Guns Always Ruin A Good Time
It appears that everyone is getting drunk and doing stupid shit nowadays. Like some sort of fad. It seems like only yesterday that you could only find depraved drunken shenanigans in college bars, border towns, or in the alleyway behind 710. It used to be considered the blissful activity of youth, or the cursed habit of unfortunates.
Not anymore, buddy. Nowadays regular t-bill buyin’ local hills-dwellin’ lawyers are getting blasted on weeknights and dicking with guns. They’re calling it an “accidental shooting”, which is far from a detailed account. For all we know, he was hunting or defending himself from rising interest rates. But while we have no idea what went down that warranted police intervention, we DO know what happens when Glen Fiddich gets to two-steppin’ with Lady GHB. Shit gets mad strange, real fast. People start looking like breathing pumpkins, and lamp posts start claiming to be chupacabras. Best to go ahead and lock that gun cabinet BEFORE the third tumbler gets drained.
Hm. I guess lawyers really are hot shots, or whatever. Ah-heh-heh. Heh. Or, OH-OH-OH, maybe he’s training for some Cheney-esque political career? KAZANG-E-ZANG!
HEY. Jokes are hard, alright? Alright. And we don’t really know what happened out there, so no more conjecture.
There's a lesson here for all of us. Time to drink smarter, not more dangerous-er: Before the any chemicals are ingested: put all your vehicle keys, guns, knives, grenades, yo-mama jokes, and karate chops into a cardboard box and UPS them to yourself (2nd day air). That way, you’ll have them back when you’re responsible enough to handle them.
It’s happy hour time kids, so let’s see some safe drinking mmmkay?
