Anna Nicole Smith (born Vickie Lynn Hogan), a gold-digger without equal and Marilyn Monroe impersonator on steroids, went to that big dollar-shaped swimming pool in the sky today after passing out in a hotel room. We here at the Austinist will always remember the garrulous blond bombshell for her tireless pursuit of all things hedonistic and selfish in the face of killjoys who would cluck their tongues at her simply showing a wrinkled multi-millionaire out the door in style. A nation enraptured by the spectacle, we watched her career metastasize. From testing the tensile strength of the pages of Playboy to her own, staggeringly insipid TV show, to the hallowed steps of our nation's highest court, she always eschewed the tethers of elegance and grace in favor of brashness and self-deprecating publicity stunts. She will be sorely and confoundingly missed.
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Anna Nicole, dead at 40. Her breasts, were 24.
alas and alack!
the pinnacle of 'can't take it with you' stories if there ever was one. . .
"then i'm gonna make her my mom...MTv style" --highlight of afflick's career
That's some pretty damn good eulogizing.
Nicely done!
wow. thats a shocker. where the hell is her "husband"? he killed her and her son for the money.
She was a severely screwed up person. I'm not sure it is necessary to dance her grave, though.
***This entry has violated the comment policy and has been removed. Play nice.***
--Ed Note
Wow, y'all have managed to cram grave-dancing, fake-boob jokes, and anti-Semitism into this obituary! Very tasteful, life-judges. My favorite so far is the jew-basher, because at least he's got some balls talking that kind of shit. So what if Vickie Lynn was a tragic victim of our cannibalistic celebrity culture and a sad prescription drug addict? I guess when some people die it doesn't really matter!
Jeh: I'm one to dabble in wanton hyperbole (the more absurd the better), so I like to think I respect the artform in all its representations. But bigotry is an altogether different animal, and it will certainly not be welcome in the comments section of this site, as the writers here will not stand for it. No one cares how much you hate people you've never met (and obviously know nothing about).
It's NOT a fine line, so watch your step.
Thanks, truecraig - well said
she died as she lived: a mote in the public eye, inhabiting the vulgar identity she nurtured without shame. we are not obligated to fabricate a hagiography for the woman simply because she shuffled off this mortal coil ignominiously, choking on her own vomit in a sarasota hotel room. furthermore, no one is celebrating her death. the real tragedy will be if we don't see this as a warning to those who, blinded by fame and wealth, would pursue it to their own, inevitable destruction.
also, speaking of tragedies, it saddens me that someone would pollute this otherwise reasonable forum with their vile prejudices. there are other places on the internet more suited for that type of hatred. perhaps you should find your way to a neo-nazi message board where you can be surrounded by other mongoloids that share your penchant for spinning spiteful conspiracy theory at the expense of other humans' dignity.