Austinist: The Statesman Tells You Where You Can Get Your Crunk On

adamr

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 16:11:27 -0600

Wind cork? Lucky. I'm hung like a demi-sweet dorsal.

Jooley Ann

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 14:42:35 -0600

Oh! I just assumed "wind cork" was yet another term I was clueless about. Can't we make it mean something? And then see how long it takes for it to turn up in http://www.urbandictionary.com? I'm a hopeless geek, aren't I?

truecraig

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 14:15:39 -0600

"wind cork" Man. I can't even make fun of shit without screwing it all up. Meh. Seriously though, I'll see everyone at The Aquarium this weekend. Maybe The Library (their radio commercials are SOOO funny! I seriously can't study when I'm there! It's SOOO TRUE!)

truecraig

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 14:12:26 -0600

OH HELL NO. I was so drunk off buttery nipples and Coors this one time at The Aquarium that I was telling this one chick Tara or Sara or Kara or Whatara about how I am so going to be next VP of Inside Sales for the Call Center Solutions Firm I'm working for nowadays and she was like, this dum ho in a sorWHOREity, so I figgered I was in like next of kin! But I had one to two too many of those sugary nips and I threw up three Best Wursts all over her and her fat, ugly wingbitch. They got all stupid about it, so I was like fuck y'all lesbian bitches and popped my collar like whhuuuuuuuuuuut. College girls are lame. A man in my superior social position deserves a real woman anyway: way hotter with fake tits and fine friends I can cheat on her with. Like one or four of those Miller Lite chickens. After I stiffed the bartender and lost my left Reef, I fell down by the bathrooms and two big black dudes ripped my powder pink Polo and threw me out into some horse shit. My pants were still down and some Mexican bitches laughed and said I was hung like a wind cork so I started a fight with some stupid poor people to remind myself to feel superior again and then Amexed a cab back to my bro-ham's house for some latenight beer pong and possibly-criminally-forced gay sex. See y’all at the Aquarium tonight! I’m totally gonna get LAID!

Brenner

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 13:33:50 -0600

Oh, dude, me too! I got so fuckin' DRUNK there last night! I mean, I was totally WASTED, man, and I was doing all SORTS of crazy shit, saying rude and barely coherent things to total STRANGERS, telling my friends what I REALLY thought, and almost FALLING DOWN a couple of times! I mean, whoa, the floor gets really fucking WOBBLY after a while, doesn't it? Like there's some weird machinery that the bartenders turn on to make it BUCKLE UNDER YOUR FEET or something! Ha! And after a couple hours, just like last week, I wound up puking my guts out! But in the WOMEN'S room this time! Dude, those girls were totally SCREAMING! And I didn't even hit the fucking toilet, I was pukin' all over the FLOOR, dude, oh my god, I was so fuckin' WASTED! I did it right, right? Am I cool now? Am I an adult now? Do I get to play with the big boys now? C'mon, you guys, please?

adamr

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 10:14:24 -0600

I see your point sir, but still, why is Chuggin' Monkey not in the top ten where it deservedly belongs?

odam

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 09:34:16 -0600

pretty sure the list is alphabetical, so no top 10, etc.

adamr

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 09:31:44 -0600

I'm still pissed that Chuggin' Monkey didn't crack the Top 10. Next week's provocative culture piece from The Statesman: "50 Best Cinnabons In Austin." I can't wait. I've got duckets on Barton Creak Squares Shopping Plex Mall's Cinnabon being #1.

Fletch

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 18:30:37 -0600

I'm excited for next week's "Best Place to Buy a 40". I've really struggled trying to find cheap bottles of Steel Reserve.

bryan misprint

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 16:57:29 -0600

sorry dude, but in all seriousness, cheers shot bar is awesome

Old Lady

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 16:54:14 -0600

Third for Barfly's. Haven't been there in years, but would definitely put it in my top three best boozehound bars. Perfect place for a night of drinky drinky, to be sure.

Donna

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 16:18:03 -0600

I second barfly's. I'm by no means a lightweight, but after three drinks in that place, poured by the shaved bald bartender, I'm on the floor. Sometimes I'm not even wanting to get that loaded so fast. Best of all, the drinks are cheap, even when you add premium liqour.

fogelsong

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 16:07:43 -0600

this guy being: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v492/losbusdriver/349025550_s.jpg

fogelsong

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 16:06:11 -0600

Mugshots and Barflys. Owned by the same people $3.50 call drinks, with a heavy pour. If you really want to get messed up, go to Barfly's when this guy is bartending.

magnus

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 15:22:54 -0600

maybe they coulda called it Best Places to Get Date Raped.

Old Lady

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 15:02:31 -0600

What the hell is an "overall rock 'n' roll atmosphere"? Do these bars play Zeppelin, the Who, the Stones? Isn't that what "rock 'n' roll" is...? And anyway, does anyone really call anything "rock 'n' roll" anymore? At least to mean anything other than headbanger goofyness?? Doooooode! ROCK and ROLL!! I believe this was Cake's drift when they thoroughly mocked the term. Twelve years ago. I don't mind puff pieces, and I think it's fine for the Statesman to profile the bars on 6th St, but it would be nice if they kept the level at least slightly above Just Plain Silly. "Rock 'n' Roll" indeed.

Lauren

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 14:13:11 -0600

Agreed. At least they did mention a few likes Casino el Camino under their "dive bar" category...

ihopeihope

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 14:11:01 -0600

Maybe they wrote this article so the stoodie-students reading it will stay out of the good bars and stay in the cheesycrappy ones (minus the exceptions you mentioned). Hey, works for me.

hellyeah!

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 13:34:06 -0600

Yeah I'm gonna have to agree on this one. Not sure who the target was for that article but it sure wasn't me!