohol. The second DL was confiscated and both students were issued field release citations for Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor. Prior to being released both subjects were given referrals to the Dean of Students. Occurred On: 01-26-07, at 3:15 AM..
#8 - Now That's Embarrassing
San Antonio Street, Public Intoxication: A UT student was observed swaying back and forth while relieving himself. The subject was then observed staggering as he attempted to navigate the straight contours of the sidewalk. During the investigation, the officer detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the subject's breath. The subject's pants could not defy gravity as they slipped off his hips during the investigation. The officer noted that the subject's speech was slurred and his eyes were bloodshot and watery. The subject was taken into custody for Public Intoxication and transported to Central Booking.Occurred on: 3-02-07, at 2:45 AM..
#7 - Al Qaeda Cell In Kentucky?
Main Building, Suspicious Persons: A UT staff member observed an unknown subject exit the elevator and walk up to her window to look out over the South Mall area. The staff member informed the subject that the 26th floor was closed to the general public and that he could not view the campus from that location. The subject left the floor, and returned with another unknown subject. Again the staff member told both subjects that they could not view the campus from the 26th floor and pointed to a 1' X 1' sign that states "No viewing on this floor." The first unknown subject replied, "That's alright we are just visiting from Kentucky." Occurred on: 01-23-07, at 8:21 AM..
#6 - Business School Is Rough
Graduate School of Business, Public Intoxication: A non-UT subject was discovered passed out inside the women's restroom located on the 2nd floor. During the investigation, the officers were able to get the subject to wake up and exit the stall. The officer observed that the subject still had in her possession a quart bottle of port wine that was three quarters empty. The officers observed that the subject could not maintain her balance and slurred her speech. The subject was taken into custody for Public Intoxication and transported to Central Booking. Occurred on: 01-19-07, at 8:09 AM..
#5 - What Was On The Computer Screen?
Perry-Castaneda Library, Criminal Trespass: A UT staff member discovered a non-UT subject sleeping at a computer station located on the 2nd floor. The staff member observed a pool of liquid on the floor below the subject's chair, and observed that the chair and the subject's pants were wet. During the investigation, the officer woke the subject up and detected a moderate odor of alcohol on the subject's breath. The subject believed that the officer was singling him out because he was sleeping in a public place. The officer informed the subject that he was there because the subject had urinated on himself, the chair as well as the floor while he was asleep. The officer issued the subject a written criminal trespass warning and escorted the subject from the building to a dryer area. Occurred on: 2-01-07, at 3:00 PM..
#4 - Texas Our Texas
300 Block of W. Sixth St., Public Intoxication: A non-UT was observed falling out of the driver's seat of his vehicle and landing on the roadway. The officer discovered that the subject was unconscious. After several attempts, the officer was able to wake the unconscious subject. During the investigation, the officer detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the subject's breath. The officer observed that the subject's eyes were bloodshot and watery. The subject believed that he was in "Texas Hawaii" and that the current date and time was "Texas 22." The subject was taken into custody for Public Intoxication and transported to Central Booking. Occurred on 12-23-06, at 3:58 AM..
#3 - This Happened at Three in the AFTERNOON!
Collections Deposit Library, Disorderly Conduct/Exposure: A non-UT subject was observed by a UT staff member providing nutrients and additional moisture to the university owned flora. The staff member became offended and yelled at the subject to stop. The non-UT subject yelled back and wanted to know if the staff member was a security guard. The staff member responded, "No, but the police are on their way." During the investigation, the officer learned that the non-UT subject had been urinating in a public place and was reckless when exposing his genitals. The non-UT subject was issued a field release citation for Disorderly Conduct and was released. Occurred on: 1-03-06, at 3:05 PM..
#2 - That's Just Plain Mean
Various Buildings: The Texas Department of Public Safety-Capitol Division, reported an incident where monofilament fishing line was strung across the entrance of a stairwell causing a tripping hazard. Attached are photographs of the hazard.
#1 - God Bless America
West Mall, Disorderly Conduct: A UT student reported being approached by an unknown female twice over the course of two days. The student stated that during a recruiting drive, the unknown female began talking to him, then placed her hands on his shoulder continually while they talked about the student organization. The next day, the female attempted to kiss his hands and cheek. The student became offended and told her to stop. After being told to stop the female placed her head within several inches of the student’s nether region and explained to him that she would love to hum the National Anthem with a certain part of his body in her mouth. The subject stood up and began showing nude pictures of herself to other students that were standing around watching the events unfold. The unknown female was told to leave. The unknown female began screaming and yelling obscenities, then left the area. The unknown female was described as: White female, 5’-04”, slender build, shaved head, and last seen wearing a white dress with multi-colored dots, a long black dress with a fur collar, and a pink hat. Occurred on: 02-02-07, at 1:05 PM..
Photo courtesy of Andrew Chan.
