Breaking: Poison No Longer Headlining (as cause of bird deaths)

The ice has finally melted. Now we can attend to more pressing matters, like what killed those 63 birds on January 8th. Was it an infectious pathogen, or, more specifically, the 21st-century's chic and sensational pandemic to-be: birdflu? A vengeful restaurateur with handfuls of strychnine? Severe melancholy?

According to the Statesman, the scientists at Texas A&M have finally weighed in with their official bird probing results. Apparently, and more disgustingly, the birds were "heavily parasitized." When the temperature dropped that fateful evening, the birds, with some help from their parasites, dropped too.

Seem like too facile an explanation for you? Why all the spacemen suits? Why not send the carcasses to UT? Is our "homeland" really secure? Well, Austinist has found the semi-official conspiracy theory -via Newsvine- and offers a link here for your consideration. Neither Rikki Rockett nor Bret Michaels, with his lush, pouting lips, could be reached for comment.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@austinist.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By adam rice in News on January 19, 2007 10:32 AM 0 Comments

Comments [rss]

kenneth

If it wasn't Poison who killed those birds, then it must have been dIRTy WoRMz.

JUBCHA

I KNEW IT WAS SAFE TO COOK SOME OF THEM UP FOR DINNER AND BREAKFAST. MAN, I'M HUNGRY AND DEPRESSED.

adamr

I noticed that during the Austin Ice-Capades 07 the birds I saw were sporting a heartier plumage. Some more possible options as to the bird deaths:

<ul><li>Maybe the dead birds were molting slackers.</li>

<li>Maybe A&M scientists were actually just "taste" testing the birds.</li>

<li>Maybe, uh, Osama Bin Laden?</li>

<li>GRACKLE POX!</li></ul>

Tarvin

Mike,

Maybe the birds already weakened by parasites have already died?

Or flown south for the winter?

M1EK

I too find the TAMU explanation bullshit. As PinkDome noted earlier today, we just had a much worse and much quicker cold snap, and yet no huge batch of dead birds showed up.

TAMU just pulled this out their ass because they just couldn't figure out for real why the birds died, I'm betting.