
Photo credit: Harry Cabluck/AP
Our brief local nightmare is over. According to Homeland Security representative Russ Knocke - via The Statesman - our birds may not be safe, but our central Texas located piece of "homeland" is... for now. The official avian death toll has reached 63 and several species of bird were affected including Austin's official spokesbird, the boat-tailed grackle.
Rumors that early responders on the scene had taken ill have proven to be false. Local health officials have also ruled out the possibility of a supposed chlorine or natural gas contamination. Austinist now has word that the downtown Congress Avenue corridor has been more or less reopened. Carcasses have been sent to Texas A&M for extensive and thorough swabbing. Results should be available within three days, or your pandemic is free.
Despite the relative calm, readers should take caution as the sight of dead birds has been proven to incite emotive melancholic episodes and allegorical social commentary with subtle regard to omens and their portents:



Birds are dying, you guys.
Please tell me you weren't lying when you promised an all you can eat grackle buffet.
oh my god
I just, like, wanted to eat all the dead grackles I could, like, to show you all that I'm not a poser and, like, that the world is a really sad place.
I'd like to thank the grackles for giving me a half day off from work. Their sacrifice won't soon be forgotten.
I'd like to personally thank the grackles for giving me a half day off from work. Their sacrifice won't soon be forgotten.
Can I pay for my grackle pizza with pesos?
I think if you ask nicely, the Gatti's buffet attendant will whip up an Urban Bird Pie. Today only.
Those are great-tailed grackles, not boat-tailed. Jeez.
Those are great-tailed grackles, not boat-tailed.