Perry's Vision for Texas = Ted Nugent

Gov. Rick Perry gave his Inaugural Speech last Tuesday after being sworn in as the longest-serving governor in Texas history. The speech was filled with wondrous imagery for Texas’ future, a soliloquy pregnant with strength, hope and a vision of unity for all Texans.

Spencer_RickPerry01.jpgThen, later that evening, in an unexpected political move, Gov. Perry decided to contradict nearly every major point in this speech by hiring Ted Nugent (aka, “The Nuge,” “Uncle Ted,” “Terrible Ted,” “Sweaty Teddy,” “Deadly Tedly,” “Great Gonzos,” “Theodocious Atrocious” and “The Motor City Madman”) to perform at his Inaugural Ball.

Spencer_TedNugent01.bmpAt any other time of the year, we’d welcome a Ted Nugent concert. The man is a musical genius, and a great role-model for kids, too. His guitar is like a giant flaming spear that you can throw at terrorists and stuff. And he hunts with a bow, which is totally bad ass. Yet somehow the 2007 Texas Governor’s Inaugural Ball doesn’t seem like the appropriate venue.

What do a bunch of tuxedo-wearing fogies know about real hunter rock? Nothing, that’s what.

Below are a few comparisons between what Gov. Perry said in his moving speech and what his hired entertainment, Deadly Tedly, said and did on stage later that evening at the ball:

On Racial Prejudice & Hatred
Perry’s Inaugural Speech: “140 years ago a segment of our people was enslaved and considered less than equal. But we are overcoming past prejudice for the sake of the common good…On this stage is the descendant of a slave who was once sold as property on the steps of a Central Texas courthouse. Today, Wallace Jefferson walks up the steps of our highest civil court in Texas, not only a peer among nine equals, but as our chief justice…I believe hatreds that are centuries old can be extinguished by one courageous generation. If hatred is something that can be taught, then so can the greatest attributes of any society: ‘love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.’ As the Apostle Paul wrote, ‘against such there is no law.’…Imagine the possibilities in a Texas blind to color, class and ethnicity, where no one is invalidated because of their heritage, but valued because of their humanity.

Spencer_TedNugent02.jpgTed Nugent at the Inaugural Ball: The Motor City Madman played his scorching set draped in a confederate flag shirt – a symbol of slavery in just about everyone’s book – showing his pride for the South and his disrespect for African-American heritage in one crushing blow of 70’s-era guitar force. Perry danced on stage in his tuxedo, grinning contentedly.

On Immigration
Perry’s Inaugural Speech: “My vision for Texas is a tremendous tapestry of diversity woven together by common threads. We are of many faiths, traditions, heritages, but we are all Texans. And in Texas, it is not your identity that matters most, but your ideals.”

Ted Nugent at the Inaugural Ball: During his performance, The Nuge shouted several offensive remarks about non-English speakers and made plain his disgust for foreigners in general and giving them what for. Illegal aliens and people lacking English grammar got a taste of real guitar attack that evening, thanks to the handy work of Theodocious Atrocious. Perry danced on stage in his tuxedo, grinning contentedly.

On Bipartisanship
Perry’s Inaugural Speech: “Texas is better off when Republicans and Democrats work together. Our potential is too vast to be spoiled by a politics leavened with partisanship. There is so much we must do together.”

Ted Nugent at the Inaugural Ball: During his set, Nugent made several comments about Perry’s competitors in the gubernatorial race, suggesting in particular that Kinky Friedman should be “court jester” during Perry’s reign and generally scorning all Perry's non-Republican competition. At the high point of his set, The Kansas City Bad Boy played a fierce guitar solo, at the end of which he screamed out “George W. Bush!” with frothy-mouthed bravado and barbaric angst. Perry danced on stage in his tuxedo, grinning contentedly.

On Moral Values
Perry's Inaugural Speech: “…I also believe no great society can be built, or maintained, if we cultivate in our children the vanity of self rather than the virtue of selflessness...Young Texans must never be taught about rights without also learning about responsibilities. Only when we embrace the responsibilities of a free society can we achieve the greater social good…For more than a generation our culture has emphasized a message of self-indulgence at the expense of social obligation…The fabric of our society is not government or individual freedom, it is the family. And the demise of the family is the demise of any great society.”

Spencer_TedNugent03.bmpTed Nugent at the Inaugural Ball: Terrible Ted actually sang the 70’s hit “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang” to the assembled black-tie crowd, complete with pelvic thrusts, using his American flag guitar as a phallic prop in true rock and roll style. The stage was covered with machine guns and skulls as props. Perry danced on stage in his tuxedo, grinning contentedly.

Austinist has deciphered the code of Perry's Inaugural Speech. We see his true vision for the future of Texas. Forget peace, equality and a functioning democracy unburdened by partisan agendas. The future of Texas is rock and roll.

Images courtesy of Wikipedia.

Comments (18) [rss]

user-pic

Hmmmm, this makes me wonder who would be playing at the other gubernatorial candidates inaugural receptions if they had won?

user-pic

here's my take:

Kinky Friedman victory = Asleep at the Wheel, or maybe even a reunion of the Texas Jewboys (Kinky's old band).

Chris Bell victory = Seals & Crofts...maybe even Hall & Oates?

Strayhorn victory = ?

user-pic

insightful...and really all around badass,

user-pic

This is by far the best post ever. I really think we should have a regular Nuge-themed compare and contrast feature. Well done.

user-pic

wango tango, mofo.

user-pic

anyone else find it a little weird that 61% did not vote for our current governor?

user-pic

uh, yeah, but that means 39% DID vote for him.

hello?

Hypocrisy and the hiring of more liberal-minded English Majors to write speeches that really should be written by the Monster Rock Entertainment On Hand is the hallmark of a good Texas [Closet Log Cabin] Republican Governor. Perry's simply following standard protocol here.

Oh, and Mr. Spencer, this goddamned post slayed my mind something serious.

Awesome post, but you left out the best part. After his encore, the Motor City Madman shot Jim Leininger with a bow & arrow, then field dressed him onstage. The crowd went nuts.

ted nugent has a guitar with a hollowed out space to fit a hand gun in. double true.

so he can rock and can shoot.

fantastical post.

user-pic

Best post Ive read anywhere in a long time. My friends saw Perry and Nuge hangin' at Guerros several months ago. Wonder what they talk about? Strange indeed.

user-pic

I tended bar for this function and as Teddy took the stage half of the guests left. Mostly blue hairs. As the remainder of the guests cheered and danced, I began to think about the soldiers maimed and dead. Oh, this was a first, individually wrapped tic-tacs. Talk about waste.

user-pic

This article should have been entitled "Gay Governor Overcompensates to Straight Voters, Disaster Ensues."

user-pic

ted nugent isn't from kansas city

user-pic

my brother is brilliant and hilarious. great post.

user-pic

"a symbol of slavery in just about everyone's book"...are you kidding me? the author of this page doesn't speak for "just about everbody". its ok to be a proud black, gay, or atheist person. but you can't be a proud white southerner. that's not allowed.

Post a comment (Comment Policy)

Tips

About Austinist

Austinist is a website about Austin.

Editor: Allen Y Chen.
Publisher: Gothamist

About Us & Advertising | Archives | Contact | Mobile | RSS | Staff

Recent Comments

Contribute

Latest Tip:


[more]

Latest Photo:

Subscribe

Use an RSS reader to stay up to date with the latest news and posts from Austinist.

All Our RSS