Truesday: Stopped Making Sense

“Cleat-like?”

“Thimble. Wine cork. Whatever.”

“They’ll get a wine cork on their dick? From aspirin? That’s’ messed up man.”

“…”

“Is the thimble ON the wine cork?”

“…”

“Can aspirin really do that? Like Mr. Wizard or something! How much is he selling it for?”

“Fuck this, I’m just going with the zero plan.”
_____________________________________________________

Red Rocket’s had a busted CD player (but a golden heart!) for months now, so my life’s soundtrack has been riddled with truly dreadful music. But some tunes are worse than others. So bad that I’m forced to listen to them in awe and wonder whether or not our society has any discernable standards. At all.

Have you heard this song on the radio recently, some song about “Lips of Angel” or whatever? Beyond my suspicion that they ripped their sound plan right from the ONLY page in Nickelgoddamnback's greasy-haired playbook, I’m having some serious problems with this song.

Namely, I don’t think the premise is what people assume. For those blessed few who haven’t heard this monstrosity, you won’t understand what I’m talking about, and that’s because you’re fortunate. Stay that way. Don’t cross over to the blighted side and bother listening to any of this tripe. But if you do happen to hear it, consider for a second that instead of a prior love interest, he’s talking to a six year-old on that phone… changes EVERYTHING about that creepy-ass tune. And it makes sense to me (mainly because I want to hate the song, but I never claimed to be bias-free). Aren’t children considered “angels”? Not ex-girlfriends. Oh HELL no, not ex-girlfriends. Dude’s obviously referring to children, I just know it. Dirty, sick-o motherfuckers.

And while I’m ranting about diarrhea over the airwaves (and before I get slapped with a “well DON’T LISTEN if you DON’T LIKE IT speech”, which I would deserve but wouldn't pay attention to), what the hell is that “Goodbye My Luvah” song trying to do? Anyone else been beaten by this little ditty? I’ve never heard anyone use the term “luvah” in any way outside of sarcastic contempt, but that kid makes an honest go of it otherwise. It’s as pretentious as complaining that his sheets were cleaner under the auspices of his prior cadre of chamber maids (cheery-o ol’ chap!).

Besides, you don’t bid a fond farewell to a lover through extended prose and song. You offer them cab fare, recommend they get their annual std checkup, and change your cell phone number. This is the real way of the world. Using “luvah” might get your ass stabbed.
__________________________________________________

Okay then. This really has been a strange exercise for me. Much needed to be edited out. If I had posted all the other weird-ass shit that was spilling from my slo-mo fuzzy brain, it would likely have been enough to have me entered into a state facility for corrective story structure. A home for wayward points.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my lunchtime dose.